Hi little one! I have skipped a few days in talking to you but you are definitely on my mind each minute. Recovery from our little surgery was easier than I thought it would be. Yeah, it was uncomfortable but not nearly as horrible as I imagined it would be. But, tonight, it is 3 am and I am up not feeling well. I have been so excited that I haven't had much nausea at all. I got sick on Sunday and feel like I am going to get sick now but other than that, the nausea has been very, very minor. I can handle getting sick once and awhile but I hated that ever-present nausea.
You are in the 15th week now and maybe 16th since you were a little bigger on the ultrasound. We listened for your heartbeat yesterday and you were hiding so it was hard to find you. You were behind my pulse so we almost missed you. I am counting down until I can *feel* you moving! That will be so exciting. I also can't wait until we see you again on 8/6.
We have a lot of birthdays to catch up on. Aunt Sheila's birthday was Monday so I have to tell you all about her. I will see how much cash she is offering up to make it nice :) Your cousin Tyler & Great Gramma Faiman's birthday is today. I have told you about Tyler in your swimming post so I don't have much to add on there. August is a big month for birthdays - off the top of my head, we have Brandi, your Uncle Zach and Gramma Debbie. There are more in there but it is late at night and my brain might not be working at full capacity :)
I am really, really busy at work this week so if you feel some stress, it is probably that! I enjoy being busy. On Tuesday, I ate breakfast and I swear that the next time I looked at the clock, your dad was getting home. So, not really stressed but just chaotic.
Well, sorry your mom is so boring today but that is all I have for you. I have been working on your blog book and am into July now. I would love to be current on it so it is almost close to being ready when you pop out :)
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
We made it!
Hi kiddo! We are home and resting. It was a long day when we had to be up at 4:30. I got to hear you on their monitor before and after the surgery. Your heart was beating perfect. I woke up around 8:30 and the surgery was all over. I am having some discomfort - less than I thought it would be but more than I would like :) I didn't get to talk to Dr. Bonehead but he made a comment to your dad that my cervix was starting to thin or soften or act weird. We got sewed up right on time to keep you in there. On one hand, I am so happy that it was starting to show a problem and we solved it - it gives me hope that this was our problem in all of our pregnancies but now we are good for you. On the other hand, it makes me sad that we could have possibly prevented our loss last year.
Two weeks until we get to see you again. If you are showing me you are a boy then, I will believe it then!
Two weeks until we get to see you again. If you are showing me you are a boy then, I will believe it then!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Tomorrow is our big day!
Hi Kiddo! Well, the day we have been counting down for is finally here! Only 12 hours or so and we will be sewing you in there nice and tight! I so cannot wait - for several reasons. 1) I need a day off work. 2) I can't wait to have the best sleep for an hour or two that I have had in ages. 3) I think it is going to give me some mental peace to know that you are sewn in there. While we have no proof that this will solve our problem, it is the only other step we can try to keep you cooking until you can be born full term.
I don't know what to tell you to expect in there! I think we will both be knocked asleep. I know I am anticipating quite a bit of pain tomorrow and over the weekend but you shouldn't have any - just know that my stress is recovery time from the surgery. Hopefully, I will bounce back just in time to go to work again on Monday. Yeah for me :)
We don't know if we are going to get to see you tomorrow or not. If we don't, we won't see you until our next appointment on August 6. However, you are now coming through loud and clear on our heart rate monitor - which brings a big old grin to my face!
I don't know what to tell you to expect in there! I think we will both be knocked asleep. I know I am anticipating quite a bit of pain tomorrow and over the weekend but you shouldn't have any - just know that my stress is recovery time from the surgery. Hopefully, I will bounce back just in time to go to work again on Monday. Yeah for me :)
We don't know if we are going to get to see you tomorrow or not. If we don't, we won't see you until our next appointment on August 6. However, you are now coming through loud and clear on our heart rate monitor - which brings a big old grin to my face!
Monday, July 20, 2009
14 weeks/Grampa Bob
Hi kiddo!
You are 14 weeks old today. I don't know if that is true - according to the last ultrasound, you would be 14w1d today. I always use Monday as our weekly birthday. Not much new to tell you about anything exciting. However, today is your Grampa Bob's birthday so, I have to tell you about him today. I was hoping maybe your dad would write this today but he said it would take him 2 years to write 3 lines. So, I will give you my perspective on your Grampa Bob.
Your Grampa Bob died last year while I was pregnant with your brothers. Ever since I met your dad, Grampa Bob was not in the best of health. He had several heart attacks and his lungs were starting to give out. When I was first getting to know your Grampa, he intimidated me quite a bit. He was gruff, talked loud and talked a lot :) I had a hard time understanding your dad's relationship with him because it was so unlike my relationship with my parents. They talked on the phone multiple times a day. That blew me away! But, after your Grampa was gone, it was kind of lonely. Somedays, I still think "Oh, Bob should be calling Mark pretty soon." What I learned about your Grampa is that even though he was gruff and a man set in the ways of his generation, underneath it all, he just loved his family. He just liked to talk to them on the phone. He just liked to watch TV with them. He just liked to be around them. Him and your Gramma didn't travel much or do a ton outside of the house and he was content with that - as long as he had someone to talk to. Or, if we are being honest with each other, someone to yell at. I don't think I will ever forget the screams of "Ruth" or "Andrew". He wasn't yelling at them but he would yell across the house to get their attention and ask them for something. He was so in love with your cousins and each time we were pregnant, he was just as in love with our babies as he was with them.
Sometimes, your Grampa made me really mad. He would tease me because he thought I was lazy and didn't do anything around the house. He didn't think I knew how to cook. While it wasn't nice of him, he had 2 reasons to think that. 1) Your dad was always telling him that he couldn't talk on the phone or come over because he was cleaning. To hear your dad talk, you would think I had him shackled in a shock collar and would buzz him if he wasn't cleaning the house 24/7. Anyone who saw our house would know that was a load of crap. :) 2) I didn't spend enough time around your grampa to tell him the truth. When your dad would go over his house, I would stay home. So, I couldn't debunk all those lies your dad was spreading about me :)
I hope that you have met your Grampa Bob and he is helping keep you healthy in there!! I am sharing a picture from our wedding with you. I made all the men in the family wear tuxes. Your grampa pitched me a fit for weeks before the wedding. He kept telling me he was going to show up in blue jeans and a white t-shirt. He really didn't have a choice - I was pretty adamant about the tux thing - but he ended up being a good sport!
You are 14 weeks old today. I don't know if that is true - according to the last ultrasound, you would be 14w1d today. I always use Monday as our weekly birthday. Not much new to tell you about anything exciting. However, today is your Grampa Bob's birthday so, I have to tell you about him today. I was hoping maybe your dad would write this today but he said it would take him 2 years to write 3 lines. So, I will give you my perspective on your Grampa Bob.
Your Grampa Bob died last year while I was pregnant with your brothers. Ever since I met your dad, Grampa Bob was not in the best of health. He had several heart attacks and his lungs were starting to give out. When I was first getting to know your Grampa, he intimidated me quite a bit. He was gruff, talked loud and talked a lot :) I had a hard time understanding your dad's relationship with him because it was so unlike my relationship with my parents. They talked on the phone multiple times a day. That blew me away! But, after your Grampa was gone, it was kind of lonely. Somedays, I still think "Oh, Bob should be calling Mark pretty soon." What I learned about your Grampa is that even though he was gruff and a man set in the ways of his generation, underneath it all, he just loved his family. He just liked to talk to them on the phone. He just liked to watch TV with them. He just liked to be around them. Him and your Gramma didn't travel much or do a ton outside of the house and he was content with that - as long as he had someone to talk to. Or, if we are being honest with each other, someone to yell at. I don't think I will ever forget the screams of "Ruth" or "Andrew". He wasn't yelling at them but he would yell across the house to get their attention and ask them for something. He was so in love with your cousins and each time we were pregnant, he was just as in love with our babies as he was with them.
Sometimes, your Grampa made me really mad. He would tease me because he thought I was lazy and didn't do anything around the house. He didn't think I knew how to cook. While it wasn't nice of him, he had 2 reasons to think that. 1) Your dad was always telling him that he couldn't talk on the phone or come over because he was cleaning. To hear your dad talk, you would think I had him shackled in a shock collar and would buzz him if he wasn't cleaning the house 24/7. Anyone who saw our house would know that was a load of crap. :) 2) I didn't spend enough time around your grampa to tell him the truth. When your dad would go over his house, I would stay home. So, I couldn't debunk all those lies your dad was spreading about me :)
I hope that you have met your Grampa Bob and he is helping keep you healthy in there!! I am sharing a picture from our wedding with you. I made all the men in the family wear tuxes. Your grampa pitched me a fit for weeks before the wedding. He kept telling me he was going to show up in blue jeans and a white t-shirt. He really didn't have a choice - I was pretty adamant about the tux thing - but he ended up being a good sport!
Sunday, July 19, 2009
You are so picking on me!
Hi kiddo...I think you are mocking me. I think you were plotting against me on the ultrasound and put your finger in a place to make you look like a boy to throw me off guard. Last night, I dreamt twice that you were a girl. In one dream, Dr. Bonebrake had just delivered you and he said "It's a girl." Then, later, I dreamt that you were older - like a teenager and your dad & I were talking about our daughter. At this point, I have no idea if you are a boy or a girl. It really doesn't matter to me but later on down the road, we would like to know so we can plan how to decorate your room and what the heck to name you.
Speaking of delivery, I watched a few videos yesterday on the internet of babies being delivered. Even at 34, I don't know that I had ever seen a birth. Even on TV, they blur out a lot of the picture. These internet videos did not. I also made your dad watch them - we need to desensitize him so he doesn't pass out when you are delivered. We learned a few very important things that I will share with you. 1) No doubt about it that we will have an epidural. I had a passing (very brief, less than a second) thought of trying it natural. We watched one natural and one epidural. We agreed unanimously that we will have an epidural. 2) I didn't care if we have a c-section - I figured that it would be planned, least painful and got me 2 extra weeks off work. But, after watching the videos, I would prefer not to have a c-section. The recovery looks much easier for natural birth than CSection.
That is about it from outside the womb!
Speaking of delivery, I watched a few videos yesterday on the internet of babies being delivered. Even at 34, I don't know that I had ever seen a birth. Even on TV, they blur out a lot of the picture. These internet videos did not. I also made your dad watch them - we need to desensitize him so he doesn't pass out when you are delivered. We learned a few very important things that I will share with you. 1) No doubt about it that we will have an epidural. I had a passing (very brief, less than a second) thought of trying it natural. We watched one natural and one epidural. We agreed unanimously that we will have an epidural. 2) I didn't care if we have a c-section - I figured that it would be planned, least painful and got me 2 extra weeks off work. But, after watching the videos, I would prefer not to have a c-section. The recovery looks much easier for natural birth than CSection.
That is about it from outside the womb!
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Anniversary Special Edition
Hi Kiddo! 11 years for your mom and dad today! Last year was our big anniversary and we went to Alaska on a cruise. On our actual anniversary, your mom was sick being pregnant and we ended up staying home. This year, we actually left the house! Woohoo for us. We had tickets to Sheryl Crow. It was packed. There was no place to put our chairs so we stayed in the parking garage and watched it from the deck. We got to see 4 songs before we got kicked out. I wish I could tell you something fun like your dad was causing a big scene so we got ejected but really, you just can't stand there and watch the show. Neither one of us felt like dealing with the huge crowd so we left. That was it - that was our exciting Anniversary!
Friday, July 17, 2009
Dr. Appt.
Hi kiddo! We went to the doctor today. Your heartbeat was good and you were moving all around. The ultrasound tech said that you were measuring a little bit bigger than we thought - almost a week older! Every week gets us closer to a 2009 delivery and a tax write off :)
Well, kiddo, you threw me a curve ball today. Your dad saw it and the ultrasound tech she is 85% sure that you are a little boy. What? I have been calling you "she" or "her". I even did a pink scrapbook page for you with some of the blog postings!! I honestly don't care what gender you are - just stay in there cooking until you are full term and you can be a little boy or a little girl.
While we didn't have any boy names picked out, your dad and I settled on that one pretty quick. I think you will still be a kiddo to me until our next ultrasound but when we see you a bit bigger and definitely a boy, we will name you Alexander Lang Brigham. We can't agree on any other name. Your dad vetoed Nate, Micah and Drake. I liked Noah but it is too popular. Your dad's only contribution to the pot was Sebastian which I vetoed in each of our pregnancies. Xander was the only name we could agree on. We named one of your brothers Xander so we didn't want to name you that. But, Alexander seems different to us so we figure we are all good. Surprisingly, your dad didn't even fight on using my maiden as your middle name.
1 week from today, it is time for surgery and then we will see you again on August 6th. Tomorrow is your mom and dad's anniversary. I will share some scrapbook pages that I did for your brothers so you can learn about how we met and our relationship.
Well, kiddo, you threw me a curve ball today. Your dad saw it and the ultrasound tech she is 85% sure that you are a little boy. What? I have been calling you "she" or "her". I even did a pink scrapbook page for you with some of the blog postings!! I honestly don't care what gender you are - just stay in there cooking until you are full term and you can be a little boy or a little girl.
While we didn't have any boy names picked out, your dad and I settled on that one pretty quick. I think you will still be a kiddo to me until our next ultrasound but when we see you a bit bigger and definitely a boy, we will name you Alexander Lang Brigham. We can't agree on any other name. Your dad vetoed Nate, Micah and Drake. I liked Noah but it is too popular. Your dad's only contribution to the pot was Sebastian which I vetoed in each of our pregnancies. Xander was the only name we could agree on. We named one of your brothers Xander so we didn't want to name you that. But, Alexander seems different to us so we figure we are all good. Surprisingly, your dad didn't even fight on using my maiden as your middle name.
1 week from today, it is time for surgery and then we will see you again on August 6th. Tomorrow is your mom and dad's anniversary. I will share some scrapbook pages that I did for your brothers so you can learn about how we met and our relationship.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Faith...Part 2
Hi Kiddo! When you are older and read these, you will probably have an attitude like I would have. "Why is my mom rambling on and on with her sermons? She is worse than a preacher at church and I already know everything." But, maybe as an adult, you will appreciate it. So, today's post is about those books I told you about.
In June, we discussed The Shack by William Young. Your Aunt Becky sent me a letter telling me that she thought I should read it because it might help me. As a sidenote, when I say a letter, I don't mean an email - I mean an honest to goodness handwritten letter in the mail. That definitely got my attention. I bought the book and read it right away. I thought it was inspiring. Since then, people have wrote that they thought it was childish or stupid but to each his own. The book painted a picture of God as a loving, caring God. It didn't show a vengeful God who is just out to punish us. I like that vision. In the book, God said something along the lines of How can I ever be mad at my children? Before they are even born, I know what mistakes they are going to make so I am not disappointed or shocked when they do. It also really reinforced something that I mentioned in my other post - it is not my place to judge others. It is God's job. At the time that we discussed this book in book club, a Kansas abortion doctor was killed. Many pro-life people celebrated his murder because they felt that he deserved it based on his profession. However, is it up to us to judge that? I believe that God teaches us to love each other - "Love thy neighbor" - because no matter what, he loves us. Why should I dislike someone because they have a profession that I wouldn't do? Why should I dislike someone because they love people of the same gender? If God doesn't agree with those actions, then it is his job to deal with the consequences - not mine. I hope I have done a good job in explaining that to you because I really want you to believe that too. I am not saying that I am not judgmental, because I am. But, I want to teach you about the larger picture. Between reading this book & the murder I mentioned, it really hit me full force that it is not my right to judge.
The second book we read was Angels & Demons by Dan Brown. It isn't necessarily a book that I want you to read to teach you religion but there were a few key points in there that were poignant to me. In the book, a character asks another character if he believes in God. He goes on and on about how he doesn't believe in certain parts of Christianity or Buddhism or Judaism, etc. She says to him "I didn't ask you if you believe in religion. I asked you if you believe in God." That was a key point to me and one I hope I conveyed in my earlier post. I honestly don't care if you don't believe in religion but I truly pray that you believe in God - and I feel that there is a big difference. Organized religion was created by humans and ran by humans and many inhumanities have taken place in the name of religion. However, I don't think that they necessarily speak for God.
The second point in the book is probably best to be quoted word for word. It is a problem that I struggle with constantly - why does God let bad things happen? Why are children abused? Why are animals abused? Why doesn't he stop these things? A constant in most conversations about God is that he gave us free will. He doesn't want us to do the things that we sometimes do but he gave us free will to make those decisions and can't interfere at that point. This passage in Angels and Demons just plain resonated with me and I hope it will make some sense to you as well.
Guard: Terrible things happen in this world. Human tragedy seems like proof that God could not possibly be both all-powerful and well-meaning. If He loves us and has the power to change our situation, He would prevent our pain, wouldn't he?
Priest: Would he?
Guard: Well...if God loves us and He can protect us, He would have to. It seems He is either omnipotent and uncaring or benevolent and powerless to help.
Priest: Do you have children?
Guard: No
Priest: Imagine you had an 8 year old son. Would you love him?
Guard: Of course
Priest: Would you do everything in your power to prevent pain in his life?
Guard: Of course.
Priest: Would you let him skateboard?
Guard: Yeah, I guess. Sure, I'd let him skateboard but I'd tell him to be careful.
Priest: So as this child's father, you would give him some basic, good advice and then let him go off and make his own mistakes?
Guard: I wouldn't run behind him and mollycoddle him if that's what you mean.
Priest: But, what if he fell and skinned his knee?
Guard: He would learn to be more careful.
Priest: So although you have the power to interfere and prevent your child's pain, you would choose to show your love by letting him learn his own lessons?
Guard: Of course. Pain is a part of growing up. It's how we learn.
Priest: Exactly.
This passage is purely fiction but it did more explaining to me than any religious material I have ever read. Even though it hurts, God has to let us make our own choices and mistakes so we can grow and learn from them. I talk about this more in your brothers' book but I relate this to our fertility treatments. We got pregnant by using medical science but we lost all the babies. It wasn't our time and I feel like we tried to tempt fate. We grew and learned a lot from those experiences and it wasn't all pleasant. God could have spared us the pain of not getting pregnant but we would not have the outlook that we do today. Then, when we stop trying, here you are growing like a weed in there.
The third point of that book also probably deserves a direct quote but I am going to paraphrase a bit.
Daughter: Father, why do you bother to pray? God cannot answer you
Father: So you don't believe God speaks to man? Man only uses a small portion of his brain but in emotionally charged situations - like physical trauma, extreme joy or fear, deep meditation - they brains start working like crazy and they have enhanced mental clarity.
D: So what? Just because you think clearly doesn't mean that you talk to God.
F: And yet remarkable solutions to seemingly impossible problems often occur in these moments of clarity. Some call it higher consciousness, some call it altered states, and some call it answered prayers. Sometimes, divine revelation means adjusting your brain to hear what your heart already knows.
Again, totally fiction but it resonated deeply with me. I can't tell you how many times I have had a thought pop in my head and then patted myself on the back for how genius I am. Just like when I was wondering about you & your purpose here - all of a sudden, I had a clear thought that you are an answer to prayers in either direction. That "aha" moment came from God. Until I read that in the book, I never thought of those things like that but now I totally believe it.
The book's main purpose was to talk about how Science & Religion interact with each other. Can science explain religion? Are they working at opposite ends of the realms? This was an easy answer for me - science is inspired by God. God gave someone the skill to create fertility treatments to help millions & millions of people. However, it still wasn't meant for us to be so his plan kicked in until we were ready. I learned that I really do put God at the middle of everything - music, art, science, and even our thoughts. My friend Kim countered that with "But, then why do his creations sometimes get used for bad. For example, nuclear energy could be used for good or for world wars. Why would he do that?" Well, that is where I go back to free will - we choose to use our gifts and resources for evil.
As I have typed these last two posts, it is somewhat amazing to me that I went from a place where I thought I had no faith to this person that leaves everything to faith. I would think if a stranger read this, they would think that I am ultra religious and have a strong relationship with God. The former is definitely not true and the latter is still tested daily!
To wrap up, I leave you with one last testament of my beliefs and views. I look around me sometimes and see such beauty that I can't help but think it couldn't be created by anything or anyone other than God. Sunsets are a perfect example. Surprisingly, I see some pretty darn beautiful sunsets in Omaha. That vast sky of oranges, yellows, and pinks often takes my breath away. In a park in Portland, I was overwhelmed with emotions at how beautiful the scenery is. When we drive to the Keys and see that ocean all around us, I can't help but think of its natural beauty. It is during those routine moments where I see beauty, grace and ultimately God. I hope you see the same!
In June, we discussed The Shack by William Young. Your Aunt Becky sent me a letter telling me that she thought I should read it because it might help me. As a sidenote, when I say a letter, I don't mean an email - I mean an honest to goodness handwritten letter in the mail. That definitely got my attention. I bought the book and read it right away. I thought it was inspiring. Since then, people have wrote that they thought it was childish or stupid but to each his own. The book painted a picture of God as a loving, caring God. It didn't show a vengeful God who is just out to punish us. I like that vision. In the book, God said something along the lines of How can I ever be mad at my children? Before they are even born, I know what mistakes they are going to make so I am not disappointed or shocked when they do. It also really reinforced something that I mentioned in my other post - it is not my place to judge others. It is God's job. At the time that we discussed this book in book club, a Kansas abortion doctor was killed. Many pro-life people celebrated his murder because they felt that he deserved it based on his profession. However, is it up to us to judge that? I believe that God teaches us to love each other - "Love thy neighbor" - because no matter what, he loves us. Why should I dislike someone because they have a profession that I wouldn't do? Why should I dislike someone because they love people of the same gender? If God doesn't agree with those actions, then it is his job to deal with the consequences - not mine. I hope I have done a good job in explaining that to you because I really want you to believe that too. I am not saying that I am not judgmental, because I am. But, I want to teach you about the larger picture. Between reading this book & the murder I mentioned, it really hit me full force that it is not my right to judge.
The second book we read was Angels & Demons by Dan Brown. It isn't necessarily a book that I want you to read to teach you religion but there were a few key points in there that were poignant to me. In the book, a character asks another character if he believes in God. He goes on and on about how he doesn't believe in certain parts of Christianity or Buddhism or Judaism, etc. She says to him "I didn't ask you if you believe in religion. I asked you if you believe in God." That was a key point to me and one I hope I conveyed in my earlier post. I honestly don't care if you don't believe in religion but I truly pray that you believe in God - and I feel that there is a big difference. Organized religion was created by humans and ran by humans and many inhumanities have taken place in the name of religion. However, I don't think that they necessarily speak for God.
The second point in the book is probably best to be quoted word for word. It is a problem that I struggle with constantly - why does God let bad things happen? Why are children abused? Why are animals abused? Why doesn't he stop these things? A constant in most conversations about God is that he gave us free will. He doesn't want us to do the things that we sometimes do but he gave us free will to make those decisions and can't interfere at that point. This passage in Angels and Demons just plain resonated with me and I hope it will make some sense to you as well.
Guard: Terrible things happen in this world. Human tragedy seems like proof that God could not possibly be both all-powerful and well-meaning. If He loves us and has the power to change our situation, He would prevent our pain, wouldn't he?
Priest: Would he?
Guard: Well...if God loves us and He can protect us, He would have to. It seems He is either omnipotent and uncaring or benevolent and powerless to help.
Priest: Do you have children?
Guard: No
Priest: Imagine you had an 8 year old son. Would you love him?
Guard: Of course
Priest: Would you do everything in your power to prevent pain in his life?
Guard: Of course.
Priest: Would you let him skateboard?
Guard: Yeah, I guess. Sure, I'd let him skateboard but I'd tell him to be careful.
Priest: So as this child's father, you would give him some basic, good advice and then let him go off and make his own mistakes?
Guard: I wouldn't run behind him and mollycoddle him if that's what you mean.
Priest: But, what if he fell and skinned his knee?
Guard: He would learn to be more careful.
Priest: So although you have the power to interfere and prevent your child's pain, you would choose to show your love by letting him learn his own lessons?
Guard: Of course. Pain is a part of growing up. It's how we learn.
Priest: Exactly.
This passage is purely fiction but it did more explaining to me than any religious material I have ever read. Even though it hurts, God has to let us make our own choices and mistakes so we can grow and learn from them. I talk about this more in your brothers' book but I relate this to our fertility treatments. We got pregnant by using medical science but we lost all the babies. It wasn't our time and I feel like we tried to tempt fate. We grew and learned a lot from those experiences and it wasn't all pleasant. God could have spared us the pain of not getting pregnant but we would not have the outlook that we do today. Then, when we stop trying, here you are growing like a weed in there.
The third point of that book also probably deserves a direct quote but I am going to paraphrase a bit.
Daughter: Father, why do you bother to pray? God cannot answer you
Father: So you don't believe God speaks to man? Man only uses a small portion of his brain but in emotionally charged situations - like physical trauma, extreme joy or fear, deep meditation - they brains start working like crazy and they have enhanced mental clarity.
D: So what? Just because you think clearly doesn't mean that you talk to God.
F: And yet remarkable solutions to seemingly impossible problems often occur in these moments of clarity. Some call it higher consciousness, some call it altered states, and some call it answered prayers. Sometimes, divine revelation means adjusting your brain to hear what your heart already knows.
Again, totally fiction but it resonated deeply with me. I can't tell you how many times I have had a thought pop in my head and then patted myself on the back for how genius I am. Just like when I was wondering about you & your purpose here - all of a sudden, I had a clear thought that you are an answer to prayers in either direction. That "aha" moment came from God. Until I read that in the book, I never thought of those things like that but now I totally believe it.
The book's main purpose was to talk about how Science & Religion interact with each other. Can science explain religion? Are they working at opposite ends of the realms? This was an easy answer for me - science is inspired by God. God gave someone the skill to create fertility treatments to help millions & millions of people. However, it still wasn't meant for us to be so his plan kicked in until we were ready. I learned that I really do put God at the middle of everything - music, art, science, and even our thoughts. My friend Kim countered that with "But, then why do his creations sometimes get used for bad. For example, nuclear energy could be used for good or for world wars. Why would he do that?" Well, that is where I go back to free will - we choose to use our gifts and resources for evil.
As I have typed these last two posts, it is somewhat amazing to me that I went from a place where I thought I had no faith to this person that leaves everything to faith. I would think if a stranger read this, they would think that I am ultra religious and have a strong relationship with God. The former is definitely not true and the latter is still tested daily!
To wrap up, I leave you with one last testament of my beliefs and views. I look around me sometimes and see such beauty that I can't help but think it couldn't be created by anything or anyone other than God. Sunsets are a perfect example. Surprisingly, I see some pretty darn beautiful sunsets in Omaha. That vast sky of oranges, yellows, and pinks often takes my breath away. In a park in Portland, I was overwhelmed with emotions at how beautiful the scenery is. When we drive to the Keys and see that ocean all around us, I can't help but think of its natural beauty. It is during those routine moments where I see beauty, grace and ultimately God. I hope you see the same!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Faith
Hi kiddo! I feel like I have a novel to tell you about this so I may have to break it up into multiple parts but sorry, your mom has a darn lot to say. :) In April, I started a book club with friends of mine. The last 2 months, we have read religiously themed books and it made me start to think about you and how I want to raise you. So, bear with me but I do think there are some jewels of wisdom in my thoughts - but, then again I always think everything I say is a jewel of wisdom. HOWEVER, I think this is something you should read when you are older. No bedtime stories coming from this post. :)
Your dad and I were both raised without religion in our lives/families. It was kind of difficult growing up because most of my friends and kids in the neighborhood were raised in homes that went to church. I always felt like I was missing something because I didn't know what they were talking about. Occasionally, I would go to church (almost always Catholic) with friends and always felt silly that I didn't know the words to recite. I taught myself the Lord's Prayer so I could recite at least that. Then, I started worrying that I would go to "hell" because I didn't believe in God. I started praying - even not knowing who or what I was praying to - just to cover my bases so I wouldn't be in "trouble" if God was really there. Eventually, I did start to believe and now, I truly am a believer. I don't necessarily follow the beliefs of organized religion but I do believe in God. If I go to church, I would go to Catholic Mass.
Before I tell you more of why I am now a believer, I want to tell you how I hope we will raise you. I really would like to raise you in a church where you can learn about God. I want you to pray and believe in God but maybe not necessarily a Catholic God. I want you to be spiritual but I want you to be able to form your own beliefs without being forced to believe what an organized religion tells you is the truth. I think that this will force your dad & I to attend church so you can go to Bible School and part of me would really like to send you to Catholic grade school but that decision will come later. Again, it isn't that I want you to be a Catholic when you grow up, I just want you to have a foundation to make your own decision on. I hope that you can go to school and come home and discuss these matters with us and form your own thoughts.
So, now, you are probably asking yourself why I believe in God if I didn't really go to church or learn about God in a formal way. I was baptized Catholic so I always called myself a Catholic - even without formal education. Your dad and I wanted to join a church and possibly start the adoption process. We ended up going through RCIA in 1998/1999 at a Catholic Church. I was confirmed and your dad was baptized/confirmed. During that process, I had a big struggle trying to wade through what they were telling me and what I believed. Each night when I prayed, I would pray for faith. One night, out of the blue, this voice came to me strong and clear - "You pray and talk to me every night so why don't you think you have faith?" It wasn't my own voice but it was in my head. I just don't know how to explain it except to tell you, from my heart, that I thought it was God talking to me. During that same RCIA, I started struggling with the teachings of the Church on abortion. I was very pro-choice - I don't think it is up to me to make choices for others and I really hated the Church trying to shove their views down on me - even if I could understand their position. One night, I was praying for us to get pregnant and have a baby. That same voice came to me and said "How can you ask me for a baby but believe in abortion?" It really shocked me to the core of my beliefs. With our history, there is no way that I could ever have an abortion. However, what I have learned with my old age is that it is not my place to judge what someone else does. Ultimately, they have to make their peace with God's judgement - not mine. So, I still vote pro-choice and I still support someone's right to make their own choices over their bodies (even assisted suicide) but I leave any of the moral consequences up to God.
There were two things that happened to me in 2003 that also solidified my faith. One of them, you can read about in your brothers' book. It was when I felt a hand on my shoulder after I delivered Little M. The second one is so personal but I will share it with you because I really want to demonstrate where my faith comes from. After Little M was born early, your mom was a mess. It was probably part hormonal, part grief and part depression. One night, your dad was sound asleep and I lay in bed sobbing like a crazy woman. I just couldn't understand why God would take my baby away. I didn't understand what I had done so wrong to deserve this. I was praying like crazy that if I couldn't have babies, then it wasn't worth it for me to be here - I wanted God to take me and reunite me with my baby in Heaven. I think I even actually screamed at God telling him to give me one good reason why I should be here - what was my purpose without babies? All of a sudden, your dad stopped snoring and said "I love you." Then, he instantly started snoring again. I don't know if that was God also telling me he loved me or if your dad was my reason for being but it instantly snapped me out of my rage and I calmed down.
Finally, I believe that God communicates to me in dreams. One night, I had a terribly graphic dream about domestic violence. I woke up very shaken and it immediately came to me that I needed to volunteer at the YWCA. I became a hotline volunteer and worked there administratively. While I wasn't a lifelong volunteer, I think God pointed me to it because he knew my soul needed it and he was right. I also dreamt one night that Little M was sitting in the arms of God and that was reassuring to me. I had a few years where I would always dream about school. I think God was telling me to start working on my MBA to take my mind off our fertility issues. It did take my mind off of it and the dreams stopped - even though I haven't finished it yet. Most recently, I think that God has talked to me through Grampa Larry & Great Grampa Bill. In my second "conversation" with Larry, he said that I really needed to find my faith and even said "Go in God's shadow and Grace will follow." Those words were so ingrained into my brain that they did not disappear when I woke up. I think about them often. When Grampa Bill died, I dreamt about him the night of the funeral. Faith also played a part in that. At the end of my dream, Bill introduced me to some of his friends who were reading a book about God. His friends told me that I needed to find my faith. The next day, I tried to find the book that I saw in my dream. I don't think that I ended up finding the exact same one but when I did some searching, I found a book called "The Things I Learned on the way to Heaven" and the coloring of the cover was the exact same as in my dream. If those aren't subtle-as-a-nuclear-bomb hints that God is looking for me and our relationship, I don't know what could be any clearer.
I hope that my experiences will give you a little bit of a foundation to begin thinking about God. However, I really want you to find your own experiences to build your views on. I just want to give you the stepping stone to get there!
I think I will break this up into 2 parts because I would really like to tell you about the books we read and how they are helping to shape my thoughts and what I want to communicate to you.
Your dad and I were both raised without religion in our lives/families. It was kind of difficult growing up because most of my friends and kids in the neighborhood were raised in homes that went to church. I always felt like I was missing something because I didn't know what they were talking about. Occasionally, I would go to church (almost always Catholic) with friends and always felt silly that I didn't know the words to recite. I taught myself the Lord's Prayer so I could recite at least that. Then, I started worrying that I would go to "hell" because I didn't believe in God. I started praying - even not knowing who or what I was praying to - just to cover my bases so I wouldn't be in "trouble" if God was really there. Eventually, I did start to believe and now, I truly am a believer. I don't necessarily follow the beliefs of organized religion but I do believe in God. If I go to church, I would go to Catholic Mass.
Before I tell you more of why I am now a believer, I want to tell you how I hope we will raise you. I really would like to raise you in a church where you can learn about God. I want you to pray and believe in God but maybe not necessarily a Catholic God. I want you to be spiritual but I want you to be able to form your own beliefs without being forced to believe what an organized religion tells you is the truth. I think that this will force your dad & I to attend church so you can go to Bible School and part of me would really like to send you to Catholic grade school but that decision will come later. Again, it isn't that I want you to be a Catholic when you grow up, I just want you to have a foundation to make your own decision on. I hope that you can go to school and come home and discuss these matters with us and form your own thoughts.
So, now, you are probably asking yourself why I believe in God if I didn't really go to church or learn about God in a formal way. I was baptized Catholic so I always called myself a Catholic - even without formal education. Your dad and I wanted to join a church and possibly start the adoption process. We ended up going through RCIA in 1998/1999 at a Catholic Church. I was confirmed and your dad was baptized/confirmed. During that process, I had a big struggle trying to wade through what they were telling me and what I believed. Each night when I prayed, I would pray for faith. One night, out of the blue, this voice came to me strong and clear - "You pray and talk to me every night so why don't you think you have faith?" It wasn't my own voice but it was in my head. I just don't know how to explain it except to tell you, from my heart, that I thought it was God talking to me. During that same RCIA, I started struggling with the teachings of the Church on abortion. I was very pro-choice - I don't think it is up to me to make choices for others and I really hated the Church trying to shove their views down on me - even if I could understand their position. One night, I was praying for us to get pregnant and have a baby. That same voice came to me and said "How can you ask me for a baby but believe in abortion?" It really shocked me to the core of my beliefs. With our history, there is no way that I could ever have an abortion. However, what I have learned with my old age is that it is not my place to judge what someone else does. Ultimately, they have to make their peace with God's judgement - not mine. So, I still vote pro-choice and I still support someone's right to make their own choices over their bodies (even assisted suicide) but I leave any of the moral consequences up to God.
There were two things that happened to me in 2003 that also solidified my faith. One of them, you can read about in your brothers' book. It was when I felt a hand on my shoulder after I delivered Little M. The second one is so personal but I will share it with you because I really want to demonstrate where my faith comes from. After Little M was born early, your mom was a mess. It was probably part hormonal, part grief and part depression. One night, your dad was sound asleep and I lay in bed sobbing like a crazy woman. I just couldn't understand why God would take my baby away. I didn't understand what I had done so wrong to deserve this. I was praying like crazy that if I couldn't have babies, then it wasn't worth it for me to be here - I wanted God to take me and reunite me with my baby in Heaven. I think I even actually screamed at God telling him to give me one good reason why I should be here - what was my purpose without babies? All of a sudden, your dad stopped snoring and said "I love you." Then, he instantly started snoring again. I don't know if that was God also telling me he loved me or if your dad was my reason for being but it instantly snapped me out of my rage and I calmed down.
Finally, I believe that God communicates to me in dreams. One night, I had a terribly graphic dream about domestic violence. I woke up very shaken and it immediately came to me that I needed to volunteer at the YWCA. I became a hotline volunteer and worked there administratively. While I wasn't a lifelong volunteer, I think God pointed me to it because he knew my soul needed it and he was right. I also dreamt one night that Little M was sitting in the arms of God and that was reassuring to me. I had a few years where I would always dream about school. I think God was telling me to start working on my MBA to take my mind off our fertility issues. It did take my mind off of it and the dreams stopped - even though I haven't finished it yet. Most recently, I think that God has talked to me through Grampa Larry & Great Grampa Bill. In my second "conversation" with Larry, he said that I really needed to find my faith and even said "Go in God's shadow and Grace will follow." Those words were so ingrained into my brain that they did not disappear when I woke up. I think about them often. When Grampa Bill died, I dreamt about him the night of the funeral. Faith also played a part in that. At the end of my dream, Bill introduced me to some of his friends who were reading a book about God. His friends told me that I needed to find my faith. The next day, I tried to find the book that I saw in my dream. I don't think that I ended up finding the exact same one but when I did some searching, I found a book called "The Things I Learned on the way to Heaven" and the coloring of the cover was the exact same as in my dream. If those aren't subtle-as-a-nuclear-bomb hints that God is looking for me and our relationship, I don't know what could be any clearer.
I hope that my experiences will give you a little bit of a foundation to begin thinking about God. However, I really want you to find your own experiences to build your views on. I just want to give you the stepping stone to get there!
I think I will break this up into 2 parts because I would really like to tell you about the books we read and how they are helping to shape my thoughts and what I want to communicate to you.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Uh-Oh, I think I am in trouble
Hi Kiddo! I had kind of an enlightening evening yesterday and figured I would share it with you. I typically listen for you on our heart rate monitor about every other day. I was starting to get a bit nervous because I have only been able to "find" you one time. However, I found you last night and a big smile of relief just came on my face. Hearing you was like music to my ears. Every time I thought about that little noise, I broke out into a big grin. I do my best thinking right before I go to sleep. Most of the things I want to tell you about are cooked up in that time then I write them the next day. But, last night, I had a big moment where I said "UH-OH."
OK, so here is what I expected to happen when you were born. I figured you would pop out and I would be overcome with this rush of love that was so large, I had nothing to compare it to. I figured you would inspire me to tell you how much I love you about 50 times a day - and maybe even be able to tell that to others I love since I can't do it today. (Side Note: The inability to say I love you is a deeply-rooted psychological issue that probably can only be cured by intensive therapy & electric shock treatment. I say that in jest but it may lean towards being true!) But, I also figured I would be strict with you and have to be the disciplinarian. I fear that you will have your dad wrapped around your finger in no time flat so it will fall on me to be the fun-sucker. However, I realized last night that this probably won't be the case at all. If you can inspire me to grin like a fool all night long just by hearing your heartbeat, how am I going to resist you when you look at me and say "Mama" for the first time? How will I resist a big smile and a "Mommy please?" I fear I won't be able to and then we are in trouble!! :)
See, your mom had always thought she would be a selfish mom. Oh, sure, I would love you but I would be immune to your charm and still be able to be strict with you. When I was growing up, I was told repeatedly how selfish I was and eventually, just believed that it must be true. Even as an adult, I figured that the reason that we couldn't have babies was because I wouldn't make a good mom because I was too selfish to put your needs before mine. But, it has taken me a lot of years to learn that I am not completely selfish. I am self-centric, yes - I want to know how something impacts me or what is in it for me. But, I have a big heart for causes that I care about. Animals tear at my heart. Child abuse tears at my heart. People who are hungry or cold tear at my heart. I no longer think that I will be a selfish mom. I am at a place where I think I will be a darn good mom once you get here - how could I not be when I know that you are going to make my heart soar when I see you?
OK, that was a lot of mushy stuff for you. All that love talk and being wrapped around your finger. We won't share that with you until you are an adult so you don't think you have the upper hand in our relationship - even if you do :) Just know, that despite that mushy stuff, you still have to be a good, respectful, well-mannered child. Even though I may love you to pieces, my pride will not allow you to be known as a rotten kid. So, when I drug you with pet store medicine or swat you for being rotten, you will know that it is all done with the utmost love and concern for your well-being. At least I say that now when I am talking a big talk! But, will I be able to follow through when you get here? We will see!
OK, so here is what I expected to happen when you were born. I figured you would pop out and I would be overcome with this rush of love that was so large, I had nothing to compare it to. I figured you would inspire me to tell you how much I love you about 50 times a day - and maybe even be able to tell that to others I love since I can't do it today. (Side Note: The inability to say I love you is a deeply-rooted psychological issue that probably can only be cured by intensive therapy & electric shock treatment. I say that in jest but it may lean towards being true!) But, I also figured I would be strict with you and have to be the disciplinarian. I fear that you will have your dad wrapped around your finger in no time flat so it will fall on me to be the fun-sucker. However, I realized last night that this probably won't be the case at all. If you can inspire me to grin like a fool all night long just by hearing your heartbeat, how am I going to resist you when you look at me and say "Mama" for the first time? How will I resist a big smile and a "Mommy please?" I fear I won't be able to and then we are in trouble!! :)
See, your mom had always thought she would be a selfish mom. Oh, sure, I would love you but I would be immune to your charm and still be able to be strict with you. When I was growing up, I was told repeatedly how selfish I was and eventually, just believed that it must be true. Even as an adult, I figured that the reason that we couldn't have babies was because I wouldn't make a good mom because I was too selfish to put your needs before mine. But, it has taken me a lot of years to learn that I am not completely selfish. I am self-centric, yes - I want to know how something impacts me or what is in it for me. But, I have a big heart for causes that I care about. Animals tear at my heart. Child abuse tears at my heart. People who are hungry or cold tear at my heart. I no longer think that I will be a selfish mom. I am at a place where I think I will be a darn good mom once you get here - how could I not be when I know that you are going to make my heart soar when I see you?
OK, that was a lot of mushy stuff for you. All that love talk and being wrapped around your finger. We won't share that with you until you are an adult so you don't think you have the upper hand in our relationship - even if you do :) Just know, that despite that mushy stuff, you still have to be a good, respectful, well-mannered child. Even though I may love you to pieces, my pride will not allow you to be known as a rotten kid. So, when I drug you with pet store medicine or swat you for being rotten, you will know that it is all done with the utmost love and concern for your well-being. At least I say that now when I am talking a big talk! But, will I be able to follow through when you get here? We will see!
Monday, July 13, 2009
13 weeks
Hi Baby! You are 13 weeks today. That is a big milestone for most mommy's-to-be. But, your mom is finding that it is making her more stressed. Remember how I said before that we have problems carrying babies? Well, they were born at 15 weeks and 18 weeks. Once we got past 7 weeks with you, my fear of miscarriage went away. Once we hit 12 weeks, my anxiety started kicking up a notch about early delivery. I am going to try really hard to remain calm so you don't get any of that nervous energy! We are going to go to the doctor Friday and see you. Then, our next big milestone is next Friday when we sew you in there nice and tight.
I don't have anything specific for you today - so I will give you random things.
I tried adjusting my medicine so maybe it would help my nausea but it didn't. Kind of miserable today.
I have figured out that I need to quit telling you so much. See, your mom likes to talk. So, I come here and I talk to you but then I tell all my family too. Now, they already know all of my news because they are here keeping tabs on you so I have nothing to talk about. There is nothing worse to a talker than not being able to talk :)
According to my pregnancy program, you are 3" long now and .9 oz.
Kind of a funny for you - your puppies (Luke and Padi) are hung over today. We have been drugging them up for the fireworks with a gel from the pet store. It makes them all mellow and relaxed and makes them tired. I gave some to them last night as there was a fireworks show up the street and they are still woozy today. I can't wait to see how these puppies act around you. They were good with Andrew & Tyler so I am not worried about that. But, I can see Luke trying to be your dad and acting all protective over you when you are a baby. When you get a bit older, I think they will just follow you all over hoping that you will drop your food. I am sure that you will torture them - try to ride them like ponies or something - but I think they can take it. You will only be the same size as them for about 2 years then you guys will have to learn to get along! I point out the drugging of the dogs to teach you a valuable lesson early on - your mom is not above drugging you either. Maybe not with gel from the pet store but with benadryl or something similar. See, I am already trying to raise you to be a well mannered child - be good or I will drug you. I think that for sure nominates me for mom of the year :)
No big plans for us this week - just bowling. But, we have a hot weekend :) Saturday is our 11 year anniversary so we are going to another concert. Don't worry, we won't be jamming at this one. It is more low-key. I will have to give you all the scoop on how your parents met and started dating. Don't worry, I don't think there are any mushy parts in there that will make you want to say "Gross (or whatever your generation's word will be)".
Sorry I am so boring today kiddo but I am tired & sick and am looking forward to spending an evening laying in bed and reading a book. Maybe all of my reading will make you the smartest baby ever. Just to give you something to look forward to, I have two deep posts all put together for you on religion. I am sure you are just doing circles in your womb waiting for those :)
I don't have anything specific for you today - so I will give you random things.
I tried adjusting my medicine so maybe it would help my nausea but it didn't. Kind of miserable today.
I have figured out that I need to quit telling you so much. See, your mom likes to talk. So, I come here and I talk to you but then I tell all my family too. Now, they already know all of my news because they are here keeping tabs on you so I have nothing to talk about. There is nothing worse to a talker than not being able to talk :)
According to my pregnancy program, you are 3" long now and .9 oz.
Kind of a funny for you - your puppies (Luke and Padi) are hung over today. We have been drugging them up for the fireworks with a gel from the pet store. It makes them all mellow and relaxed and makes them tired. I gave some to them last night as there was a fireworks show up the street and they are still woozy today. I can't wait to see how these puppies act around you. They were good with Andrew & Tyler so I am not worried about that. But, I can see Luke trying to be your dad and acting all protective over you when you are a baby. When you get a bit older, I think they will just follow you all over hoping that you will drop your food. I am sure that you will torture them - try to ride them like ponies or something - but I think they can take it. You will only be the same size as them for about 2 years then you guys will have to learn to get along! I point out the drugging of the dogs to teach you a valuable lesson early on - your mom is not above drugging you either. Maybe not with gel from the pet store but with benadryl or something similar. See, I am already trying to raise you to be a well mannered child - be good or I will drug you. I think that for sure nominates me for mom of the year :)
No big plans for us this week - just bowling. But, we have a hot weekend :) Saturday is our 11 year anniversary so we are going to another concert. Don't worry, we won't be jamming at this one. It is more low-key. I will have to give you all the scoop on how your parents met and started dating. Don't worry, I don't think there are any mushy parts in there that will make you want to say "Gross (or whatever your generation's word will be)".
Sorry I am so boring today kiddo but I am tired & sick and am looking forward to spending an evening laying in bed and reading a book. Maybe all of my reading will make you the smartest baby ever. Just to give you something to look forward to, I have two deep posts all put together for you on religion. I am sure you are just doing circles in your womb waiting for those :)
Sunday, July 12, 2009
NJ Cousins
Hi kiddo! Well, I told you about your Great Grampa Faiman and I figured I better tell you about his family. I dreamt about one of my NJ cousins the other night and realized that I never told you or your brothers about them. So, here is the scoop on those NJ Faimans. Your Gramma Debbie had a brother, Richie. He was much older than your gramma and when she was young, he joined the military. He ended up settling in NJ and married your Aunt Shelly. They have 3 kiddos - Jon, Linda and Lisa. Unfortunately, I have only seen them a handful of times - a trip when I was little (7 or 8), when Linda got married, when Uncle Richie died and then when your dad and I went on a business trip to New York.
Jon is always fun to be around - he is funny, has a big spirit and loves to talk and joke. Lisa was always very nice to me but I have spent the least amount of time with her. I didn't see her on our last visit. Then, there is Linda. Whether she is aware of it or not, she has a persona that I am completely drawn to. I remember feeling that way even when I was little. It is hard to explain but there are only 3 people that drew me to them like that - Linda, Debi D and your Aunt Kim. It is kind of like you look at them with stars in your eyes and want to beg to spend time with them so you can be as cool as them - a kid screaming "Pick me, Pick me." Each time I saw Linda, I would come home sad that we weren't geographically closer because I think we would have had a great relationship. Unfortunately, NJ is a long way away and I don't think we will see them in Omaha anytime soon.
When we went to NJ for Uncle Richie's funeral, it was the first time that the whole family had been together - ironic since it was only because we had just lost a key member of that family. Even Gramma and Grampa Faiman got on the plane to head out there. It was so interesting to see everyone interract. Grampa just loved up Linda's son Daniel. It makes me sad to think that he isn't here to love you up like that. He would have spoiled you rotten. It was a sad occasion but it did tug at my heart to see Grampa with his family that he hadn't seen in years.
When we went to NY in 2006, we set up a dinner with Aunt Shelly. We had a great time with Jon, Linda and all of Aunt Shelly's extended family. It was great to have your dad meet them and he really enjoyed their company. We only had a few hours with them and they went by way too quickly. When we left, I was just overcome with emotion and went a little crazy crying in the car. It was the first time in ages that I had missed Grampa Faiman that much. Being there with his family & knowing that him and Uncle Richie weren't with us anymore was overwhelming. Their spirits were so present in that room that it made their loss that much greater.
I hope that we will be able to introduce you to your East Coast clan. I am sure they would love you up and welcome you with open arms like they always did me!
Hilary (Aunt Shelly's niece), Aunt Shelly & your mom
Your dad, Stewie (Aunt Shelly's nephew - an extended NJ Cousin) and Jon
Daniel, Michele, Linda, your mom and Jon
Jon is always fun to be around - he is funny, has a big spirit and loves to talk and joke. Lisa was always very nice to me but I have spent the least amount of time with her. I didn't see her on our last visit. Then, there is Linda. Whether she is aware of it or not, she has a persona that I am completely drawn to. I remember feeling that way even when I was little. It is hard to explain but there are only 3 people that drew me to them like that - Linda, Debi D and your Aunt Kim. It is kind of like you look at them with stars in your eyes and want to beg to spend time with them so you can be as cool as them - a kid screaming "Pick me, Pick me." Each time I saw Linda, I would come home sad that we weren't geographically closer because I think we would have had a great relationship. Unfortunately, NJ is a long way away and I don't think we will see them in Omaha anytime soon.
When we went to NJ for Uncle Richie's funeral, it was the first time that the whole family had been together - ironic since it was only because we had just lost a key member of that family. Even Gramma and Grampa Faiman got on the plane to head out there. It was so interesting to see everyone interract. Grampa just loved up Linda's son Daniel. It makes me sad to think that he isn't here to love you up like that. He would have spoiled you rotten. It was a sad occasion but it did tug at my heart to see Grampa with his family that he hadn't seen in years.
When we went to NY in 2006, we set up a dinner with Aunt Shelly. We had a great time with Jon, Linda and all of Aunt Shelly's extended family. It was great to have your dad meet them and he really enjoyed their company. We only had a few hours with them and they went by way too quickly. When we left, I was just overcome with emotion and went a little crazy crying in the car. It was the first time in ages that I had missed Grampa Faiman that much. Being there with his family & knowing that him and Uncle Richie weren't with us anymore was overwhelming. Their spirits were so present in that room that it made their loss that much greater.
I hope that we will be able to introduce you to your East Coast clan. I am sure they would love you up and welcome you with open arms like they always did me!
Hilary (Aunt Shelly's niece), Aunt Shelly & your mom
Your dad, Stewie (Aunt Shelly's nephew - an extended NJ Cousin) and Jon
Daniel, Michele, Linda, your mom and Jon
Friday, July 10, 2009
WOOHOO!
Hi Kiddo! Man, was it ever an exciting day today. Well, I woke up in a panic as I had a bad dream about you and that didn't start the day off right. But, I kept thinking positive thoughts. I figured if I listened for you on the heart rate monitor, I would feel much better about ignoring my dream. For the longest time, I had no luck and I even started getting more nervous as the normal sounds were not even there. Then, you moved and hit the microphone and I breathed a sigh of relief. As I was just about ready to shut it off, YOUR HEARTBEAT came through. My whole body relaxed! It was the first time I had heard it on the monitor - we have heard it at the Dr. office but it isn't the same as when we hear it at home. It was a welcome sound and one I have missed over the past year. Thanks for cutting your mom some slack and getting closer to the microphone.
Since I have been pregnant with you, my nails have been growing like crazy. Not only have they grown long, they are so strong. I don't remember that with any of my other pregnancies. I had your cousin Erica take a picture so I wouldn't forget it when they all broke and I have to put it in my scrapbook! As of today, I have only gained 5 pounds so I can't holler at you for that! Unfortunately, I was carrying 20 from last year but I am trying to be more careful with you!! Now, if you would only quit turning my hair gray, we would be getting along just fine!
Since I have been pregnant with you, my nails have been growing like crazy. Not only have they grown long, they are so strong. I don't remember that with any of my other pregnancies. I had your cousin Erica take a picture so I wouldn't forget it when they all broke and I have to put it in my scrapbook! As of today, I have only gained 5 pounds so I can't holler at you for that! Unfortunately, I was carrying 20 from last year but I am trying to be more careful with you!! Now, if you would only quit turning my hair gray, we would be getting along just fine!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Grampa Faiman
Hi Kiddo! I missed the opportunity to tell you about your Great Grampa Faiman when his birthday rolled around so I will tell you all about him now. As of this month, Frankie has been gone 7 years. In some ways, it feels like it just happened yesterday and in others, it feels like it was 20 years ago. I do believe that he has been using these past 7 years as a vacation up in Heaven - escaping the people who drove him crazy here on earth. (I will tell you about her in real life - not doing a blog post.)
So, from when your mom was a little tyke, Grampa Faiman always took care of her. Most of this, I heard about from Gramma Faiman - she never lets a person forget every last thing they did for you because then you owe her. When I was little, he would buy the store out of baby food and he would give me baths in a little plastic tub. They would babysit me during the day and he would haul me around in a sleigh in the winter. I still have that sleigh and I think he will be delighted when I haul you around in it! As I got older, he would drive me all over and he would try so hard to impart his wisdom on me. But, you know your mom, even at 5 I knew everything and his cliche of "haste makes waste" just sounded like an excuse as to why he drove so slow! He would make me pancakes for breakfast and they would always be burnt :) He would take me to ZipMart and give me money for candy - it was a little old shack on 36th & Chandler where all of us Gilder kids would go get our sugar fixes. He would go through McDonalds and buy us ice cream cones. He would make sugar cookies with me & Gramma but he was always stingy with the frosting - we had to supplement. He would give me $2 bills whenever he found them. Those are just some of the memories I have of him.
As I got older and your Gramma & Grampa got divorced, we had a rough times where things didn't always go smoothly. Grampa Faiman would drive over and make sure that we had groceries. He would pay the utilities so we had water, electricity & gas. If fruit was on sale (cherries, grapes, peaches, watermelon), he would always bring me a big bag. He took me to school and picked me up. I lived with them for awhile too. He drove the same car for my entire life - a blue Chevy Malibu. Everyone who knew him, also knew his car. He would drive down our street on his way home and just honk. When he would come over, he would arrive by tooting the horn. That car is the last tangible thing we have of Grampa! While Grampa didn't have riches, he always had a big heart and always made sure that I had the bare essentials to get by. He would say that he made sure I had food and a warm house. His way of life didn't require fancy cars, houses, electronics or anything else. If you had food and a warm house, that was enough to get by. And, he was right - I could learn a thing or two from him.
When your dad and I got married, I made all the men wear tuxes. I only teared up two times during that day - when your Great Aunt Lee came downstairs and when Grampa Faiman came downstairs. Seeing him all dressed up in his tux and feeling those emotions of everything he had done for me was just overwhelming!
Grampa passed away suddenly in July 2002. He came home and he was eating soup and all of a sudden, his head was on the table. He had suffered a major heart attack. They tried to revive him for hours and ended up fixing his heart but, by then, he had too much damage to his brain. His death was the first major one in my life. I know that I am lucky because I was 27 years old and hasn't experienced such a major loss. But, it didn't make it any easier to deal with. At Christmas that year, our family pictures had little orbs in them where I think he was standing with us :) In January 2003, your dad and I had our wedding blessed in the Catholic Church and that night, I just sobbed. It was our first family event that he should have been at. It surprised me because your dad knew (probably before I did) why I was so upset.
Unfortunately, enough time has passed that I don't think about Frankie as much as I used to. Oh, I still remember him and all he did for me but that ache of him being gone is no longer there. I am telling you kiddo, there are a few people that I can name that shaped me into the person that I am and he would have been one of them. Although I might have had other family members that would have stepped in and helped when I needed it, he was always there first and got the job done. I don't know where I would have landed or how I would have turned out without him.
I hope that you have met your Grampa Faiman along the way and I hope that he is looking out for you.
Christmas 2001
OK, so Grampa isn't in this one but I figured I would show you the photo I referenced above. See that circle? It only showed up on family photos and not any individual photos. We know that he was standing there with us :)
So, from when your mom was a little tyke, Grampa Faiman always took care of her. Most of this, I heard about from Gramma Faiman - she never lets a person forget every last thing they did for you because then you owe her. When I was little, he would buy the store out of baby food and he would give me baths in a little plastic tub. They would babysit me during the day and he would haul me around in a sleigh in the winter. I still have that sleigh and I think he will be delighted when I haul you around in it! As I got older, he would drive me all over and he would try so hard to impart his wisdom on me. But, you know your mom, even at 5 I knew everything and his cliche of "haste makes waste" just sounded like an excuse as to why he drove so slow! He would make me pancakes for breakfast and they would always be burnt :) He would take me to ZipMart and give me money for candy - it was a little old shack on 36th & Chandler where all of us Gilder kids would go get our sugar fixes. He would go through McDonalds and buy us ice cream cones. He would make sugar cookies with me & Gramma but he was always stingy with the frosting - we had to supplement. He would give me $2 bills whenever he found them. Those are just some of the memories I have of him.
As I got older and your Gramma & Grampa got divorced, we had a rough times where things didn't always go smoothly. Grampa Faiman would drive over and make sure that we had groceries. He would pay the utilities so we had water, electricity & gas. If fruit was on sale (cherries, grapes, peaches, watermelon), he would always bring me a big bag. He took me to school and picked me up. I lived with them for awhile too. He drove the same car for my entire life - a blue Chevy Malibu. Everyone who knew him, also knew his car. He would drive down our street on his way home and just honk. When he would come over, he would arrive by tooting the horn. That car is the last tangible thing we have of Grampa! While Grampa didn't have riches, he always had a big heart and always made sure that I had the bare essentials to get by. He would say that he made sure I had food and a warm house. His way of life didn't require fancy cars, houses, electronics or anything else. If you had food and a warm house, that was enough to get by. And, he was right - I could learn a thing or two from him.
When your dad and I got married, I made all the men wear tuxes. I only teared up two times during that day - when your Great Aunt Lee came downstairs and when Grampa Faiman came downstairs. Seeing him all dressed up in his tux and feeling those emotions of everything he had done for me was just overwhelming!
Grampa passed away suddenly in July 2002. He came home and he was eating soup and all of a sudden, his head was on the table. He had suffered a major heart attack. They tried to revive him for hours and ended up fixing his heart but, by then, he had too much damage to his brain. His death was the first major one in my life. I know that I am lucky because I was 27 years old and hasn't experienced such a major loss. But, it didn't make it any easier to deal with. At Christmas that year, our family pictures had little orbs in them where I think he was standing with us :) In January 2003, your dad and I had our wedding blessed in the Catholic Church and that night, I just sobbed. It was our first family event that he should have been at. It surprised me because your dad knew (probably before I did) why I was so upset.
Unfortunately, enough time has passed that I don't think about Frankie as much as I used to. Oh, I still remember him and all he did for me but that ache of him being gone is no longer there. I am telling you kiddo, there are a few people that I can name that shaped me into the person that I am and he would have been one of them. Although I might have had other family members that would have stepped in and helped when I needed it, he was always there first and got the job done. I don't know where I would have landed or how I would have turned out without him.
I hope that you have met your Grampa Faiman along the way and I hope that he is looking out for you.
Christmas 2001
OK, so Grampa isn't in this one but I figured I would show you the photo I referenced above. See that circle? It only showed up on family photos and not any individual photos. We know that he was standing there with us :)
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Gold Star Day
Hi Baby Brigham! Thought I would change it up a bit today. We have had a rough few days, haven't we? Starting on Saturday, we haven't had a lot of luck keeping much down. I have to admit to you kiddo, your mom was pretty darn down on Monday and Tuesday. I was pretty miserable with getting sick and being nauseous. I even missed book club and I had a lot to say about the book. But, maybe that was the final hurrah of being sick? One last time before it went away? I can only pray and be so lucky!!
But, today, oh man - today was a great day. I happened to be really busy at work and the day flew by. I ate some protein cereal and was a tad nervous that it wouldn't agree with you. Next thing I knew, it was 2:00!! I totally forgot you were in there cooking - no nausea, no getting sick, nothing. Your dad and I grabbed some dinner and then...wait for it kiddo...wait for it....we even went to the gym. I exercised! I went to the pool and swam. I was somewhat sad at how out of shape I am but hey, we were there, right? We will see how that goes over with you in the next day or so.
We also listened for you today. Your dad thought he faintly heard you again. I didn't hear your heartbeat but you did punch the microphone once. That was music to my ears to hear that little blip. Few more days and I think your heartbeat will be like a bass drum on that microphone.
That is about it for today. Thank you for a day that was as close to normal as I have had in 3 months!!
But, today, oh man - today was a great day. I happened to be really busy at work and the day flew by. I ate some protein cereal and was a tad nervous that it wouldn't agree with you. Next thing I knew, it was 2:00!! I totally forgot you were in there cooking - no nausea, no getting sick, nothing. Your dad and I grabbed some dinner and then...wait for it kiddo...wait for it....we even went to the gym. I exercised! I went to the pool and swam. I was somewhat sad at how out of shape I am but hey, we were there, right? We will see how that goes over with you in the next day or so.
We also listened for you today. Your dad thought he faintly heard you again. I didn't hear your heartbeat but you did punch the microphone once. That was music to my ears to hear that little blip. Few more days and I think your heartbeat will be like a bass drum on that microphone.
That is about it for today. Thank you for a day that was as close to normal as I have had in 3 months!!
Why I think you are a girl
Hi kiddo! We went into unchartered territory this week and posted your picture on Facebook. So, now everyone knows about you! I also emailed your picture to our friends and family and always referenced you as a "she" or said "her". I have been getting a lot of questions as to how I know that you are a girl. Scientifically, I have no proof that you are a girl but that is what I feel you are and I have quite a few reasons why. None of them would hold up in a court of law or even against science but I figured I would share them with you because you need to know how crazy your mom can be at times :) Also, I don't like calling you "it." Whether or not I felt like you were a girl, I would still have to call you something other than "it." OK, on to the proof that you are a girl...haha.
1) When we were pregnant with Little M, a coworker of mine "knew" that the pregnancy wouldn't work out and she had a vision of me holding a little bundle of pink in the future. Even last year when we were pregnant, she just plain didn't think that those babies were the ones in the bundle. I think it was you :)
2) The psychic said so a couple of weeks ago.
3) Before we knew you were in there cooking, I had a strange dream about your Grampa Larry & a little bit about your Great Grampa Bill. (Sidenote - you can read about your Grampa Larry in your brothers' book and I will have to tell you about Bill in another post). I dreamt that Larry was standing in the doorframe of our bedroom and I said "What are you doing here?" He said "I have something to give you." He pointed to the middle of the bedroom and there was a little girl about two or three with dark hair. I said "Who is she?" He said that "You had been living with Bill for a few years." I tried talking to the girl in my dream but the dream ended. I woke up feeling that Larry was going to give me a baby girl. I also woke up thinking if you would be Bill reincarnated but that is a different topic for you to think I am crazy about. I wish I would have wrote down when I had this dream. I think it was before you were conceived - some time in April.
4) One night, when I knew you were in there cooking, I dreamt about tons and tons of little toddler girls. Everywhere I looked in my dreams, there was a little girl. I woke up with an Aerosmith song in my head - "Pink". I have to tell you that I don't know that song and don't really even care for it. But, I woke up with one refrain playing over and over in my head - "Pink it was love at first sight, Pink when I turn out the light, and Pink gets me high as a kite." I immediately told your dad that you were a girl and he probably rolled his eyes at me.
So, there is my evidence that you are a girl. As you can see, it is highly factual and irrefutable. haha. But, I still call you she and her because that is what my gut tells me. Your Aunt Candi said that her gut is telling her that you are a boy. We will have to see who ends up winning that one :) I think we may be able to find out around my birthday but it may not be until September. Either way, I truly mean it when I say that I don't care. You just stay in there cooking and come out full term & healthy and I don't care whether you are a prince or a princess.
1) When we were pregnant with Little M, a coworker of mine "knew" that the pregnancy wouldn't work out and she had a vision of me holding a little bundle of pink in the future. Even last year when we were pregnant, she just plain didn't think that those babies were the ones in the bundle. I think it was you :)
2) The psychic said so a couple of weeks ago.
3) Before we knew you were in there cooking, I had a strange dream about your Grampa Larry & a little bit about your Great Grampa Bill. (Sidenote - you can read about your Grampa Larry in your brothers' book and I will have to tell you about Bill in another post). I dreamt that Larry was standing in the doorframe of our bedroom and I said "What are you doing here?" He said "I have something to give you." He pointed to the middle of the bedroom and there was a little girl about two or three with dark hair. I said "Who is she?" He said that "You had been living with Bill for a few years." I tried talking to the girl in my dream but the dream ended. I woke up feeling that Larry was going to give me a baby girl. I also woke up thinking if you would be Bill reincarnated but that is a different topic for you to think I am crazy about. I wish I would have wrote down when I had this dream. I think it was before you were conceived - some time in April.
4) One night, when I knew you were in there cooking, I dreamt about tons and tons of little toddler girls. Everywhere I looked in my dreams, there was a little girl. I woke up with an Aerosmith song in my head - "Pink". I have to tell you that I don't know that song and don't really even care for it. But, I woke up with one refrain playing over and over in my head - "Pink it was love at first sight, Pink when I turn out the light, and Pink gets me high as a kite." I immediately told your dad that you were a girl and he probably rolled his eyes at me.
So, there is my evidence that you are a girl. As you can see, it is highly factual and irrefutable. haha. But, I still call you she and her because that is what my gut tells me. Your Aunt Candi said that her gut is telling her that you are a boy. We will have to see who ends up winning that one :) I think we may be able to find out around my birthday but it may not be until September. Either way, I truly mean it when I say that I don't care. You just stay in there cooking and come out full term & healthy and I don't care whether you are a prince or a princess.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Secret
Hi kiddo! I have a deep, dark secret to tell you & I want you to keep it between us, ok? I have to confess that you have me scared to death. Once we saw you at the 11 week ultrasound rolling all around & kicking your legs, you were real to me. Most women feel relief when they hit this stage of their pregnancy - the scare of miscarriage is so reduced that they go on to have worry free pregnancies. However, with our past history (you can read about that in your brothers' book), we won't get to breathe that sigh of relief until about 30 weeks. I no longer have the fear that I will "miscarry" you but I still do fear that my water will break early and we would be in the same situation that we have always been in. I know, kiddo, your mom talked a tough game when I told you that you answer a prayer regardless if you are born full term or if you leave us early. In my heart, I know that it is true. However, now that I have seen you & seen you grow into a little tadpole baby, my heart wants you to fulfill the prayer of us having a family more than ever. So, what can we do to work this out? I do feel like it is the right time for us and you are a little immaculately-conceived miracle. I can't stress about it because there is nothing I can do. If you feel a little worry inside there, just know that it isn't worry really - it is just that I am sending you love to stay in there cooking. :) You need to do your part and make sure your little womb stays in tact. I will do my part by taking my vitamins, trying not to stress and going to acupuncture. Sound fair?
OK, now that we have all that worked out, maybe your mom can relax a little bit :)
OK, now that we have all that worked out, maybe your mom can relax a little bit :)
Monday, July 6, 2009
12 weeks!
Hi kiddo! You are 12 weeks today. You must be kind of feisty in there because I ate breakfast & it came back up - guess you missed your cheerios this morning. We tried listening for you on our monitor and there were a couple of times that we thought we heard you very faintly but I couldn't get the exact spot. Maybe next week you will be loud and clear.
Not much to share with you today - your dad & I are back at work. It was so nice being off. We have a busy week this week - book club, bowling, CocoKeys. I hope you cooperate with it all.
Lastly, I officially started working on your blog book today. Here is the cover & I did two other pages from the May blog posts.
Not much to share with you today - your dad & I are back at work. It was so nice being off. We have a busy week this week - book club, bowling, CocoKeys. I hope you cooperate with it all.
Lastly, I officially started working on your blog book today. Here is the cover & I did two other pages from the May blog posts.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Happy 4th of July
Hi Kiddo!
Today is a national holiday where most people spend their time doing a BBQ, boating, and lighting off fireworks. Your dad and I are lame! We are home at 8:00 pm watching Brian play soccer on the internet and I am forcing your dad to list his 10 things he loves and 10 things he hates. We were looking forward to going to a party at our friend Sandy's house but baby sickness had another plan for me! I woke up feeling really good and was looking forward to going to Farmer's Market. I think you had other plans as out of the blue, I started getting sick. I got myself together and we took the dogs down to the Old Market. Your dad and I love the Old Market. We want to live down there but I think you are going to throw a wrench into that plan! Anyway, we bought a ton of veggies and loaded up our reusable bags.
Sidenote: Your mom is a total geek. I so love it when I use my reusable bags. It makes me feel so good that I am not wasting plastic bags and I am being responsible. I seriously get such a good feeling when I use them and today we even used our produce bags today. I also feel good when I recycle. So, you will be brought up as a green baby! Your dad said he is ok with being green but he just won't be a hippie liberal with radical views. haha.
Anywho, after we loaded up on veggies, we went over Great Gramma Lang's and took her some zucchini. She makes zucchini bread and this is the first year she hasn't done a garden. I took her two big ones but was sad to learn that it will only make two loaves. That isn't even enough for your cousin Brandi to get a fix!! We went to the store and had lunch out. Then, we came home and cooked up a storm. We made spaghetti sauce FROM SCRATCH! We used fresh tomatoes, fresh herbs, ground turkey and fresh onions. Your dad said it was the best sauce we have ever made and I am telling you kiddo, we have made some good sauces. Your dad also made homemade salsa with our finds. I am so proud of us that we used so much of the food that we bought so quickly. We have plenty of veggies to eat this week at dinner and I am going to attempt to make your Great Gramma's Bread & Butter pickles - yummy!
After we cleaned up the kitchen, we were going to head to Sandy's house but you decided differently. I was sick again! So much for fireworks over the lake this year!!
After much arm twisting, here is your dad's list of things he loves and hates!
10 things your dad loves:
1) Starbucks
2) Your mom
3) His family & friends - including our furry ones
4) KC Chiefs & KC Royals
5) Watching Movies
6) Discovery Channel
7) Scuba Diving
8) Traveling
9) Cooking
10) Roller Coasters
10 things your dad hates:
1) Radical left wing Democrats
2) People who don't know how to drive
3) Mushrooms
4) Rude people
5) When the dogs get off the bed and are restless at night
6) Yardwork
7) Cold weather
8) Being sick
9) That he hasn't finished his degree
10) When he is not at his ideal weight & feels JIGGLY!
To leave you on this holiday, I will show you a couple of 4th of July pictures from the past!
2001 at Rosenblatt
2007 celebrating with Grampa Larry & Gramma Debbie
Today is a national holiday where most people spend their time doing a BBQ, boating, and lighting off fireworks. Your dad and I are lame! We are home at 8:00 pm watching Brian play soccer on the internet and I am forcing your dad to list his 10 things he loves and 10 things he hates. We were looking forward to going to a party at our friend Sandy's house but baby sickness had another plan for me! I woke up feeling really good and was looking forward to going to Farmer's Market. I think you had other plans as out of the blue, I started getting sick. I got myself together and we took the dogs down to the Old Market. Your dad and I love the Old Market. We want to live down there but I think you are going to throw a wrench into that plan! Anyway, we bought a ton of veggies and loaded up our reusable bags.
Sidenote: Your mom is a total geek. I so love it when I use my reusable bags. It makes me feel so good that I am not wasting plastic bags and I am being responsible. I seriously get such a good feeling when I use them and today we even used our produce bags today. I also feel good when I recycle. So, you will be brought up as a green baby! Your dad said he is ok with being green but he just won't be a hippie liberal with radical views. haha.
Anywho, after we loaded up on veggies, we went over Great Gramma Lang's and took her some zucchini. She makes zucchini bread and this is the first year she hasn't done a garden. I took her two big ones but was sad to learn that it will only make two loaves. That isn't even enough for your cousin Brandi to get a fix!! We went to the store and had lunch out. Then, we came home and cooked up a storm. We made spaghetti sauce FROM SCRATCH! We used fresh tomatoes, fresh herbs, ground turkey and fresh onions. Your dad said it was the best sauce we have ever made and I am telling you kiddo, we have made some good sauces. Your dad also made homemade salsa with our finds. I am so proud of us that we used so much of the food that we bought so quickly. We have plenty of veggies to eat this week at dinner and I am going to attempt to make your Great Gramma's Bread & Butter pickles - yummy!
After we cleaned up the kitchen, we were going to head to Sandy's house but you decided differently. I was sick again! So much for fireworks over the lake this year!!
After much arm twisting, here is your dad's list of things he loves and hates!
10 things your dad loves:
1) Starbucks
2) Your mom
3) His family & friends - including our furry ones
4) KC Chiefs & KC Royals
5) Watching Movies
6) Discovery Channel
7) Scuba Diving
8) Traveling
9) Cooking
10) Roller Coasters
10 things your dad hates:
1) Radical left wing Democrats
2) People who don't know how to drive
3) Mushrooms
4) Rude people
5) When the dogs get off the bed and are restless at night
6) Yardwork
7) Cold weather
8) Being sick
9) That he hasn't finished his degree
10) When he is not at his ideal weight & feels JIGGLY!
To leave you on this holiday, I will show you a couple of 4th of July pictures from the past!
2001 at Rosenblatt
2007 celebrating with Grampa Larry & Gramma Debbie
Friday, July 3, 2009
10 things
Hi Kiddo! Your dad and I were off work yesterday and today and it is heaven. Not that we have done a whole lot but it is so nice to be off work. Your dad has still been getting some phone calls and emails because he is a superstar right now. They published 2nd quarter sales and he rocked it. He was 5th in the region and 29th in the whole country!! He is so proud of his success and I am happy for him because it took him awhile to get his feet on the ground with all the turmoil we have had going on in the past year. Not only is he a rockstar but he cooked me breakfast this morning - biscuits and gravy. How spoiled am I? Don't expect warm breakfasts when you arrive - grab a box of cereal and like it :) Later, we are going to go to acupuncture and then I think we are going to see a movie.
So, a website I visit features various scrapbook designers and they always ask them for 10 things they love and 10 things they hate. I thought I would share that with you today about your mom. I told your dad I had a job for him to do the same list and I think he about stroked out. Don't expect to see any commentary from him any time soon. He said he is "a man of few words."
10 things I love -
1) Sleep and all things related to sleep - my tempurpedic bed, the cold side of the pillow, dreams, ambien, nappies, everything.
2) Scrapbooking
3) Reading
4) Music
5) Chocolate & sweets!
6) Most of my family & my friends (including your dad & our furry family) - see kiddo, you can pick your friends so you should love all of them. However, you are stuck with your family and unfortunately, we do have a couple of crazies in ours!
7) Getting the mail - each visit to the mailbox has unlimited potential to give a big surprise. Even though it usually ends up being junk mail and bills.
8) Vacation - I love to travel but also just plain days off work. I love being paid to not work.
9) Seeing you (& and all of our other babies) moving all over on the ultrasounds. It is so fun to see you up on the screen and wonder at the amazement that you are doing all of that in my tummy & I can't even feel it.
10) Meat - Beef, Chicken, Pork, some fish... I could never be a vegetarian. Not in my make up!
10 things I hate -
1) Things that disturb my sleep - noise, light, the TV being on, your dad snoring, the temperature being too hot or cold, having to get up and go to the bathroom all of the time, the alarm clock...
2) Pregnancy "morning sickness" - who are they kidding? It is 24x7. Anyone that has it just in the morning is darn lucky.
3) Mushrooms and raw tomatoes (unless they are in a really good salsa)
4) People that eat like pigs, don't exercise and are skinny!
5) When your dad reads his blackberry or dials the phone when he is driving. Drives me nuts that he is losing his focus when he could crash the car.
6) 5-6 months out of the year in Nebraska when it is so hot that you want to die or so cold that you think you have frost bite.
7) People that always want something for nothing - they find a hair in their dinner and want to eat there free for the rest of their lives. Also, I really dislike this sense of entitlement that seems to be so prevalent in society. I admit that I have a touch of it but the extent to which I see it now is crazy!
8) While I am not a political person, I really hate the way our country is being ran right now. I truly am scared for our economy and the fallout of all this spending when we don't have any cash. I always said it didn't matter to me because I didn't have any kids but if we keep it up, you are hosed!
9) People who don't take accountability for their own lives and actions. I guess that kind of goes with the entitlement thing but we are all responsible for the course of our lives. Buck up and take responsibility!
10) Shaving my legs - while I think you are a girl, if you are a boy, you won't have to worry about this :)
So, a website I visit features various scrapbook designers and they always ask them for 10 things they love and 10 things they hate. I thought I would share that with you today about your mom. I told your dad I had a job for him to do the same list and I think he about stroked out. Don't expect to see any commentary from him any time soon. He said he is "a man of few words."
10 things I love -
1) Sleep and all things related to sleep - my tempurpedic bed, the cold side of the pillow, dreams, ambien, nappies, everything.
2) Scrapbooking
3) Reading
4) Music
5) Chocolate & sweets!
6) Most of my family & my friends (including your dad & our furry family) - see kiddo, you can pick your friends so you should love all of them. However, you are stuck with your family and unfortunately, we do have a couple of crazies in ours!
7) Getting the mail - each visit to the mailbox has unlimited potential to give a big surprise. Even though it usually ends up being junk mail and bills.
8) Vacation - I love to travel but also just plain days off work. I love being paid to not work.
9) Seeing you (& and all of our other babies) moving all over on the ultrasounds. It is so fun to see you up on the screen and wonder at the amazement that you are doing all of that in my tummy & I can't even feel it.
10) Meat - Beef, Chicken, Pork, some fish... I could never be a vegetarian. Not in my make up!
10 things I hate -
1) Things that disturb my sleep - noise, light, the TV being on, your dad snoring, the temperature being too hot or cold, having to get up and go to the bathroom all of the time, the alarm clock...
2) Pregnancy "morning sickness" - who are they kidding? It is 24x7. Anyone that has it just in the morning is darn lucky.
3) Mushrooms and raw tomatoes (unless they are in a really good salsa)
4) People that eat like pigs, don't exercise and are skinny!
5) When your dad reads his blackberry or dials the phone when he is driving. Drives me nuts that he is losing his focus when he could crash the car.
6) 5-6 months out of the year in Nebraska when it is so hot that you want to die or so cold that you think you have frost bite.
7) People that always want something for nothing - they find a hair in their dinner and want to eat there free for the rest of their lives. Also, I really dislike this sense of entitlement that seems to be so prevalent in society. I admit that I have a touch of it but the extent to which I see it now is crazy!
8) While I am not a political person, I really hate the way our country is being ran right now. I truly am scared for our economy and the fallout of all this spending when we don't have any cash. I always said it didn't matter to me because I didn't have any kids but if we keep it up, you are hosed!
9) People who don't take accountability for their own lives and actions. I guess that kind of goes with the entitlement thing but we are all responsible for the course of our lives. Buck up and take responsibility!
10) Shaving my legs - while I think you are a girl, if you are a boy, you won't have to worry about this :)
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