The Cvilikas boys

As birthdays, events and special memories pop in my head, I will take the time to introduce you to your family. Brian and Brandon are my Colorado cousins. When we were pregnant last year, Brian said he couldn't wait to "be an uncle." So, we jokingly call him your uncle half the time and your cousin the other half. I would love for you to feel like your cousins (Brian, Brandon, Jeremy & Cory) are your uncles. You also get another aunt out of the deal in Brandi :) Anyway, on to those crazy Cvilikas boys...

When Brian was born, he lived across the street from me. I could run over to Aunt Val's house any time. Shortly after he was born, their family moved to Colorado. I spent many summers and school vacations in Colorado. I would babysit him then, when Brandon came, I babysat him one summer too. I don't think either of them remember because they were so young but I have fond memories of hanging out with them. We would go on trips and to the pool and various other places in Colorado. As they got older, obviously, I got older too. Family timed seemed so much less important than friend and boy time so my visits became more infrequent.

When your dad and I started dating, they were just young pups - 11 and 8. He has also been able to watch them grow up. I am not going to sugar coat it and I will probably have to debate this with them later but they had quite a few years where they were punks :) They were growing up and we were already old. However, as the years went on and they grew into themselves and matured, they have turned into fine young men that I am proud to claim as my cousins. Both of them have graduated from College. Brian is pursuing his dreams - playing college then pro soccer. Brandon is figuring out what he is going to do with his career and still managing to have fun in between his internship and work. Both of them are fun to be around - whether it is playing games, going to the casino, having a few drinks or just visiting. They have an infectious spirit and I hope they are still as rambunctious when you are able to spend time with them. I hope that Brian can teach you how to be more athletic and believe in your abilities. I hope Brandon can teach you how to be a hard worker but yet still how to enjoy life to the fullest. They both can teach you how to have a big heart & spirit. They are both quick witted and can teach you how to be a smart aleck - as if you won't learn about that enough from your mom and dad :) I feel like I could go to either of them in tears, lay my head on their shoulder and let it all out. They would probably let me get it out then make some silly comment to make me laugh and make it all go away. The nice thing about your cousins is that they are both taller than me so it makes it especially easy to lay my head on their shoulder if I need to. haha. You already have the genetics to hold your liquor but if you need help in learning how to drink or do shots (when you are of legal age of course), Uncle Brian can help you out there too. His advice is to take the shot, he has a proper breathing technique that he can teach you so shots go down smooth. I can't remember which way it is but I will take a guess - I think it is breathe in thru your mouth and breathe out your nose but I will get that confirmed for you.

These days, we see the boys only a few times a year. Each time, we try really hard to carve out a day or night for "Cousin time." I cherish those times with the Cvilikas boys and, now, with Erica. Your cousin/uncle, was lucky enough to snag himself a good girlfriend in Erica. We have welcomed her into the family as if she was born into it. Erica also has a big heart and kind spirit. She can teach you how to put up with the punk boys in your life :)


Your Uncle Brian Doing his job!


If Brian is your uncle, then this is Aunt Brandi and Uncle Brandon.

11 week dr appointment

Hi Kiddo! You were the star of the show today at the doctor's office. You have officially transformed from a little blob with a heartbeat to a little baby with a body! The doctor said all was good - your heartbeat is strong, your development is on target, your amniotic fluid is good! We go back and see him on 7/17 and then the surgery is 7/24.

You were fun to watch today - you were "rocking and rolling" all over the place according to our esteemed perinatologist, Bonehead. You were flipping all over and you were kicking your legs all around. Your dad said you are about the size of a small jalapeno pepper now.



I got all dolled up in my new cute white and yellow summer sundress. Your dad said I looked like an angel (Yeah, I was wondering what he wanted, too). I had been feeling "off" all morning and actually had your dad drive because I wasn't feeling well. It was a good thing too - I ended up getting sick in the car on the way home. You must have been rebelling against all that poking and prodding he was doing with the ultrasound wand. Thankfully, no stains on the new beautiful dress :) One positive about getting sick is that I actually feel better for a little bit.

That is about it from the doctor. We did slip a little hint in there that it sure would be nice if you were a 2009 baby. He said he could be bought :)

11 weeks & your first road trip!

Hi Kiddo!
You are officially 11 weeks today and we get to see you tomorrow! WOOHOO. Over 25% done cooking!

Well, you survived your first road trip this weekend! We left Saturday about noon and got home late last night at 10. We ate at the burger joint I love - the Nook and I think you really liked the burger. Despite being stuffed when I left, we were hungry a few hours later so I think you sucked in that burger just like your brothers did last year.

We had some rain at the soccer game and the Thunder lost but your cousin Brian did score the games only goal! Of course, we had lots of critique for him when we got home - he doesn't milk his injuries enough to get them properly called as fouls. haha.




We celebrated Great Gramma's birthday with cake and singing. When your Aunt Val shares the pictures, I will add one of Great Gramma blowing out her candles. She didn't appreciate me being sassy when I said she had enough hot air to blow them out. :) Speaking of great gramma, remember when I told you that she wouldn't beat you? Now, I am not so sure. She smacked me again this weekend because I told you all those secrets about her. Better be extra careful because her hand whips out and smacks you and you don't even see it coming. :)



I was so tired Saturday night that we didn't get to stay up and play games. On Sunday, we had brunch together and it was time to hit the road. We felt like we hardly got to see Brian and Erica so we will definitely have to head back up there this summer and spend some time with them. On the way home, we hit road construction and it delayed our travels. Then, we stopped at the outlets for your dad to go shopping. They didn't end up having anything he wanted so it turned into a free for fall for your mom to go shopping. We got some ultra cute summer stuff :)



I promised you that I would tell you about your Uncle Brian when I got home but I will save that for another day. Tomorrow, we will have news to share from the doctor & hopefully a photo. Then, I can fill you in on those Cvilikas boys. Bye for now Kiddo!

5:30?

Hi Kiddo! I think I had a talk with your brothers last year but I guess I hadn't had it with you yet. I didn't want to repeat my posts to them because I figured you could read their book to get my sage advice and wisdom. :) However, this post bears repeating so we get off on the right foot together. Your mom loves sleep. Power (read 2-3 hour) naps, sleeping late, sleeping long - I love it all. So, when i get up for no apparent reason before the crack of dawn, I have to feel you are conspiring against me and we have to put a stop to that. We operate on a minimum of 8:30 in this body, ok? Let's not have to have this chat again. Love, your (tired) Mom.

Pool Party

Hi kiddo! Tonight, your mom got out of the house, got her body in a swimsuit and went to Morgan's pool party. We were supposed to go to Minnesota tonight but we decided to go tomorrow and took your cousins to the pool party. It was a lot of fun and it may have even inspired your lazy mom to want to go to the gym to swim. We will see how that goes next week :) Before I get started on one of my novels (which I am sure you are enjoying because what kid would not like to read their mom's boring and wordy musings), I want to let you know that I think you are starting to cut me some slack in the nausea department. I am starting to have patches of time that I forget about being pregnant and being nauseous. To even fathom going to the gym is a new thought. So, I think I am on the downward side of the nausea hill. Knock on wood!

Let me tell you a little bit about water. I love water - swimming, scuba diving, water parks. I love it all. But, it didn't really start that way. It took me 7 times to pass beginning swim lessons. I don't think I am exaggerating either. However, I consider myself to be a strong swimmer now and I will do everything in my power to make you a strong swimmer as well. As soon as it is logical, we will be taking you to lessons - even if it is just to blow bubbles in the water! I hope that you come to love the pool, lakes, oceans and water parks as much as I do. Your dad, well, I don't think he enjoys the pool or lakes or water parks but he sure does love to go scuba diving and I know he is already figuring out how long it is before he can get you certified.

Because I love to do so many water activities (and your dad gets drug along), I really wanted Andrew to know how to swim. Most times, we end up taking him to fun places with us. we enrolled him in swim lessons at the Y. For over a year, he went every week. Most of the time, your dad took him. I went in the beginning then I would go occasionally. In the beginning, he wasn't much of a swimmer. He had to repeat his first class - but, that is 5 times less than your mom had to take it. After a few sessions, I took him and I couldn't even believe it. That kid who would have drown in a bathtub was swimming the full length of the pool. I was near tears because I was so proud of him. I had never felt that emotion before - the feeling of pride in someone else's accomplishment & knowing that I had a small part in making it happen. Now, he is like a fish. He went with us tonight and we didn't even have to watch him. He was on the diving board and the slide and he is confident in the water.

Then, there is your cousin Tyler. Well, Tyler is younger - he is going to be 3 soon. Some background on Tyler - he is a fussy pants. He cries at us a lot. He used to scream when we would even go near him. I think that he is some kind of super genius because I swear he knows how it hurts my feelings when he acts that way and he does it on purpose. He will run away from me then he will turn around and give me a smile that melts my heart - just flirting with me :) So, we decided to get him enrolled in swim lessons a little earlier. It was a young kids class that an adult participated in. I really enjoyed the Saturday mornings with Tyler. I felt like it gave us time with him and I got to really be close to him in the pool - he was scared and I was the only familiar face so he held on tight. He would be fussy when I picked him up and when we first got there but he would adapt to the water and end up having fun. We only made it to one session because the hassles of getting him there and the early Saturday mornings got to be too much. I also really doubted if he was enjoying himself. One day, your dad called me all excited. I didn't know why he was in such a good mood. He said that Tyler goes into the bathtub and starts talking about me. He says "Tete" and "KickKickKick" like we did in class. Oh my gosh kiddo, I was in shock and I was so full of emotions. It made me realize that he probably did sort of like me, he knew who I was and he was learning something at swim lessons. Hearing my name had never sounded so sweet! We took Tyler tonight too. Your dad picked him up and he screamed the entire way from his house to ours to the pool and for about 1/2 hour when I got him in the pool. Then, he mellowed out and started having a good time. He still clung to me in the water - which, I have to admit, I kind of enjoy since it is rare that I get to hold him like that! Debbie strapped a life jacket on him and we threw him down the slide. He didn't cry or anything. I got out of the pool later to go on the slide and he started saying my name. It always tickles my heart when he says my name. I think that once he stopped screaming and he realized he was stuck with us, he had a good time.

Anyway, kiddo, I share this with you for a few reasons. One, I hope that you are close to your cousins even though I really do believe that you are a girl :) Two, I hope that you will have a true love for water like me. Maybe if I start some swimming while you are cooking in there, that will help too. Three, after thinking about my experiences with your cousins, it makes it unimaginable as to what my life will be like when you are here. To know that I will have a large part in how you grow up, seeing your victories & successes, hearing you talk & say mama for the first time is so overwhelming to me. You know how I told you yesterday that I am not good at emotions & I hope that you break me of that? As I write tonight, I can't imagine that you WON'T break me of that. Those two small moments that changed my heart with your cousins cannot compare to having you grow up in my life full time and I can't wait!

Tomorrow, off to Minnesota to see Uncle Brian play some soccer. When I get home, I will tell you about your Uncle Brian and how he isn't really your uncle but you can call him that anyway :)

Great Gramma Lang

Hi kiddo! Today is your Great Gramma Lang's Birthday so it gives me an opportunity to give you all the scoop on her so you can get started out on the right foot. Gramma turns 76 today! She has had a rough year this year with your Great Grampa Lang being sick and dying but she is a fighter! She is running her big old house on her own and she is mowing everyday just like Grampa would.

I would say that I am more like your Great Gramma Lang than I am any other member of my family. Your gramma is stubborn and doesn't forget those trespasses against her. Sorry kiddo, but your mom is the same way. Better watch your Ps & Qs around us.

Gramma has very high expectations out of her family and I already have the highest expectations out of you! It isn't like Gramma expected any of us to be doctors but she always expected us to give our best. That is how I feel about you too. Your Gramma Debbie asked me why I turned out to be a good kid. That was an easy answer for me - your Great Gramma scares me - and she still does. haha. Gramma would never beat you or anything - well, I do think she has swatted me a few times in the last year for being lippy - but I just would never want to disappoint her. I would not want to have to face the look and see that disappointment on her face. Grampa either - the look of shame over the top of his glasses - you just don't want to face it so you do your best to avoid it. Gramma may be more mellow to you since you are going to be all cuddly and an infant but don't worry, I have mastered the look to give you if you screw up :)

Gramma doesn't show a ton of emotion - I think I can probably count on one hand how many times I have seen her upset. Unfortunately, I don't show a ton of emotion either. I am working on it and I am hoping you will break that spell :)

Whether she would admit it or not, Gramma is SASSY. She shakes her head at how lippy and silly I can be sometimes but I am thinking I get that from her. Since Grampa passed away, she says whatever comes to her mind - her filter is gone. She is quick witted and sharp with her tongue. I asked her why this was coming out of her so late in life and she said that she had to put in double the feedback because she has to make up for what Grampa would have said. It was hilarious but I don't think Grampa would have said some of the things that Gramma comes up with :)

Your gramma has a huge heart - she would do anything for any of her family. I don't think any of her grandkids could ever say that we wanted something and she knew about it and she didn't pick it up next time she was out shopping. Gramma has spoiled me rotten on holidays, birthdays and many days in between. There were two unexpected gifts that were probably the most heartfelt unexpected gifts I have ever gotten. When your dad and I got engaged, Gramma gave me a pair of earrings. They were not expensive but it was so touching that she got me an engagement gift and those earrings meant a lot to me. When your dad and I moved in together (yes, we did live in sin together before we got married and I won't judge you if you do), Gramma gave us 2-3 boxes full of Christmas ornaments and decorations. I don't know that I fully appreciated it when she gave it to us but man, oh, man, Christmas decorations are so expensive and those boxes decorated our house! The gift was so unexpected and thoughtful. Every Easter, Halloween, Valentine's Day and Thanksgiving I would get a card with $1 or $2 in it. I asked her this past Easter where my card was with my $1 and she rolled her eyes at me. She basically said get over it, I am an adult now. Remember when I told you she was sassy?

When I was little, I would go over Gramma's house on Friday nights when your Grampa Keith and Gramma Debbie went bowling. We would have dinner and watch TV. Gramma would sit in her rocking chair as we watched Love Boat and Fantasy Island. If I was spending the night, she would make up the couch for me with a sheet, blankets and pillows. If I was going home, she would always leave a quarter on the table for me. That was a big deal for you mom kiddo!! A quarter won't be a lot of money to you but it was in the 70s and early 80s. Gramma has her rocking chair up in the rafters in the garage. I told her I would like it for the nursery. That rocker means a lot to me - it just reminds me of all things Great Gramma!

I saw a whole different side to Gramma this past year. When Grampa was sick with cancer, he was really sick for the last few weeks. Gramma took care of him with a patience and love that I hadn't seen in her. I am sure she was the same way with all of us grandkids but I was too little to remember that. Poor Grampa was on a lot of medicine and he was kind of goofy during parts of the day. It didn't phase Gramma at all. He would ask for food, then not eat it and she would just roll her eyes and take it back. :) When she talked to him with such patience, love and concern, it almost broke my heart because I knew that their time together was ending soon. Even with Grampa sick and on all sorts of medicine, he would still look at his visitors and tell us Gramma was picking on him again!

I know that your Great Gramma really wants an excuse to give me that rocker and she wants you here as badly as we do. She is nervous because of our history and I know that she is praying for your health. If you need any more incentive to stay in there cooking, that woman will love you up when you get here! Maybe you could give her incentive to bump up the Valentine's day cards to have $5 now :)

Seriously?

Hi Kiddo! I was combing my hair in the mirror today - which is kind of a rare thing these days because I have been getting out of the shower and throwing a baseball hat on - and I saw a few grey hairs. They were shining in the bathroom light like silver strands. The last time I saw a grey hair was in 2003 with Little M. How is it fair that we are put through these torturous pregnancies with nothing to show for them except nausea and grey hair? Obviously, we are praying that you are the exception and you will cause your dear old mom lots of grey hair but today? Now? At 10 weeks? Come on... Your dad just laughed at my flip out. His only words of comfort were "Well, you aren't as grey as I am." Seriously? He has less brown hair than grey these days so that is not a comfort to your mom who is 6 years younger than your dad.

Oy...what is next? Hemorrhoids? Thick black hairs growing out of my chin and a mustache? Thinner and finer hair than I have now? I am in shock - but, still less shock than when I found out you were cooking in there! :)

Food

Hi kiddo! I thought I would tell you about some of the food that I have been craving then we can see what your tastes are when you get a little older. When we were pregnant with Little M, we ate at Carlos O Kelley's mexican restaurant several times a week. With the twins, it was crab rangoon and egg rolls. In all 3 pregnancies, I love and crave fruit. With you, we should just name you cheerio. I eat a huge bowl of cheerios once or twice a day. My cholesterol should be way down!! We did eat at Carlos O'Kelley's and I pigged out. It was so good. And, it didn't make me sick. I have had crab rangoon & eggrolls once and it was tasty. But, we are pretty much being sustained on Cheerios. Vanilla yogurt burst are my favorite but they are hard to find. Dad said next time he sees them, he is going to buy the store out. :)

We are going to start focusing on more protein and see if that helps the nausea. Yesterday, we had a big fat leftover steak for lunch and it was yummy!! Today, we are going to have left over pork chops that your dad made for us last night. They were soooooo good. I think we need to get you a few other nutrients than the cheerios can provide.

I don't think you will have a choice but to be a sweet addict like your mom - oh, and your dad. But, maybe you will surprise us and had your fill of sweets (& cheerios) in the womb that you will prefer veggies and lean protein. :)

10 weeks

You are 25% done cooking today kiddo! Honestly, it has been a long 5 weeks for your mom. Time seems to be standing still for me. It feels like we have known about you for 5 months and should almost be time for you to get here but it has only been 5 weeks. I definitely think you are moving around and growing in there. I can't feel you kicking or anything (I have never felt that in any of my pregnancies so you will be the first) but I can feel my parts getting bigger and moving upwards. It is really odd because there is like an invisible line across my tummy that lets me feel where you & your womb are. It was definitely moving yesterday.

Father's Day was uneventful. I felt awesome - no nausea or anything - until 2:00. Then, we were done dealing and hurling. The rest of the day was shot. I didn't even get to see Grampa Keith. Your dad had to take his gift over there.

I talked to your dad about names. He was OK with Bobbie but he said people will think you were a Roberta. Yeah, I don't like that so much. So, you are officially Maggie Marie now. I think that if you surprise us and pop out as a boy, you would be Noah Robert. Your cousin Brandi said that Maggie Marie was perfect for customized M&M's and I think she is right on the money. We could order those for people that come visit you in the hospital :)

Well, kiddo, that is about it for today on your 10 week growing day. This week your mom is getting a haircut, bowling and then we head to Minnesota. We are going to drug up like there is no tomorrow to get through the weekend.

Early morning

3 Doors down must have been too much for you last night because you are getting me back this morning! I didn't go to bed until 1:30 am but I was up at 7:30 and couldn't get back to sleep. I think you are telling me "Hey, you kept me up last night, I will keep you up this morning!"

So, I was thinking about names this morning when I couldn't fall asleep. In the early years of our marriage, your dad and I would toss around names that we just liked. As we actually became pregnant, we had experienced more loss in our lives and the names we chose became more important and meaningful. In 2003, when we delivered "Little M", we named him Robert Mark Lang Brigham. We already knew that none of our kiddos would be named Robert so it was a safe choice that honored your dad as well as having my middle name. When we were pregnant with twins in 2008, we chose two additional boy names - Xander Joseph & Jacob Robert. Xander was always our favorite boy name. I really liked Jacob but it is so popular that I was hesitant on it. Our middle names had special meaning to us. Joseph is Grampa Larry's middle name and he was gone by then. Robert had so many meanings - your dad, your Grampa Brigham and your Great Grampa Lang. Grampa Brigham left us during the pregnancy and Great Grampa Lang left shortly after we had the babies.

Now, this brings us to you. Pretty much since I have been pregnant, I have thought you were a girl. If you pop out as a boy, that is ok too but my instinct (and the psychic, haha) is telling me you are a girl. We did have girls names picked out in our last pregnancy and we will probably end up going in a similar direction. Our first choice was Maggie Jo. A friend of a friend was named Maggie and I really like it. Your Gramma Debbie will think it is because it was her nickname when I was little but really, I just plain like it. We were going to use Jo from Larry's middle name & it is also your Aunt Valerie's middle name. This morning, I think that I may have changed my mind on the middle name. I think I would prefer Maggie Marie. Marie is my middle name, Aunt Sheila's middle name and Brandi's middle name. But, most importantly, your Grampa Larry always used to call me Marie. So, I am still honoring him and will think of him each time I use your name but you also get a small part of the Lang side with me, Brandi and Aunt Sheila. Since you get your dad's last name, he gets his family honored there. Another name that popped in my head today was Bobbie Marie. I haven't talked to your dad about this one yet - the bum is sleeping while I am awake. I kind of dig Bobbie - I think it is a cute girls name and it still honors your dad, Grampa Brigham & Great Grampa Lang. We will see what your dad thinks later when he wakes up. He is kind of picky!

Well, that is about it for this morning. I am sure it will be nap time for us pretty soon!

Wow - lots of news!

Hi kiddo,

I feel like I have so many things to tell you and I just wrote to you a couple of days ago!

On Friday, I had an appointment with a psychic and he told me you were a girl. No surprise there. Then, he said there was a twin in there with you. Ummmm...not a possibility. Since we know there is not a twin, he said that you will have a baby brother some day. He said that your brothers (4) & sisters (2) are up in heaven but they are with us everyday & that we will be reunited someday. That has always been my personal belief but it was nice to hear it from someone else.

Today, I finally talked your dad into getting me a new laptop. After wanting an apple for a long time, I finally caved! He got a free itouch out of it so he was happy too. Your scrapbook pages are going to be awesome.

As a spur of the moment decision, we also traded in my car! Your dad has always hated my car and we ended up getting the car that we have always wanted - a Mazda 3. I would like to say that we are going to hand this down to you but 16 years is a long time for a single car. But, this will be the car you are brought home in and raised in!

OK, the news that impacts you most. You went to your first concert today! I doubled up on my anti-nausea and we rocked at 3 Doors Down. WOOHOO. Awhile back, your dad and I talked about who our #1 concert choice would be. His was Sheryl Crow and mine was Bobby Seger. Both of those came true. My #2 choice was 3 Doors Down and it was fulfilled tonight. I wish you could remember your thoughts in the womb because I am sure you were quite confused tonight. For one thing, we were out of the house from noon until midnight. WOW - what a day of activity. I was also jamming in my chair at the concert. On the last song, I couldn't help but get up and dance. You probably didn't know what the heck that was all about since we are not very active! Finally, it was LOUD. I don't think you can hear that well yet but if you could, at least it was good tunes! My all-time favorite song is Kryptonite by them and it was played tonight.

A side note, the psychic told me that I need to learn not to stress about all the little things and learn how to not take on people's problems as my own. I knew that this was true but I didn't realize how true it was until today. I will work on it for you kiddo because you don't need to be feeling stress in there!

Tomorrow is Father's Day and it is bittersweet. For years, we had TOO MANY places to go - Lang's, Brigham's, Faiman's, and Blankman's. This year, we only have one dad left. This is probably going to be hard for your dad since it is his first father's day without your grampa bob. But, knowing you are on the way is also going to help him get through it. For me, I am not missing your Grampa Larry as much as I had been in the past - it has almost been two years. However, I am missing your Great Grampa Lang for Father's Day tomorrow. He was always our master griller and chef. Last year, we all hung out over there and celebrated his last Father's Day with us. I am sure all those grampas are up there and taking care of you - Grampa Larry, Grampa Bob, Grampa Faiman, Grampa Lang and Grampa Bill. Even though we know that they are looking out for you and are in a "better place," it doesn't make the loss any less painful for us left behind!

I don't think we have any big plans this week but I will have lots to tell you next weekend - we are going on your first road trip to Minnesota to see your "Uncle" Brian play soccer. Then, when we get home, it will be time for our 3 week doctor appointment and we will get to see you again! I am betting you are shaping up now and aren't going to look like such a little blob!!

9 weeks

Hey kiddo! Not much new this past week. We didn't go to the doctor so we didn't get to see you this past week. You are still making me sick with nausea. Any way we could cut a deal & you could make it go away? I would so appreciate it :) I have also had some problems sleeping lately and I think you are restless!

Last Thursday, we went and got "poked" - literally! You had your first acupuncture treatment. I was hoping it would help with the nausea but no results there. I also had her "pop" my shoulder. For some reason, your mom stores up all her emotion in her left shoulder. I have learned with acupuncture, it can release some of that emotion. Finally, she did some specific points to keep you in there cooking. It only makes sense that she helped you enter this world and she is helping you stay in there :) With every poke, I tried to envision you getting little bursts of love and energy. I barely feel the needles so I know you don't but I hope you felt the love and healing power.

We have a big weekend coming up this weekend. On Saturday, it is your Aunt Cindy's (aka funsucker) 50th Birthday party then we have tickets to 3 Doors Down. Please, please, please kiddo give me a day off to feel good. Last year, I had tickets to 3 Doors Down and your brothers made me too sick to go. I don't want to miss it again. Maybe some Kryptonite will calm you down!

That is all the news from outside the womb!

8 weeks...

Well, I have been off the blog for two weeks but that doesn't mean I have forgotten about you kiddo! You are officially a kiddo and you are officially 8 weeks and 1 day. We went to the doctor last Tuesday and found out that you were 7 weeks 1 day. It relieved us that you were not going to be born drunk. But, I have to tell you that I was a bit bummed for 2 reasons. 1) That puts you as being delivered in 2010 - we sure would have liked a 2009 tax write off and a Christmas baby :) 2) That means my sickness started at about 5 weeks. OY!!

We went back to the doctor today & you are still fine. You are a little blob on the screen with a heartbeat. No problems. I told the doctor that I didn't want to come every week. While I would like to see you every week, there is nothing that could be done if something goes wrong. So, we are not going to see you for 3 weeks. Then, 3 weeks after that, we will be whisked away for surgery to sew you in there nice and tight.

Well kiddo, I am at peace today with everything. I am going to go a bit philosophical on you here. I always figured that we lost your little brothers early on in our pregnancy because it just wasn't God's time for us to have babies. We tempted fate by doing fertility treatments and it wasn't meant to be. With you showing up unexpectedly, I have thought that it must be fate that you will make it to full term. There was a voice nagging in my head that kept saying, if you didn't make it full term, why would God do that to us? Why would he tease us with you unexpectedly and then take you away? So, I prayed on it last night and a big thought came to me. I prayed for our fertility issues to be resolved one way or the other. You know what kiddo? You are the answer to that prayer no matter what happens! If you stay in cooking until 35+ weeks and you are tortured by us until the end of time, you are fulfilling our prayers. But, if you are only with us for a short time and it isn't meant to be your time here with us, you are answering our prayers by letting us know that it just isn't meant to be for us to try for any more kiddos. Previously, I thought it would be a cruel trial from God but now, I see there is wisdom, closure and peace in whichever direction you end up going. I can't control it. The doctors can't control it. Your dad can't control it. So, I have stopped spending all of that energy on worrying and fretting because whatever your purpose is, you will serve it. And, I firmly believe that when it is my time (and your dad's time) to kick the bucket, we will be reunited with all of our little ones that have returned to God.

You are still making me sick. You are kicking out some strong baby hormones - even more than the twins that came before you!! I am nauseous everyday and the hurling started on Thursday. The only time I am not sick is if I am feeding my face and honestly, I don't want to gain 100 lbs with you!! The only bright side is that while I am sick, I know you are still there torturing me with your hormones :)

That is all of my updates for you kiddo. Pretty much everyone knows about you except your Aunt Candi. I wasn't able to connect with her to tell her & she went on vacation. We had to tell all of our family and friends at your dad's 40th birthday party because your Gramma Debbie has loose lips. The reactions from everyone were quite varied. Mostly, people are happy for us but nervous because of our history. A couple were sad because they know how hard the pregnancies and losses are on us. But, no matter what, we will get through it. Most importantly, did you catch that your dear old dad is 40? Yep, 40 and grey and expecting a baby!