Bit of a catch up

Hi babies!
I don't know that I have ever been this far behind in my scrapbooking.  Normally, I am pretty current - within a month or two.  I am now almost 8 months behind!!  Kinda scary as the photos keep piling up.  But, January thru April seem to be a bit slow for photos.

I am sure I have a lot to share with you but I just don't have the words today  :)  I am sure I will be inspired with some midnight ramblings soon.

Valentine's Day - No good photos this year.

Erica's shower - after the shower, you guys came up for Pizza.  Poor Joey was at the beginning stage of an ear infection.  You know what was cool, Elijah?  Erica texted me about wanting to see her godson.  In my eyes, you have always been blessed with 4 Godparents - Becky, Steve, Brian and Erica.  But, it was super nice to hear her say it.  You know what else was cool, Joey?  I was going to take you home Friday night and she wanted you to stay the night with her.  You two bonded and snuggled together on the first day you ever met her!

You guys are LOVING the kinect.  It is nice that it is a physical game the whole family can play.  Even though Joey isn't really playing, he gets right up there to help.  I love hearing you & your dad play.  All 3 of you get so automated.

Open gym night with Morgan & Debbie

St Patrick's Day - a big walk to the park.  At the top of the slide, it was always a big ordeal with Elijah - he had to count to 5 then he said "Put your hands up"  It sounded whimsical like a pop song  :)

Disney on ice - For 2 days, Elijah was so excited to go see Mickey.  Then, when we were at dinner before the show, he decided that he would rather go home and be with the puppies.  He was scared of everything!  When we got there, he was the only kid screaming to go home.  When we were in our seats , both boys were crabby and wanting to go home.  When the lights went out and the show started, they both crawled up on their daddy and buried their heads in his shoulder.  Elijah calmed down when the Incredibles came out and it wasn't scary.  Joey calmed down when Mickey came out but he was pretty reserved for the whole first half.

By the end of the show, Elijah said "That wasn't scary.  I was silly."  Joey was clapping and enjoying himself.  By the very end, it went on about 15 minutes too long, they were a bit stir crazy. But, for the finale, I did coax my shy little guy Eli into saying "Byebye" to Mickey, Minnie, Donald and Goofy as well as blowing them a kiss.  

Since it was 9:00, they were kind of tired.  In the car, I asked Elijah his favorite and he said his favorite was Mickey.  I was surprised it wasn't Captain Hook & the crocodile.  I said to Joey "You saw Mickey tonight & Minnie & Donald & Goofy."  He took his milk out of his mouth and slowly said "Goofy" then plopped his cup back in his mouth.

I must confess that I was quite discouraged when we got there.  When Elijah was flipping out, I was regretting our Disney trip in April.  But, once they settled in and I was watching their faces, I knew that the trip was a good decision and I am quite excited.  But, I also realized that I am more like my grampa and Keith than I would like.  I get quite impatient in situations like that.  I was quite crabby when he was acting out at an activity 100% for him.  I was already thinking how to cancel the trip.  That wasn't really a positive reflection of myself and I need to work on it.

Misc scrapbook pages

Getting old...

Hi babies...
I realized this week (and not for the first time) that I am getting old.  I am just shy of 40.  When I was 16, 40 seemed ANCIENT.  Now, I am rounding that corner checking my 401k to see if I will ever retire.  Checking your college fund to see if you will ever be able to afford it.  But, I had a large realization this past week that I can't really articulate well.  I am not worried about age anymore.  I am not worried about growing old.  I am mostly worried that with my passing age, it signals your growth and aging too.  The closer I get to 50, the closer you guys are to being teenagers.  The closer I get to 60 (for sweet Pete, how can I even think of being close to 60?), the closer you are to leaving the house.

We had a fun weekend this past weekend.  We went to open gym at the Gymnastics center. You had a sleepover at Morgan's.  Elijah wanted to live there forever.  Joey was happy there but also happy to see us.  We walked up to the park at Pawnee and you played.  We celebrated St. Patrick's Day with.... the park and our usual corned beef dinner.

Tomorrow, we are going to Disney on Ice.  I am so excited to see how you guys act.  it will be a good preview into our trip in April.  I hope that we can go to The Croods this weekend as we have no other plans.

I haven't been taking a lot of photos.  I snapped a couple on Valentine's day, at Erica's shower, the gymnastics center and then at the park.  That is it for this whole year.  Quite a change from the past 6 months where I had more photos than I knew what to do with!!

That is about it for now, boys.  I mostly wanted to get it written down about aging.  This whole different way of thinking was quite a shift for me!  Love you monkeys soooo much  :)

Your songs...

We have had our fair share of weird things happen with you boys that have questioned us to wonder what kind of souls you guys have inside of you.  Is there a bit of Grampa Larry?  Grampa Bob?  My Grampas?  Sometimes, you will act just like them.  But, more often than not, you guys remind me so much of Grampa Larry.

As some therapy, I need to get some things out  :)  See, I truly believe that I just really didn't know how much I truly loved your Grampa Larry.  He had some really bad days when he was drinking that made me want to move out and never speak to him again.  He could be really cruel on those days and I think it overshadowed the good that he brought to my life.  But, now that he is gone, I can truly see his part in my life and how much he enriched it.  His death brings me a sadness I never expected and it is almost 6 years later.  When I think of my grampas, I get sad.  I get wistful.  But, when I think of Larry, I truly still grieve and I really didn't expect that at all.  It was quite a powerful thing to realize.  I am lucky that I said all I needed to say to him before he died but I do have the regret that this realization came after he was gone.  I wish I would have paid more attention to spending more time over there before he was sick and recognized its value.

In order to tie those points above to my story below, I need to give you both some backstory.

1) When Elijah was born I "picked" a song for him.  Every night, I would sing it to him.  I chose "I could not ask for more" by Sara Evans.  When Joey was born, I thought he needed his own song.  I wracked my brain and when we were in the NICU, we snuggled up and I went through my iPhone and found his song.  I sing it to them every night and now Elijah is learning to sing it.

2) Today, mom was over and I asked her when it was ever going to get easier that Larry is gone.  It just seems like after all this time, it should get easier and it doesn't seem to be.  She said that she thinks it gets harder.  I told her those things above and how I was surprised at how hard it was.  She was surprised but she said "Larry loved you to the max."  I couldn't ask for a better conversation.

So anyway, we were in the car on the way home from daycare and Garth was playing.  Elijah got all excited and said "That is the wind in your face guy."  I was really impressed that he could recognize voices.  So, I found the song and started playing it.  I said "Let's go put it on in the house and we will let Gramma hear it."  So, we came in the house and I started playing it and mom got really quiet.  She said "Why does he like this song?"  So, I told her that it was really Joey's song and the story above.  She starts crying and I am thinking "What did I say?"

Turns out that Larry's nephew Mark always played "To make you feel my love" and Larry would dance with her and sing it to her.  What are the odds that in the 5,000 songs on my iphone that I would choose my little Joseph a song that meant so much to my mom and Larry?  Just another way that he is still with us.

Tonight, we went in the car to go to the store.  Elijah kept asking to play "wind in your face song."  I put it on and he would sing right along as best as he can.  I tried to change the song because it was a bit too emotional tonight.  Then he would ask again.  With the first few piano keys, he said "This is my favorite song."

I was listening to my baby boy sing.  I was listening to the lyrics telling me all the ways that I could feel his love and it truly struck me that Elijah singing this song could be a bit of a reminder of Larry's love.  Maybe he has turned this song into a message for me to think of him and feel his presence - because "There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do, go to the ends of the earth for you, to make you happy, make your dreams come true and to make you feel my love."  I still think that it took Larry to go to the ends of the earth for my dreams to come true - my babies.

I hope that with each passing in my life, I have learned from it and grown.  I hope that I can apply those lessons to all of the people that I love that are still living.  I hope that I can show them here and now how much I love them and not look back and realize I did give 100%!

I emailed Larry's nephew and told him the story.  He said that every night that Larry came up to watch him play, he requested that song.  The story made him smile and think of Larry, too  :)

When the rain
Is blowing in your face
And the whole world
Is on your case
I could offer you
A warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows
And the stars appear
And there is no - one there
To dry your tears
I could hold you
For a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you
Haven't made
Your mind up yet
But I would never
Do you wrong
I've known it
From the moment
That we met
No doubt in my mind
Where you belong

I'd go hungry
I'd go blind for you
I'd go crawling
Down the avenue
You Know there's nothing
That I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging
On the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change
Are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing
Like me yet

I could make you happy
Make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends
Of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love