Lots of Misc stuff

Hi Alejandro! I had the weirdest thing happen to me today - I was getting ready to tell your dad something about you and the words that popped into my head were "Xander blahblahblah." It was the first time I had ever thought of you as Xander. In the last few days, your dad has surrendered all naming rights to me. I am not sure why he did but I am not going to complain. Ezekiel, here you come :)

Yesterday, your Uncle Zach and I went to the Pottery Place and did some painting. We had fun. I can see lots of cute baby stuff if my first project turns out well. Of course, it would be helpful to know your name and all but.... Your Uncle Zach also took my 20 week photo. Zach's mom, Leisa, said I wasn't even showing yet. OY. I hope people think I am showing. Otherwise, they are just going to think I have a belly like your Grampa Keith's :)



Today, I took the pooches to the dog park with Debbie, Morgan and their dog Bailey. Yeah, our lazy mutts looked around and stayed by my feet most of the time. I knew it was going to go down that way but it was fun. It was gorgeous outside, tons of cute dogs running around and time to chat with Debbie. I am not giving up on our lazy butt pooches though. I would take them again - they are currently so exhausted they are knocked out like me on Ambien!! Your dad has decided that I need to be treated like a princess so he has assumed all responsibility for the house. You know those pains last week? He took them pretty seriously. I came home to almost all the dishes being done, the laundry room cleaned, laundry all caught up and the basement picked up. Man, I could get used to this treatment :)

Your dad and I had dinner at the casino - the first time you and I have been in a smoking environment. Hope you weren't high from the 2nd hand smoke! We got there at 4:15 and they didn't open until 4:30. Of course, we had to gamble some of your college savings away. Your dad lost $20 in 10 minutes. I broke even. After dinner, I didn't feel like walking all the way to the cashier to cash out my chips so i put it on the craps table. Turned $15 into $40 so at least your dad got his losses back. You better start thinking of jobs that hire 5 year old or you will never get to college. haha.

We watched a video tonight - it was the one telling us how to wrap you up and shut you up. It was pretty informative. I am reading the matching book but the video was nice to actually see the technique to wrap you in saran wrap :) I think your dad was kind of impressed but he will forget all of it when it comes time to put it to use so we will have to request it from Blockbuster again.

You have been relatively quiet today. Yesterday, we had a starbucks chocolatey chip frappucino and you liked that - you were moving up a storm. I normally feel you first thing when I wake up then a little bit during the day and right when I go to bed. I felt you a bit on the way to the dog park. You were sitting REALLY low. When we did your baby education tonight, you were up higher and were moving right where the machine was. I think you were just so excited that we moved from program 1 to program 2.

Oh, your mom is so old that I forgot the biggest news first - YOU ARE HALF WAY DONE COOKING! I guess I casually mentioned my 20 week photo but didn't discuss the importance of the event. We are half way to meeting you. Technically, since I would like the 2009 tax write off, you are over 1/2 done cooking now. haha. One more month and I think your dad will completely relax and start to dream of mini-Chiefs jerseys, Husker onesies and lots of boy stuff that their dads buy them. Me? I am still a little flipped out by the video where the mom's were saying their babies only stayed asleep for 1 hour at a time. Ummmm....that won't work for us kiddo. Hopefully, your baby education and the techniques on the video will alleviate that problem. One mom was so excited because her baby went from 1 hour to 3 hours. Yeah, here is the deal Ezekiel, we need 8-10 hours of sleep at a time. 12 is even better. Less than 8 and I think I could turn into one of those species that eats their young...Not to scare you or anything but this is something we better start negotiating now.

Your Uncles

Hi Alejandro! I don't know if I told you this but if your dad and I call you by name, we call you Alejandro. No, it won't be your given name but we like to use it in jest now!

Hasn't been a great day. I was up at 6:00 am and just couldn't go back to sleep and I think you were causing me a lot of pain today. I was getting a lot of cramps and it had me pretty concerned. But, then, I got a big kick from you that was followed by a cramp. You have been pretty darn active today and I think you are just hitting me in some sensitive spots.

Yesterday was Gramma Debbie's birthday. I have made an executive decision that I am not going to tell you about your Gramma Debbie, Gramma Ruth or Grampa Keith. I am going to let you meet them and form your own relationships. I won't tell you that your Gramma Ruth calls your mom a wussy or Gramma Debbie sings horribly (which is magnified in a small car) or that your Grampa Keith mutters a lot. You can meet them and love them while they spoil you rotten and then later down the road, you can tell me and your dad how rotten we are and how you wish we were nice to you like your grandparents :)

So, I am hitting right in between your Uncle Tyler and Uncle Zach's birthdays so it is time to introduce you to them. It is odd for your mom to have brothers that are so much younger than me. Tyler is 14 years younger and Zach is 17 years younger. If people ask, I still say I was an only child - not because I don't consider the boys my brothers but because for all practical purposes, I was raised as an only child. Since we never lived together, we don't have that kind of bond that you might see between Brandi, Jeremy and Cory or Brian and Brandon - our relationship is different.

When Tyler was born, it was so exciting to have a baby in the family. It had been a long time since we had one in Omaha. He was kind of a novelty to me. Now, he is going to be 20 and (whether he likes it or not), he is a full fledged adult. I see a lot of your Grampa Keith in Tyler. They look similar, they have the same temperament and mannerisms and they act alike. There is no doubting that Tyler is Grampa Keith's son and my brother. I think Tyler and I look really similar. Unfortunately, we both got Grampa Keith's hair - thin, fine, and limp. (Yeah, nothing really positive to say about hair except that, unlike Grampa Keith, we have some) We have the same skin coloring and I think we have the same facial structure. Uncle Tyler's nose is different than mine - he has his mom's nose and I have my mom's nose. There are times when I will get out of the shower and not dry or do my hair. I can see Tyler looking back at me in the mirror!

I have always thought your Uncle Tyler was pretty shy but it seems like he just has a whole different side to himself that I don't see very often. In the last few years, he has been coming out of his shell a bit and hanging around with the family more. Also, seeing him post on facebook, I get to see a whole different side of him that cracks me up. He has a dry sense of humor that is endearing. Tyler is finishing up his schooling at ITT and hopefully, he will land a job that pays well. After all, his sister is so much his senior that he may have to help support me in my old age :) I can't really even guess how your Uncle will be with you. It will be interesting to see if he takes in an interest in wanting to be around you. He is really good with your cousin Andrew so I have high hopes for him and you to bond. I would really like you to learn some of Tyler's technical skills - he is good with computers and electronics.

Then, there is your Uncle Zach. When Zach was a baby, I think he pretty much hated me. I can't remember if he hated everyone in the family or just me. I have a funny picture of him and Brandi together. For some reason, I think they got a long just great. As Zach got older, he grew to like me (I think - you will have to ask him) and he became my crafting buddy. When the boys would come over, he would work in my craft room with me. Your Uncle Zach was, in most ways, the opposite of your Uncle Tyler. He was outgoing and demonstrative and had a flair for drama. We would all shake our head and laugh at him. But, as he has gotten older, he has grown more introverted - at least around family. I am sure if you asked his friends, they would know him like we did when he was younger. Occasionally, I can drag a glimpse of the old Zach out of him :) Your Uncle loves taking pictures and writing and being creative. His old sense of drama shows up in his writing so maybe we can get a him a best-selling author career to take of his elderly sister. :)

As far as looks go, he definitely is your Grampa Keith's son. He looks like a lot of our extended family - the Proksels. When he was little, he was one of the few natural blondes we had in the family but now he has dark hair like us. I don't think Zach and I share as many physical similarities as me and Tyler. But, you know what is so funny? Neither one of them will think so but your cousin Brandi and your Uncle Zach really share a lot of the same personality traits. I don't think they hang out much or talk much for them to see it but it is amazing how similar they are. I think they both have the same sense of humor, they both profess to hate people and both profess to not care what others think. I would like you to inherit some of Zach's passion. I don't get to see it as often as when he was younger but combine that passion with a smidge of his flair for drama with your dad's full out fledge for drama and you will be pretty funny to watch.

I have always thought Uncle Zach was good with kids so I think you guys will get along fine. However, you are going to be born right when his life is going through a lot of changes - he will be graduating high school, he will be deciding where to live, what to do and becoming an adult. I don't know how much time that is going to leave for you but I hope he will be able to make some time for you :)

A tiny little thing to wrap up. Sometimes, those boys take me by surprise. Tyler posted on facebook that he had 3 siblings. I posted back "Huh? Where did you pick up the 3rd?" He wrote back that he counted Mark. That was so nice that I almost had tears in my eyes. But, your dad has been around from when they were little turds - 14 years a few days ago - so he has watched them grow up and would be as much their brother as I am their sister. Zach emailed me out of the blue just to tell me how much he liked the blog and liked reading about you. It was so nice and unexpected!!

Here is a photo of all of us at your dad's 40th Birthday party.

SSSHHH...It's a secret

Hi ya little turd!
I watched our ultrasound DVD and you were quite a turd yesterday. You were not cooperating at all and I know you were doing that because you know I like nice pictures of you :) That is ok, I will forgive you since you are healthy and we got a clean bill of health.

So, I have a secret to share with you - your dad might be embarrassed if he knew I told you and your devoted followers. Every morning, your dad acts as my alarm clock when he leaves. He comes in and gives me a kiss and he tells me he loves me. To which, your mom promptly responds by grunting or rolling over away from him or something else really romantic. This morning though, the routine changed. He gave me a smooch, told me he loved me then he did something completely unexpected. He kissed my tummy - he kissed you! Your dad is really hesitant to give into this whole pregnancy. We have had way too much heartache in the past 6 years and until you are actually here, I don't think he is going to give 100% of himself to you. He is getting closer as our weeks pass. He asks how you are everyday, how I am feeling, if you are moving, etc. But, for him to give you a smooch was a HUGE deal this morning and something I didn't want to forget down the road.

I will warn you in advance what your dad is going to say when he reads this. He will say that he never did that. He will say that your mom must have been dreaming. I suppose that is possible but I think he really did it. See, he says these silly things everyday and when I tell you about them, he rolls his eyes and says I made it up. I don't know if he plain doesn't remember saying these things or if he is embarrassed that I told you but know in advance that your dad fibs. :)

In any event, I hope that you could feel your first little smooch from your dad. Sorry to say that he has an advantage over your dear old mom - there is no way my head is going to be able to reach down to my belly and smooch ya. I will have to wait until you are here to smooch you all up!!

All is well...

All is well baby boy! They said the pains were normal and not to worry. The nurse said I need to drink more water - even though I feel like I am drinking 24x7. You were kind of foreign to us on the ultrasound today - not really in a good position for us to see your profile. But, all your measurements, organs and bones must have looked good because we got a clean bill of health. The ultrasound tech asked if we knew the gender and I said, "Well, you have told us it is a boy twice but I don't believe it." As she was doing the ultrasound, she froze the screen and talked to me like a kindergartner - "See this leg? See that leg? See the boy parts in the middle?" Guess you are officially Baby Boy Brigham now :)

We don't go back for 3 weeks so Bonehead must have been pleased with your progress.

Rough night

Hi kiddo!
Your mom is on self-imposed bed rest today. We have had a rough 24 hours, huh? We went for a walk and when we got home, my stitch was hurting like crazy. I had pains for about 2 minutes then they stopped. But, it was enough to flip me out and make me restless all night worried about you. Before we went to Aunt Sheila's, you were moving like crazy. I think you liked the chocolate milk I drank :) Then, you didn't move until I laid down. You were pretty active this morning too but your mom's mental state wasn't so hot. I took the day off work and we are spending it together in bed. I am so glad we are going to the doctor tomorrow. I think he is going to tell me I am crazy but I just know in my gut that it was my stitch hurting. It will be a nice stress reliever to see you tomorrow and make sure you are healthy and swimming in lots of juice.

We are still doing your baby beat system twice a day. But, I think you like a little variety. I played some tunes for you - I read on the internet to do softer tunes with a woman's voice. You really liked that - or, once again, you were squirming to get away from them. I went to iTunes and I bought you 2 new albums to listen to. I got you Baby Einstein lullabies - you like it so far! I also got you Jimmy Buffett Lullabies. We will get you a little caribbean flair in your womb :) You can continue to listen to these when you are born! I was shocked to see that they have turned lots of your mom and dad's favorite music into lullabies. I am sure your dad is going to make me get the Beatles. I want the Eagles. I will have to put my foot down on Metallica and AC/DC. I have to listen to it at the same time you do!! We will get you rockin!

Well, we will see you tomorrow and continue to pray that all is perfectly normal and healthy with you!

Your room

As you can imagine, kiddo, your parents have a hard time making up their minds and agreeing on anything. Like we don't know your name, we have been discussing what your room will look like. Last year, I found a really cut pastel jungle mural that I liked. When I looked at again this year, I don't love it as much. I think it is because we have changed the direction of where furniture will be positioned. We talked about doing Elmo because your dad has a ton of Elmos. Then, he was feeling nostalgic and said Mickey Mouse. I really don't have a strong opinion on it - I would rather choose your name than your wall decor :)

I went out looking at murals last night and I think we have found what we want. We are going to do the walls a light brown - pretty neutral. Then, on the closet doors (they are double doors), we are going to put this mural:



I would like to get a little mesh stuffed animal holder so we can string it in a corner and fill it with cute stuffed animals like in the mural. Can you imagine a little monkey hanging from that net? SWOON! Then, on the long wall where your crib will be, I want to do several canvases. I would make them like a scrapbook page and have them printed on a canvas. Each canvas would have a letter of your yet-determined name and one of the jungle animals. Here are what the individual canvases would look like. SWOON again!





In my head, this is the cutest room ever. I don't know that anything I plan ever turns out as cute as I think it will but I think we have some real potential here. I am guessing that your dad will have the flooring and the painting done by the end of October. Then, in November, we can start spiffing it up.

As far as furniture, we have a crib and changing table. Your dad has his kid furniture that he constantly reminds me is "good, expensive furniture." We made a decision yesterday to refinish it. It is currently a dark wood but your crib and changing table are light wood. So, we are going to sand them down, replace the handles and use those. Of course, we are planning a special spot for Great Gramma Lang's rocker too :)

Well, that is about it for today kiddo. We are going to go over your Aunt Sheila's soon for some grub and family time. We have done your baby beat 5 times. You move a lot when it is on. I can't tell if you are moving to the groove or if you are squirming to try to get away from it but I can tell you that I am counting the minutes until we see you on Tuesday :)

Starting your edjumacation...

Hi Kiddo,
Not a ton going on lately to share with you. You give me a little nudge at least once a day now. I cannot wait for them to be a few in a row so your dad can feel them. It is the coolest thing ever. I think if he could put his hand on my tummy and feel you moving, it would take this pregnancy to a whole new level for him.

Your mom is getting FAT. The scale says I have only gained 8.5 lbs but I just feel so fat in my mid section. It seems like my upper tummy is getting big but you are in the lower tummy. It is kind of weird. I don't mind gaining weight with you as long as it looks like a pregnant belly. I just don't want to look plain fat. Pregnant is cute, fat is not :) I asked your dad if I looked pregnant but then I followed it up with "Tread lightly." haha.

I won an award at work this week and I get to choose from like 20 prizes. They have a car seat and a stroller. We will choose one of those. Already sacrificing my life for you....

We have been trying out different names but now, we are just plain silly. We tried Sebastian, Elijah, Joey, Nate, Horatio, Ezekial and now Alejandro. Surprisingly, my favorite has been Elijah. Not so high on your dad's list. I told him he could call you E or Eli but I don't think that helped my cause any.

So, the big news. Last weekend, your dad and I went bumming around. I went into a maternity shop and took a flyer for a system called Baby Plus. It is a prenatal education system. Your dad just rolled his eyes at me. I ordered it from Amazon the same day. It is a little electronic thing that I strap on my tummy for 2 hours a day - 2-1 hour sessions. It plays little beats to you. Your dad said it sounds like bongos. Supposedly, you are going to come out of the womb smarter and with the ability to self-soothe. Self-soothing translates to less crying and more sleeping to me :) Yeah, I know, I am probably a sucker. But, the noises are kind of relaxing to me so far and the literature said that soon you will start moving to them. That would be cool. I did it this afternoon and this evening, you were much more active. Who knows if it works or not but why not try to make you a genius before you come out :) Here is the scoop from the literature:
BabyPlus parents report babies at birth and infancy:
More readily nurse, Display an increased ability to self soothe, Are more interactive and responsive, Are more relaxed and alert at birth.
And, later in life, they show:
Earlier developmental milestones, Improved school readiness, Greater creativity and independence, Longer attention spans.

Also, I am going to pick up my book at the library tomorrow that is going to tell me how to raise you the first 3 months - The Happiest Baby on the Block. Apparently, I am going to wrap you up as tight as I can in a blanket for 3 months so that you will sleep. haha. I am not sure that is all there is to a book but your dad and I agreed to use Saran Wrap if it will make you sleep. :) Do you get the impression that we desperately want you to arrive healthy and full term but our conditions are that you sleep A LOT?

That is about it. Hope you are enjoying your edjumacation as I am typing this! *Edited afterwards to add that I think you love the BabyPlus. You were going crazy moving when it was running. I suppose it could be that you loved it or hated it but, sorry kiddo, you are stuck with it :)

18 weeks

Hi kiddo!
You have officially hit the 18 week mark. It's been pretty exciting the last few days as you are moving around like crazy. It is so fun! Sometimes, you will hit me in a place that I don't think you would be at and then I check you out on the doppler and you are right in those spots. I hope that the wonder of it and amazement of those feelings don't go away! You are more real to me than ever and each little kick just bonds me to your more.
A funny thing happened today. I was day dreaming and thinking about you being born. I was thinking how cool it would be if you were born healthy before Christmas and how I would take you to get your picture taken at the Portrait Innovations studio. I was vividly imagining getting you out of the car and taking you in the studio. I told the photographer "this is her first photo." Then, I pictured you in a beautiful Christmasy-dress. Um, it took me awhile to realize that you are a BOY. No pretty Christmas dresses for you. See, I guess your mom still hasn't totally given into the belief that you are a boy. I have beeen calling you a 'He' or 'Him' or 'Sebastian' or 'Elijah' but I guess it hasn't totally sunk in yet! We will see next visit to Dr. Bonehead then maybe all suspicions will be put to rest.

Your cousin Brandi

Hi kiddo! I missed your cousin Brandi's birthday too so I have to catch up! Brandi and I have the honor of being the only two girls in the family & we came first. I don't know if that truly translates into being the most spoiled but I think that it might be possible! I am 5 years older than Brandi and at different parts of our lives, that meant different things. When she was really young, it didn't matter that much - she felt like a baby sister. When we were both older in grade school & high school, that was a large divide - both of our lives were at different places. But, as adults, that difference seems like nothing. Heck, that is less of a difference than me and your dad!

I constantly try to figure out Brandi. Sometimes, I feel like I know her inside and out. Other times, I feel like I am looking at a person I have never met before. But, I think that what I see depends on what she wants to show me. She and I are similar in the sense that we hold a lot of things close to the vest. She helped me figure out a big stumbling block in therapy. My therapist said she was trying to tell me the answer but I never heard it. But, as soon as Brandi said "You have control issues," it was completely real to me. That one sentence and realization was worth lots of therapy sessions that cost me cash - but Brandi was free :)

I think you will find that your cousin Brandi will be unlike any other person you meet. She is a smarty pants - a lawyer (but don't expect her to bail you out if you get busted in Sarpy County!) She loves kiddos - she will spoil you rotten but will be relieved to give you back to me. She loves animals. But, pretty much she hates people. haha. The great thing about this is that she is so up front about it. There is no hiding her distaste for people and, in some ways, that is pretty refreshing. You do always know where you stand with her.

There are a lot of people I imagine you with and imagine their reaction to you. Her interaction with you is one that I can't wait to see. If you were a girl (which, I am actively starting to refer to you as a "he" - the ultrasound tech brainwashed me), I could picture it easier. She would be taking you to buy shoes, purses, make up, lotions and all the girly stuff you can imagine. But, if you are a boy, that is where I think it will be fun to watch. I don't know what to expect there but I know she will still love you up.

Your cousin Brandi is the closest thing that your mom has to a sister and I hope will be like an Aunt to you. And, just like sisters, sometimes we disagree. Heck, sometimes, we argue. But, as we get older, those disagreements or arguments seem to fade quicker. That is true family :)

Oh, one more thing that is imperative that you learn and learn quick. Your dad and Brandi are troublemakers when they are together. Their sense of humor and wickedness are very similar. When they pair up and are both being ornery, just watch out. My advice to you? When you see them sitting together and giggling, hang out with your dear old mom or another cousin for awhile :)

Random thoughts from my birthday

Hi Kiddo!
I had a good birthday yesterday but, imagine this, we spent a lot of time talking about you.

We took your cousin Andrew to the beach with us and he was telling me how much he cleans his house. I said I need to get me one of those kids to clean. He said I would have to pay him. I said, No, I will have to have my own kid to clean my house. Later, he said "Aunt Stacy, I hope this pregnancy is successful." I just thought that was the nicest thing. Then, he finished it off with "But, you can't make that baby clean until he is older." haha.

I have been trying out more names. Nate and Joey are out. So far, the only contenders are still Sebastian and Alexander. I am going to use Elijah today. I told your dad that we probably won't choose an official name until we *see* you. I posted a poll on your blog about our choices. Here are what your family and friends voted for you:
Sebastian - 2, Joey - 1, Nate - 0, Alexander - 9, Noah - 3
Jillian - 4, Maggie - 7, Allie - 1, Jessie - 2

Your dad told me last night that he wants your first word to be Fox - as in Fox News. OY. He said he is already brainwashing you to think like him because when I am sleeping, he is playing Fox news to my tummy so you are getting an early ear full. Yeah, we are so canceling cable soon.

I got 4 new voicemails yesterday to add to my arsenal I was telling you about - Great Gramma Lang (that was a score since she doesn't leave voicemails!), Uncle Jeff, Debi D and Gramma Debbie. Lots of texts and facebook posts too!

Finally, I had an interesting conversation with your dad last night. I asked him if he thought I would end up being the bad ass parent that I think I will in my head. He said "No." I said "Seriously?" He said "I can see myself being the disciplinarian before you and saying 'I brought you into this world and I can take you out.'" Hmmm...I think we will create a new poll and see what your friends and family think....

Happy Birthday to me!

Hi kiddo! My birthday started out a little rough last night - thankfully, not anything to do with you! Your dad took me out to dinner and it was yummy. Then, I came home and was working on a project on my ebooks. I was up until about 12:30 doing that while your dad was snoring downstairs. When I was done, I realized it was my birthday! Then, I remembered that I could officially treat myself to the one thing I leave special until my birthday every year!

I have two voicemails recorded that mean a lot to me. One is from your Great Grampa Faiman and he was singing me Happy Birthday. This was probably in 2001. Then, right before Grampa Larry died, your Gramma Debbie had him call my voicemail. You could tell he wasn't his normal self but he was still indisputably Larry. He picked on me for not answering the phone, wished me a Happy a Birthday and told me he loved me. I think that was the only time he ever, ever said that to me. I don't let myself listen to these throughout the year so that I have a little special present to myself on my birthday. Last night, I went to go listen to them and I couldn't find them in my music library. I started to panic. I found Grampa Faiman's relatively quickly. I had tucked away a copy in my photos folder. It took me two more hours of searching before I found Larry's. That two hours went by as slowly as your pregnancy is! I was near tears almost the entire time.

When I finally found it, there was a huge rush of so many emotions, I can't explain it. First, there was relief and happiness that I found it. Then, when I listened to it, there was joy in hearing Larry's voice again. Finally, there was an overwhelming sadness and grief over his death that I hadn't felt in a long time. I can still remember Great Grampa Lang (Hi Babe!) voice but with time that passes. I am going to have to go through my video footage to see what I can record from Grampa Lang.

But, of course, as usual, your mom found something to lecture you about out of the situation :) I think that I take people for granted in my life - meaning that I just always assume that they will all outlive me. I never think of what would happen if they pass away. Photos are great and memories in your head are great but they don't bring back that rush of emotion like sound or video or even handwriting. I hope that you will take the time to make videos or recordings of your loved ones and keep some of their handwritten mementoes. It is getting harder these days with everything being so electronic. Of all the gifts I could ever get for my birthday, having those two recordings - about 16 seconds each - means more to me than any purse or cosmetic!

Wanna know what else I do to trick the system? I don't answer my phone on my birthday. I know it sounds rude. But, most people feel obligated to leave a voicemail since it is my birthday and all. Then, I save those voicemails to my music library so I have them forever!

Well, we are heading to Linoma Beach. I have never been there and am looking forward to soaking up some sun and floating on a lake for a few hours. You have 13.5 hours to get that big ginormous kick in :)

Mom at dad at dinner

From your dad....

Kiddo, I apologize for not writing something before now, but I wanted to share a little about your Mom on her Birthday. Today is a day that I will help you in the beginning to remember, but you will need to have it ingrained into your brain at an early age. Your Mommy does not ask for or want much, but would absolutely melt if we worked together to make her a card, or even take a good picture to put into the card.

When I imagine what type of person you will become, I look to your mother and there are so many traits of hers that I pray you get, but I will take too much of the blog so I will tell you about my favorites. Your Mom, in many ways, is the complete opposite of me. I am shy and your Mom is the center of attention. She is very out going with family, friends and even complete strangers. I, on the other hand, speak to no one. This is not how I want you to grow up. It is important to have good social skills so you can succeed in life.

I also hope that you are as creative as her. She has a wonderful talent of taking a simple picture and turning it into a work of art. She has been scrapbooking for several years and her talent absolutely blows me away. I know that I do not show it, but I am very proud of all of our photo albums. She is very talented at scrapbooking, so be prepared to take a lot of photos. She has a passion about photos, and she is very good at taking them. Please do not develop the dreadful smile that I have - where it looks like I am being physically tortured. By the way, your Mom has a beautiful smile that just absolutely warms my heart. I do not think she will let me live it down if you smile like me.

I ask that you take up her passion of reading. I joke with her all the time that I do not know how to read, but actually just do not seem to have the patience. Reading is a fundamental skill for you to develop into a responsible person. I know that she will work with you and I am sure she will have you reading at a college level come kindergarten.

I wanted to tell you about a couple of her traits, but I can not list them all. I want you to learn and appreciate them as much as I do. I will tell you this - she will have an unconditional love for you. I have already seen the amount of love that she has for you with each passing week. You might have to learn some of her tells, but you need to know under that shell that she will love you more than anything in this world.

No Finn...

Hi Kiddo!
I tried calling you Finn all day yesterday and that didn't stick. We are going to call you a new name everyday until we find one that "sticks." Next up (to appease your dad) is Sebastian.

Exciting news today - I definitely got a little ping of a kick from you. It was truly the first time that it was so isolated that I knew it was you. It felt like a little thump inside my tummy. This thump was a pleasant tiny little thump and not an Uncle-Jeff-you-are-misbehaving-so-here-is-a-big-old-thump-upside-the-head-that-leaves-a-bump thump :) It amazes me to think that you are in there just floating around and flipping around and I can't feel anything. Yesterday, you were pretty low and today, you were pretty high. I can't believe that I don't feel you moving. I know approximately what size you are based on your brothers so it seems like I should feel a bit more. But, we must acknowledge that your mom has some extra padding in there too. Anyway - totally exciting for me to feel that. I asked your dad if he is excited to "see" you move around - rumor has it that when you are bigger, we will be able to see your hand and foot moving in my tummy. We decided that he is probably more likely to puke at the sight rather than squeal in delight. By your little thump today, I think you are gearing up for my birthday present.

Speaking of birthday presents, you aren't going to believe this one. I got an email from your dad and he wrote a blog post for my birthday. Yep, you heard that right kiddo, you are finally going to get to hear from your dad - in his own words and not your mom making them up for him. Watch out!!

17 weeks

Hi Kiddo!
Despite my intentions of being brief, I feel a long tangent coming on :) You are 17 weeks today. WOOHOO! I was watching TV last night while your dad was waking the dead with his snoring next to me and I know I felt you several times. You seem to like that quiet, just before bed time. It was so exciting and my heart just opened up with joy. You almost brought me to tears! I hope to feel those little flutters everyday!

As I was getting ready to go to sleep, I was working through an issue in my mind. In your brother's book, I had written an epic post about "Forgiveness is not forgetting. Forgiveness is understanding." I tried going through that mantra in my head over and over while I tried to noodle my way through an issue. However, what continually kept popping up is a key concept of accountability. I realized that accountability is one of the top 5 traits I would like to raise you with so I figured I would go off on a rant to you about it. I haven't talked to your dad specifically about it today but I know that it is one of his favorite traits too.

Here is the deal - your dad and I are going to screw you up. I think all parents do to some degree or another. Hopefully, it is in a minor way and not a major way. You can go to therapy and they can tell you that all of your life ails are our fault and that is ok. Your Grampa Keith once told me that I can blame everything on him - he "has big shoulders." I hope that we are big enough people to feel the same way. But, there is going to come a point in your life where you have to quit blaming others and start taking accountability for your actions. How you react to others and the decisions you make are yours and yours alone. If you screw up, I would rather you fess up and learn from it. Everyone screws up! The key is to learn and grow. If you continually screw up and blame others, that is where I think our patience will grow thin.

To be really blunt, I don't think I had the best childhood. Your Gramma Debbie and Grampa Keith were really young when they had me and they were still growing up themselves. Both of them would probably tell you that there were things that they could have done differently - but, what parent wouldn't? However, there had to come a point in my life where I had to stop saying that everything in my life was their fault. I am accountable for my own actions! That isn't to discount the fact that some of my core personality traits come directly from my childhood. However, I can't be 33 (for 3 more days) and continue to blame them for all the ails in my life because I had a horrible boy hair cut when I was 7.

To continue being blunt, there are few things that annoy me more than people who don't take responsibility and accountability for their actions. We are all responsible for what we do and how we act and I hope that this is something that we can instill in you. Otherwise, you are going to be in for a long life time of your dad & I picking on you. I don't anticipate you getting much sympathy from us if you don't stand up and be accountable to yourself. Blaming others can only take you so far.

Anyway, I have lots more private thoughts on the matter but, for now, they are private. I know, sounds odd that your mom keeps anything private since I appear to brain dump on you daily. I just know that this topic is one of those topics where I have high expectations out of all of us - your dad & I to raise you right and you to act appropriately. So, you have 25 weeks or so to ponder that while you are cooking and probably a couple of years to think about it when you pop out. But, be prepared because this probably won't be something that we let slide :)

Sunday Random thoughts

Hi little one!
Well, we are one day further with you than any of our other pregnancies - we have never had a pregnancy with our water staying in tact this long. Each day with you is new territory. We had kind of a bad weekend, kiddo! Friday night, your Aunt-by-friendship Debbie took me to dinner for my birthday and I started having several cramps. Turned out they were just some tummy cramps so I relaxed. Yesterday, I was up at 7 with terrible cramps. I don't know if they were tummy cramps or cramps to your area of the tummy both either way, your dad and I flipped out. We ended up staying home and just relaxing all day to be sure. It was a pretty long day. You have been fine since then and we relaxed a little.

I ran a new name by your dad today. I don't think he was overly excited about it. He had some stupid movie on last night and the main character was Finn. I really liked that. I guess you would have to be Finnegan. Do you get the feeling that you won't have an official name until your birth certificate is printed? That is probably pretty close to being true! Luckily, the poll on your blog has Alexander as the front runner - if it would be Sebastian, I would be hosed :)

I worked on your blog book today and got 4 pages done today. I think I have created a sticky situation I can't get myself out of. Since I started telling you about your family, I think people are expecting to see their stories. I have had two questions in 3 days about when their posts are going to be. Guess I am going to have to do shorter introductions and get everyone in. Don't want any hurt feelings because we need all the babysitters we can get when you arrive!

Today is your Uncle Zach's birthday! He is 17. Can you believe your ancient mom has a 17 year old brother? I can't decide if that makes me feel older or younger! I will have to write about him later so you can get to know him better. Zach is the last of our grandkids. Now, everyone is awaiting the arrival of the great grandbabies. Poor Great Gramma Lang said (only half kidding, I think) that she was going to die without any Great Grandbabies. No pressure - but there is a lot riding on you kiddo :) If I had to put money on it, I would say your cousin Cory is her next shot at some Great Grandbabies. Totally possible that one of your other cousins could beat him but my money is on him.

Not much going on this week for you. I am sure we will stalk you with our heart monitor. Today, you were really active and were kicking it! I think you were telling us to leave you alone and give you some privacy. Thursday (if you have already forgotten) is your old mom's birthday. Your dad and I are off work on Thursday & Friday. We are hoping to go to Linoma Beach but that is the extent of our plans. It will be just so nice to be off work!

Politics

Hi Kiddo!
People say that there are 3 things that you should never discuss in polite conversation - religion, abortion and politics. Well, I already hit you with religion and abortion so I guess it is time to hit you with politics. In our household, politics are a big-daddy, hot-button issue. Your dad is pretty darn mellow, laid back and relatively modest. However, when it comes to politics, his heads grows about 3 sizes and he thinks he knows everything. Then, he gets all worked up about it and I end up having to tell him to shut up. See what you have to look forward to? He is also already planning to use his brainwashing tactics on you - he confirmed it the other night. I will tell you all about his evil plans but let me give you some background on your parents' political views first.

Your mom is a registered democrat. I registered to vote when I was 18 and I vote in the presidential elections. I don't know why I chose to be a democrat. Your dad thinks that it is because your Lang family is comprised of mostly all democrats (and probably thinks they brainwashed me!) but I don't know that I really ever knew that until recently. We never really talked politics and I don't think your Grampa Keith and Gramma Debbie were big voters. Personally, I am thinking that at 18, I figured Republicans were all old, rich, white guys who only cared about making themselves richer. I was a liberal, forward thinking chic (haha) who believed in the causes for the people and I thought that the democrats were for the people. I never paid much attention to politics and would normally vote for names I recognized or if there weren't any names I recognized, I would vote for any woman on the ballot (go girl power!). Your dad would roll his eyes and shake his head at me then say "Thank goodness that my vote cancels out your liberal pinhead vote." In 2008, I did start paying attention. It was an historic presidential election. For the democrats, there was an African-American and a woman as their two nominated candidates. Either way - history would be made. Barack Obama ended up winning their nomination and eventually ended up being the President. I followed the debates and the commentary and I got a little scared. Normally, I would have voted for Barack simply because he was an African-American - I thought it would be so revolutionary for our country to take that giant step forward. However, I just couldn't do it. While I agreed with him on a few issues (he is pro-choice, he supported legalizing gay unions), overall, he scared me. His relationships were shady, he came out of nowhere with no experience and really, I hated that the country was treating him like a media sensation/rock star versus really understanding his plans of where he wanted to take the country. The night of the election, my stomach was in a complete knot as he won. For the first time, I was scared of where politics were going to take this country. When you are in school, the history books will already be written and we will know then whether or not he was a good president. For the sake of the US, I hope he ends up being an amazing president but so far, it isn't looking too good. This election was the first one that I actually agreed with your dad on. I am sure it is like lightning and it won't happen a second time!

So, then there is your Republican, Conservative, Right-wing, pinhead dad. He is really a proud republican and is very passionate about politics. He has always enjoyed political conversations with your Gramma Ruth. He would tell me that your Grampa Bob was a liberal pinhead like me but that Gramma Ruth was a Republican like your dad. You know, your dad really doesn't think he is better than anyone else and is truly just a good-ole-South-Omaha-boy. But, let me tell you a little secret. I think he really, truly does believe that Republicans are better than Democrats. I know, everyone has their flaws and I think that is a small one so I will keep him around for you. So, after all these years of hearing him rant and rave about how stupid democrats are and how he wishes he could rule the world, the most delicious thing EVER happened. We were talking to Gramma Ruth and politics came up. Off handedly, she stated that she was a registered democrat. The earth stopped spinning as I held my breath and watched your dad. The shock! The disappointment! The utter betrayal! Oh my kiddo, it was so DELICIOUS I could barely stand it. Even to this day, your dad says that his life was built on nothing but lies and he can't believe how his mom betrayed him. (Side note - did I tell you that your dad has a flair for drama?)

Now, how does all of this impact you? Besides growing up in a divided household, I fear for your safety over this issue. Here is the conversation that makes me fear for you:
Mom (Jokingly): What are you going to do if your baby ends up being a democrat?
Dad (Totally serious): It won't ever come to that.
M: Why, are you going to start brainwashing the baby from the ground up?
D: Yes, they will be required to watch Fox News* nightly and prepare a 1 page report each day of what they learned.
*Fox News is a right wing, Republican news channel who says that they present news as "Fair and Balanced" but they totally have a Republican agenda.

All joking aside, I don't care what your political beliefs are as long as they are your own and you can back them up with sound logic. I can't speak for your dad who will probably be standing over your crib with the radio set to Glenn Beck or Rush Limbaugh trying to initiate you early :) You can make your own choice on what you believe. You can vote however you want. Just know that I will probably always be trying to balance things out so your dad doesn't get complete mind control over you!! But, maybe, just for fun, you and I can cut a deal early. Even if you end up deciding to register as a Republican, can you just happen to tell your dad you decided to become a democrat? Please? It would be more delicious than Gramma Ruth's bombshell and the drama that would ensue would be so wonderful. I am sure that he would feel that he completely failed as a parent - even if you are a perfect child. He would feel that his entire world crumbled around him. Even as I am typing, I have a big grin on my face at the joy I would feel at the moment you turn 18 and say "I am going to register as a democrat." Even if it happens to be a little white lie, I think I am willing to bribe you to give me that moment :)

Dr Appt

Hi there Baby Brigham!
We got to see you today. WOOHOO. You are in there cooking and doing well. You have plenty of amniotic juice, you are right on track for growth - only measuring a few days larger than you should be. You were kind of coy on the ultrasound - wouldn't let her get too many good photos of you. I know I said that if they told me you were a boy, I would believe it. The ultrasound tech said you were a boy and your dad said he saw your family jewels but, honestly, I didn't see it. Your dad is going to point it out on the video to me - if I see it clearly there, I will start calling you by your given name. However, if I don't see it, you are destined to remain a kiddo, Baby Brigham or Little One until I see proof :)

The doctor said everything is going good and we look like a normal pregnancy. That is new to us. We will see him again on 8/25 and of course, see you! Your mom had some very personal questions to ask Dr. Bonehead and unfortunately, he gave me news I didn't want to hear. I expected the news but was bummed! Being a high risk pregnancy and having a cervical stitch means your mom has to be very careful when she does thing and unfortunately, some things are completely off limits for a long time. If you see my notes to you getting crabby, you will understand it someday down the road - sometime a long ways down the road when you are married - not a minute before. :) The doctor was very hesitant to say that the surgery was our cure-all answer to our losses. He would only say that he hopes it solves it. He didn't want to give us any false hope. He did tell your mom to get outside more and go for walks. Maybe he could see by my pasty white skin that I don't see too much sunshine!

Your mom and dad went to see a movie tonight - The Ugly Truth - and we laughed a lot. It was pretty funny. We laughed even harder in the car on the way home. You probably thought that there was a continuous earthquake going on in there. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. We saw a different movie a few weeks ago - The Hangover. There is a scene in there with a baby doing inappropriate things. It was hilarious. Your dad said that it looked like you were doing something similar in the ultrasound and he almost lost it in laughter at the doctors office. See, I am still praying you are a girl so your dad does not teach you these things as an infant. Talk about being mortified. Someday, when you are 18, you will have to ask your dad to watch that movie together. Then, you will see why your mom has to be the fun sucker in this 3-way relationship!!

Well, that is about it from outside the womb. I do have a big favor to ask of you. In 7 short days, it will be your mom's birthday. I am very big on celebrating my birthday. It is a day meant to worship me and shower me with gifts and a day to take off work. I realize that you are in a limited position to worship me and your financial means are nothing. So, I am telling you 7 days in advance what I would like from you for my birthday. Next Thursday, I would like to feel you doing some flips, kicking me, fluttering, something that is indisputably you in there. I can guarantee you that this will be the cheapest gift I will ever ask you for and I can absolutely, positively, without a doubt be the only time in your entire life where I will ask you to kick me for my birthday present!

Random early morning thoughts

Hi kiddo! We woke up a tad too early this morning, huh? It is 8:20 and I have already done my daily surfing of the net, completed what I needed to at work this morning and am here typing to you! I have a few random things for you today!

After talking to your dad on Sunday about all of my anxiety, it seemed to lift a weight off my shoulders and I am less stressed. I don't think he is but I think my stress level is probably more important since it directly impacts you. Between confessing to you and talking to him, I am in a better mental spot - well, at least for a day.

You can't see it but I gave your blog an overhaul yesterday. There is now color and graphics and it is fun. I also added 2 name polls for people to vote on their favorite name choices. I even added 2 names to the poll that I have previously vetoed your dad on. I am almost completely hosed on that one as they got votes last night. I will have to pad the voting at the end because if his two names win, he will think that we should name you those and this is not an option :)

I am running into an issue with your blog book. I can only have 100 pages in it. Right now, we are at 50 and you are not even half way done cooking in there!! So, I am going to have to be more brief or post less often. Also, I am going to have to let you wait to meet your family instead of me telling you all about them on their birthdays. I just don't have enough room in your book! I have 3 posts already typed up for you - one for Brandi, one for politics and another confession. After those 3, your mom is going to have to learn to zip her trap. This obviously isn't easy for her!!

I really do think I can feel you in there. In the same spot for 3 nights in a row, I have felt little bitty movements. I imagine them to be your tiny little feet. It could so totally be gas but I would prefer to think of it as you moving around and kicking me. 2 more days and we get to see you again!! I hope we get some nice photos and I can start calling you a he or a she officially. I know, the odds are that once we saw your family jewels, we know you are a boy. But, I am going to wait until we see you Thursday to officially call it. Your Aunt Val got us a cute little magnet frame to put on the fridge with your ultrasound photo in it. I can't wait to fill it up. See, you are already getting spoiled :)

Aunt Sheila

I am running a little behind in my birthday posts - just haven't had the mojo to write lately. First up, your Aunt Sheila's birthday was this past week. Your Aunt Sheila has been around since I was born. For most of my years, she lived in the same house across the street from Gilder. Aunt Sheila used to babysit me when I was little and her & Uncle Jeff basically encircled me into their brood. They would take me on trips with them, invite me to go to activities with them and basically treated me like I was one of theirs. Even now that I am older, they include me in their family dinners and we all enjoy going on trips together. Although, it was nicer when I was young and they paid for it :)

When I was little, I was running late to school. I walked to the corner where you had to cross the street. Since I was late, there were no cross guards. I stood there and cried. I don't know how long but in my memory, it felt like hours. Aunt Sheila was going for a walk or something and found me. She rescued me and took me to school. I think she probably rolled her eyes that I wouldn't cross the street but hey, I followed the rules. I don't think that is a story I will ever forget.

Aunt Sheila wants to meet you as bad as I do. She even offered to carry a baby for us if we couldn't. Even though she bragged that she loved being pregnant and was never sick (compared to your mom who whines about it hourly), it was the nicest gesture! How many people can truly say that they would have a baby for you? (In our case 4 but I think that is highly unusual) She will love you up and (we hope) babysit you frequently :)

Aunt Sheila has passed on a few cooking recipes that are in my arsenal - "noodles" were brought to our holidays from the Navens, sugar cookies made from cake mixes, and the ever-famous ice-cream dessert. Although I can make ice cream dessert, I swear it never turns out like hers. I don't know if it is her years of practice or she puts in lots of extra love, but hers is the best :)

Finally, the thought I would like to leave you with about your Aunt Sheila & your Uncle Jeff is that they are both the kind of people that I know I can call at any given time and they will drop everything to help me if there is an emergency. They are solid pillars in my life that I know I can lean on and that is really important to me. There isn't much that they need from me in return but, if they ever did, I would drop what I was doing because of how much they are there for me. I hope that you will feel the same way when you meet them!

Figured it out!

Hi kiddo!
Your mom has been kind of sad for a few days and I haven't been able to figure out why it was happening. I finally figured it out last night and will tell you another secret between you & me - I haven't even talked to your dad about it since my revelation.

So, I try to figure out what is wrong when I feel sad or get a pain in my shoulder. I paid a lot of money in therapy to learn that I need to work through it rather than bottling it up. The past few days, I have been sad and my shoulder has been hurting. Acupuncture didn't even help.

Last night, after I prayed for your health and your being born full term, the words of that song I shared with you yesterday hit me. Instantly, I was sad and my shoulder hurt. Then, almost like divine intervention, a word popped in my head and it crystallized my issue - FEAR.

After my surgery, my mental anxiety eased knowing that you were sewn in there nice and tight. However, as the days have passed, the fear of losing you has started creeping back up. Any twinge I get, I fear is my water ready to break. Any cramp I get, I fear is a contraction. I find myself constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have no basis for these fears in this pregnancy - you are healthy, you are stitched in, and you were a miracle conception. However, I think we are hovering around that time when all of your brothers were born. We have passed the milestone of Little M about a week ago. Now, we are heading into the time in the pregnancy where Xander and Jacob were born. Even after we pass those dates, I don't think I will relax until 26 weeks and that will be a long 10 weeks.

Normally, your mom is not an overly-anxious person and I probably wouldn't admit it to most people how much the threat of losing you scares me. But, I am kinda attached to you. I love hearing your heartbeat on your monitor. I love feeling a tiny twinge in my lower tummy and wondering if that is you. Often, I wonder if I just love the IDEA of you. What the heck do we know about being parents? After the cuteness and newness of you wears off, will I still be so enamored with you? Yesterday during acupuncture, I visualized you during the "relax" time. Yes, I envisioned the happiness we would have with you but I also moved beyond the cute clothes, cute baby and brand new baby feeling. I moved into visualizing REAL LIFE with you. I pictured you waking me up screaming during my precious sleep. I pictured you getting sick all over me - and me having to clean it up. I pictured diapers filled with stuff I probably can't even imagine. I pictured you screaming to scream and me not knowing how to stop it. Even after all of that, I was still enamored with you. The weirdest part of all of it was that the picture in my head was SO CLEAR. I could see your nursery (and it was nothing like I thought it was going to be but probably closer to where it will end up), I could see your crib and your changing table. Most importantly, I could see me rocking you in Great Gramma Lang's chair - rocking you to calm you and rocking you to feed you.

These thoughts helped me realize how much I want you here - good times and bad. But, they did nothing to calm my fears. If anything, feeling that "real", made the fears more pressing. I am going to keep reminding myself to think positive thoughts and I am sure I will feel better once we see the doctor again on Thursday. Feel free to start kicking me as hard as you can as a reminder that I need to keep thinking those positive thoughts!!

A song for you

Hi Kiddo!
Your mom was kind of melancholy today. I heard this song on the way to acupuncture and it really struck me. I like to think that maybe your dad is saying it to you. Since he is a man of so few words, I will put words in his mouth for him. :)

"With Arms Wide Open"

Well I just heard the news today
It seems my life is going to change
I closed my eyes, begin to pray
Then tears of joy stream down my face

With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open

Well I don't know if I'm ready
To be the man I have to be
I'll take a breath, I'll take her by my side
We stand in awe, we've created life

With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
I'll show you love
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open

If I had just one wish
Only one demand
I hope he's not like me
I hope he understands
That he can take this life
And hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world
With arms wide open...

With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open
Now everything has changed
I'll show you love
I'll show you everything
With arms wide open