Joey's New trick

At the end, he finally does it  :)

Catch up

I owe you guys a lot of catch up of what we have been up to.  Before I give you the photos, let me tell you a few things about yourselves.

Joey - you are still not walking.  Now, I am starting to feel a bit worried.  I hope that happens soon.

• You are starting to get a lot more animated.  You are a feisty one, dear boy.  You get so mad when Elijah takes your toys.  
• You are giving big wet kisses.  You blow kisses.  
• You are so cute when you say "All done" or "Night Night."  
• Your hair goes so crazy fast.  We got it cut again.  
• You really want to play with the big boys but it is hard to keep up when they are running.

Elijah - you are a strange combination of a loving little sweetheart and a brat.  One minute, you will be so sweetly polite and the next minute you will hit someone.  One minute, you will say "I love you" out of the blue and the next minute you will push Joey down.  I am guessing that is the joys of a two year old in the house!

• You start school tomorrow.  We have plenty of backpacks for you to use this year.
• You are kind of obsessed with beer.  You asked where Grampa was and I said "I don't know."  You said "He is having a beer."  I bought some tequila and you said "Why are you buying beer? I don't drink beer because I don't have a big tummy."  So funny but I really don't know where you are getting it from.
• You are constantly worried that bigfoot is going to come get us.
• One night, out of the blue, you woke up in the middle of the night and you started telling me about the "guys in the blue light that wanted you to come with them."  It was the weirdest thing EVER.  You were dead asleep talking about "them guys talking to me."  Then, you reached up and stroked my face twice.  Really flipped me out.
• You are kind of a wimpy thing.  You get hurt really easy.  You are scared of a lot.  Dad says we need to toughen you up.
• You are polite.  You do say please and thank you.  You do say excuse me when you burp or fart.  When I ask you if you want something, you say "No thank you."
• You have a mixed relationship with Joey.  He is your baby and you look out for him.  But, he also is your nemesis when he wants to play with your belongings.  Which, according to you, is every belonging in the house.

OK, so, what have we been up to in the last month or so?  Here are some photos in random order....

Silly Elijah loves to jump on the Love Sac!

Boating with Aunt Sheila, Uncle Jeff and Jacob in Missouri.

Feeding the fish, ducks and turtles in Missouri.

Can you tell July was super hot?

Our Alpine Slide photos from June.

Mommy's birthday cake - Elijah had to blow out the candles.  Joey loved to just eat the cake.

Thank you for taking a good photo for my birthday, boys.

New bike

Joey's first bowling experience and Elijah's first experience where he could actually bowl.

Bubble room at the Children's Museum in Denver in June.

Chiefs Preseason game.  We went to KC then the next day we went to Sealife Aquarium and Legoland.

We went to the Chiefs training camp where Elijah met Glenn Dorsey & carried his helmet.  Such an exciting day.

June scrapbook page.

Crayola cafe lunch in KC.

Dinosaur playroom in KC.

4th of July photos at the home run derby.

Rides at North Pole in June.

Ole's in June

Photo booth at the bowling alley with Morgan and Debbie.

Pikes Peak in June

Some photos from our swimming adventures this summer.

Our River City boat ride.

Denver road trip photos in June.

Santa photos in June.

Swim trials photos.

Defining yourself

Hi boys!
I have two deep topics to share with you.  I will probably have to separate them because they are really different in subject matter.

Ever since you have been created, you have heard about our past.  You have heard about our losses.  You have heard about how those losses made you all the sweeter.  I don't know about you guys but I am kind of tired of talking about it.

For a long time, our losses defined me.  I considered myself a person that lost all my babies.  Other people may have said "Oh, that poor thing.  She can't carry a baby."  I let those experiences define my identity.  Even now, I will still find myself occasionally thinking that I deserve you guys more than other people because of what we went through.

Now, don't get me wrong, those experiences shaped me as a person.  They made me grow as a person. They made me the mom I am today.  But, I am kind of sick of being defined by them.

We went to a movie last week.  The first few minutes of the moving were all about a couple who went through fertility treatments and then they gave up.  I felt their pain.  For a minute, I was kind of crippled by it - I was seeing myself up on that screen.  I felt their emotions.

But, that went away quickly.  I realized that I am not defined by that anymore.  I am now just a mom of 2 monsters.  I am not that girl who couldn't have babies.  With each day, those memories and that pain fades away.  Each day distances me from that experience.

While all of those things are a positive - I am living more in moment and not dwelling on the past - there are a couple of negatives.  With that relief from the pain, there is a twinge of guilt.  It is like I am saying those babies didn't happen.  When I pray for you guys, I feel bad that I don't acknowledge those babies.  When I am a normal mom and at my wits end with your antics, I feel bad that I even feel that way because I wanted you guys so badly.

I am not sure where that all leaves me.  I am not sure why I felt the need to share with you.  But, maybe I wanted to because I wanted to close that chapter on your blog.  Maybe I needed to share so that you know I am done constantly referring those times.

One carry over from those experience that I hope never lose - those occasional moments when I glance at you guys and the feeling of awe wash over me that you guys are really here.