Well, little Joey, our exclusive time together is over and now we begin our life together as a family. You are here. As I type this, you have been in the world about 60 hours and I am in my hospital room & you are in the NICU. It is hard with you being in the NICU but we will get to that!
On Wednesday, I thought I felt some gushes of fluid and I had a lot of contractions. I thought for sure that Thursday would be the day because of the amniotic fluid. You moved SO much buddy. I think you only slept for about 2 hours and I assume that is because you knew that you were going to come out the next day. It was bittersweet - I was uncomfortable but I knew that each movement was getting closer to being the last one. Daddy and I packed our hospital bag and said our prayers that you were healthy.
At my appointment on Thursday, I gained almost 3 pounds again and that was kind of concerning with the pre-eclampsia. We did an ultrasound and you were weighing 10.5 lbs. Daddy and I were shocked as we were expecting 9. We just looked at each other and didn't even know what to say. He checked my cervix and the fluid I felt was NOT amniotic fluid and my cervix was still perfect. He told me to get dressed and daddy said it looked like I was going to cry because I was so disappointed. After I got dressed, he started looking at my sugars (they were actually good for once) and my proteins. I guess between my massive headache and my protein dip, it was enough to merit you being here so he said "Do you want to have a baby today?" Of course, I jumped on the chance to meet you!
We were wheeled over to the L&D section of the hospital and we were told that you would not be able to be born for 6-8 hours as I had drank a protein shake for breakfast. I couldn't go into the OR with food in my tummy. Daddy and I just looked at each other like "What the heck are we going to do for 6-8 hours?" As we got settled in, they came back at 10:50 and said "OK, we are cleared to go at 11:15." We both got super nervous. Here we were prepared for you to be another 6-8 hours and then got told we would be going in 25 minutes! We didn't end up going until noon and I have to admit, I was super nervous. It is one thing to think about having you & it was another thing to actually have you. I was also super nervous about the spinal block. But, that was a piece of cake! I just laid really still and got a shot and it was over.
While we were getting ready to go, I had my first of several emotional breakdowns. As I was all positioned for my spinal block, you were still moving all over and it made me very, very emotional. This was the last time in my life I was going to feel you move inside me or feel any baby move inside of me. I had to be strong and not cry because I couldn't shake my back with a shot going into my spine but it was a very difficult moment.
I felt a ton of tugging and pulling when you were being born. At one point, Dr. Bonebrake said he was going to do a push up on my chest and I think he really did. Then, I heard you crying and it was the best noise ever! You were crying so good that I thought for sure that there was no way you would have lung problems. I got to see you get all cleaned up and worked on. You had so much hair that I couldn't believe it. Your cheeks were so huge. You were so loud. And, I got to watch it all. Emotional breakdown #2 :) The big question of the morning was how big was Joey? Well, buddy, you were 11 lbs 3 oz. Everyone was shocked that you were so big. We were shocked and the medical staff was shocked.
Unfortunately, you swallowed quite a bit of fluid as you were being born so you did have to go to the NICU to get your lungs cleared out. Also, your sugars were VERY low so we had to get those stabilized. Daddy went with you to be by your side while I was getting all finished up. There came emotional breakdown #3. My baby was going to the NICU. I didn't think you would have to go to the NICU at all babe! Since Elijah didn't and since you were born on the same day, I figured you would be fine just like him. Dr. Bonebrake peeked over the curtain and asked what was wrong and I was a blubbering idiot about my boy going to the NICU. He told me that he would have been shocked if you hadn't gone and it was all going to be OK.
I hung out in recovery and was told that I was not going to be able to see you for 24 hours as I had to be on special medicine for my pre-eclampsia. I could not hold you. I could not kiss you. I could not feed you. I could not even see my baby for 24 hours. I didn't expect that and so we moved on to emotional breakdown #4. As I had all this time by myself, I could help but blame myself for everything that was going on. Of course, it is my body, my diabetes, my food intake and everything I did that made you so big. It was my discomfort and my pre-eclampsia that made you come early. All roads pointed to me causing your medical issues. I can't change that now but I will live with it for a long, long time. Feel free to quote this to your therapist :)
Daddy ended up splitting his time between my room and the NICU with you. As time went on, your lungs were getting cleared up and you went from needing oxygen to just needing air then breathing on your own. Grampa Keith, Heather, Gramma Debbie & Aunt Laura came up to visit you. Everyone was just in shock about how big you were and how much hair you had. Daddy would bring me updates and photos of you. He brought me videos of you making noises. He tried to keep me in the loop and tried spending as much time with each of us as possible. At the end of the night, he was able to hold you and I know that was so special to him.
My night nurse told me that if my health was good, she would find a way to get me down to the NICU to see you or get you up to see me for a few minutes. I pushed myself so hard to stand, walk and do everything I could to be healthy to see you. As time clicked on, I would get excited each time the door opened in anticipation of being able to see you. But, each time was a false alarm. At 6 am, the resident told me that they were planning on removing my medicine after rounds and I would be able to see you shortly after that. She said they would be in around 7 am to see me. As more time passed, I was getting more upset. My boy was in a bed all by himself. He wasn't able to see his mommy. He wasn't being held by his parents. He wasn't in an environment he was used to and couldn't even hear familiar voices because we were separated. I think around 7:45, the final breakdown happened. I have to keep it real with you and it was the hysteric/ugly cry. All I could keep saying was that I wanted to see my son. As luck would have it, the team doing rounds walked in during the emotional upheaval and I think I got expedited to finally see you.
I got wheeled down to the NICU and was so excited to finally meet you. You were all wrapped up and had a ton of cords. You were in an incubator. But, I got to touch your hand and talk to you and eventually got to hold you for a few minutes. I was still weak so I couldn't hold you for long because you were so heavy. But, I got enough of a Joey fix to push through until my next visit.
Now, 60 hours later, I can come and go as I please to see you. I have held you, fed you, tried to get you to latch on, sang to you and smooched you so much. You are a cuddle bug. I can lay you on my chest and you will get so quiet. You lift up your head to see me and I tell you that your noggin is too big to be trying that already :) You are alert when you are awake - your eyes darting all over. You are so precious when you sleep. You remind me so much of Elijah that I can't believe it - your faces, your hand movements, everything. Daddy agrees but a lot of your visitors think we are crazy :)
As of now, you are not getting any oxygen - your lungs are fine. You are holding your own on your sugars. Our final hurdle to you coming home is getting you fed. We had a tube inserted so you would still try to latch on and it has made you a bit lazy. You are used to food just appearing in your tummy so you don't need to suck on a bottle. Plus, you are a big, diabetic baby and apparently, those breeds of babies don't like to eat. You have enough in reserves that it isn't a huge priority to you. We need you to consistently eat a 2 oz bottle of food and keep your sugars stable before we can even think about getting you home.
I think I will be discharged on Monday & you will be discharged on Wednesday. I look forward to us being home together. Parenting you is so hard because everything I learned with Elijah is out the window when you are covered in wires. I feel like a first time parent - you cry & I don't know what the heck to do to make it right. I have to look helplessly at the nurses to take care of you. It is also very difficult because the nurses know you better than I do. They will say "Oh, he hates it when ..." That is something your mommy should know because she knows every inch of you and not something a nurse is telling her. So, we are going to slowly get to know each other.
You have had lots of visitors and now everyone can hold you & love you up. I have been giving out your M&Ms but I have to admit that I am slacking on getting photos with your visitors. It is hard because we are split between rooms and I don't catch everyone.
Daddy gave you a bath today and you liked parts of it but were fussy during other parts. It was so awesome to see daddy holding you, feeding you & giving you your first bath. He was so gentle with you but he was loving you up. You have yet to meet your brother but you will see him through the window tomorrow. Because of your NICU status, we can't have him in the room since he is not potty trained. He could bring in too many germs. But, I am so excited for you two to meet!
Well, buddy, I owe you lots of pictures but I have only a few minutes before I need to be in the NICU with you again. I am not even going to check for typos. I am just going to try to sleep for about 40 minutes and then rush in to see you.
I love you so much and I can't wait to get to know you!
