Well buddy, I think mommy is going to be a little down in this post. Today has taken quite a toll on your mom and dad. When we were downstairs in the 3rd floor NICU, we talked to the dr and we were going along the lines of you coming home on Wednesday. As Monday came and went, we adjusted those expectations to be a cautiously optimistic Friday but a really hopeful by end of the weekend. We knew you would have to eat great for 48 hours before you could come home. Yesterday, you ate so well. You were even up to 60! The first 30 were going by really quickly before you pooped out. Well, today, you have just been so sleepy and tired that you have either skipped your feedings or just done 5-15. We made backwards progress.
This has really taken the wind out of our sails. I can just look at your daddy and know he is drained. I know I am emotionally drained and still dealing with some physical recovery issues. We just pray so hard that you are getting better and able to come home soon. But, I think we now realize that we can't have dates in our head. We have to just accept that you are going to be here as long as you are going to be here. I think that all 3 of us need a day to feel "normal" so I may go home for Friday night to spend with your daddy & your brother. We know you are well taken care of up here but I still feel guilty about leaving you all by yourself.
We are having a very difficult time wrapping our brains around the treatment plan that you are on. We try to keep telling ourselves that the doctors are the ones with years of experience and medical training but it isn't making us feel any better. You are woken up on a schedule - 12, 3, 6, 9. Your diaper is changed, your vitals are taken and your temperature is taken. If you wake up through that, you are given a bottle to try to eat. Whatever you don't eat, you are given in your tube. If you sleep through that, you are given 90 cc in your tube. No matter what, every 3 hours, you receive 90cc of food. Your daddy and I just can't understand why we wouldn't skip the tube feeding so you would be awake and want to eat. Right now, you don't have to even work for it because it just appears in your tummy. We know that if you don't eat enough, you can't keep your blood sugars regulated and we also know that they don't want you to lose much weight. However, that is kind of odd to us too - you were an overweight baby so it seems logical that dropping 1-2 lbs would be healthy for you. Who knows the answers but the doctor told your daddy that this is the widely accepted norm for the treatment plan and when they have deviated from it, the results have not been favorable. So, we have to trust that you are on the right course but in your own time. As you can tell by the tone and the tears you saw at your bed this afternoon, knowing that it is the right course doesn't make it the easiest course to follow.
I do have some photos for you though! Even though we are in the hospital and NICU, I have been good about getting your photo everyday since you were born :)
Yesterday - chunky monkey photo while I was trying to get a burp out of you.
Today - some cutie patootie shots of you in your NICU bed.
