Wednesday update

Hi Baby!
Well buddy, I think mommy is going to be a little down in this post.  Today has taken quite a toll on your mom and dad.  When we were downstairs in the 3rd floor NICU, we talked to the dr and we were going along the lines of you coming home on Wednesday.  As Monday came and went, we adjusted those expectations to be a cautiously optimistic Friday but a really hopeful by end of the weekend.  We knew you would have to eat great for 48 hours before you could come home.  Yesterday, you ate so well.  You were even up to 60!  The first 30 were going by really quickly before you pooped out.  Well, today, you have just been so sleepy and tired that you have either skipped your feedings or just done 5-15.  We made backwards progress.

This has really taken the wind out of our sails.  I can just look at your daddy and know he is drained.  I know I am emotionally drained and still dealing with some physical recovery issues.  We just pray so hard that you are getting better and able to come home soon.  But, I think we now realize that we can't have dates in our head.  We have to just accept that you are going to be here as long as you are going to be here.  I think that all 3 of us need a day to feel "normal" so I may go home for Friday night to spend with your daddy & your brother.  We know you are well taken care of up here but I still feel guilty about leaving you all by yourself.

We are having a very difficult time wrapping our brains around the treatment plan that you are on.  We try to keep telling ourselves that the doctors are the ones with years of experience and medical training but it isn't making us feel any better.  You are woken up on a schedule - 12, 3, 6, 9.  Your diaper is changed, your vitals are taken and your temperature is taken.  If you wake up through that, you are given a bottle to try to eat.  Whatever you don't eat, you are given in your tube.  If you sleep through that,  you are given 90 cc in your tube.  No matter what, every 3 hours, you receive 90cc of food.  Your daddy and I just can't understand why we wouldn't skip the tube feeding so you would be awake and want to eat.  Right now, you don't have to even work for it because it just appears in your tummy.  We know that if you don't eat enough, you can't keep your blood sugars regulated and we also know that they don't want you to lose much weight.  However, that is kind of odd to us too - you were an overweight baby so it seems logical that dropping 1-2 lbs would be healthy for you.  Who knows the answers but the doctor told your daddy that this is the widely accepted norm for the treatment plan and when they have deviated from it, the results have not been favorable.  So, we have to trust that you are on the right course but in your own time.  As you can tell by the tone and the tears you saw at your bed this afternoon, knowing that it is the right course doesn't make it the easiest course to follow.

I do have some photos for you though!  Even though we are in the hospital and NICU, I have been good about getting your photo everyday since you were born  :)

Yesterday - chunky monkey photo while I was trying to get a burp out of you.

Today - some cutie patootie shots of you in your NICU bed.

Tuesday update

Hi Mr. Joseph!
We have had some progress since I wrote you last.  You are now off all lab testing - all your blood numbers, sugar numbers, jaundice numbers, etc are all fine.  All you are here for is food.  We need you to eat 3 oz at each feeding for about 48 hours before you can go home.  You at about 1 oz with me at 6 am and 1.5 oz with the nurse at 9 am but then you slept through the 12 pm feeding all together.  Whatever you don't physically eat from a bottle goes into your tube.

You are getting so darn cute! Your yellow tinge is going away. Your swelling is going down.  You will still open your peeper and dart your eyes around at everything.  When people talk to you, you will turn your head to see them.  We think your eyes are going to be blue like Elijah's.  They are lightening up but there is no way to tell since you don't have them open that much.

You love being swaddled tight and you love being in the swing.  I told daddy he has to get your swings put together pronto  :)  You also like being cuddled up on our chest and taking your naps after you eat.  I just can't wait to have you at home with us.  I am hoping that you will be there by the end of the weekend.

Now, I can finally get you some photos posted.  I went to do it a few days ago and the internet was down.

One of your first birth photos.  You were still getting cleaned up in the operating room.  I can't wait to post this to next one of your brother because they are identical - just a little more stuffing in your cheeks  :)

Relatively-new-to-the-world photo.  We sent this one out to everyone letting them know you were here!

Day 2 of your life.  Look how long those nails were!

My first time getting to see my boy!

Day 3 - first bath and your first feeding with Daddy!  I love those pictures with daddy.  He just looks at you with so much love!

Gramma Debbie sent us this photo.  I love your little face.  I can't tell if you are crying or smiling at having your cheeks pinched  :)

Day 4 - Big day - you got to meet Elijah through the NICU window!  Our first photos as a family.  You also got to meet your cousin Andrew!

6/13 - This is you after you ate a bottle.  I was playing with you to make faces with your lips.  :)

You are here!

Well, little Joey, our exclusive time together is over and now we begin our life together as a family.  You are here.  As I type this, you have been in the world about 60 hours and I am in my hospital room & you are in the NICU.  It is hard with you being in the NICU but we will get to that!

On Wednesday, I thought I felt some gushes of fluid and I had a lot of contractions.  I thought for sure that Thursday would be the day because of the amniotic fluid.  You moved SO much buddy.  I think you only slept for about 2 hours and I assume that is because you knew that you were going to come out the next day.  It was bittersweet - I was uncomfortable but I knew that each movement was getting closer to being the last one.  Daddy and I packed our hospital bag and said our prayers that you were healthy.

At my appointment on Thursday, I gained almost 3 pounds again and that was kind of concerning with the pre-eclampsia.  We did an ultrasound and you were weighing 10.5 lbs.  Daddy and I were shocked as we were expecting 9.  We just looked at each other and didn't even know what to say.  He checked my cervix and the fluid I felt was NOT amniotic fluid and my cervix was still perfect.  He told me to get dressed and daddy said it looked like I was going to cry because I was so disappointed.  After I got dressed, he started looking at my sugars (they were actually good for once) and my proteins.  I guess between my massive headache and my protein dip, it was enough to merit you being here so he said "Do you want to have a baby today?"  Of course, I jumped on the chance to meet you!

We were wheeled over to the L&D section of the hospital and we were told that you would not be able to be born for 6-8 hours as I had drank a protein shake for breakfast.  I couldn't go into the OR with food in my tummy.  Daddy and I just looked at each other like "What the heck are we going to do for 6-8 hours?"  As we got settled in, they came back at 10:50 and said "OK, we are cleared to go at 11:15."  We both got super nervous.  Here we were prepared for you to be another 6-8 hours and then got told we would be going in 25 minutes!  We didn't end up going until noon and I have to admit, I was super nervous.  It is one thing to think about having you & it was another thing to actually have you.  I was also super nervous about the spinal block.  But, that was a piece of cake!  I just laid really still and got a shot and it was over.

While we were getting ready to go, I had my first of several emotional breakdowns.  As I was all positioned for my spinal block, you were still moving all over and it made me very, very emotional.  This was the last time in my life I was going to feel you move inside me or feel any baby move inside of me.  I had to be strong and not cry because I couldn't shake my back with a shot going into my spine but it was a very difficult moment.

I felt a ton of tugging and pulling when you were being born.  At one point, Dr. Bonebrake said he was going to do a push up on my chest and I think he really did.  Then, I heard you crying and it was the best noise ever!  You were crying so good that I thought for sure that there was no way you would have lung problems.  I got to see you get all cleaned up and worked on.  You had so much hair that I couldn't believe it.  Your cheeks were so huge.  You were so loud.  And, I got to watch it all.  Emotional breakdown #2  :)  The big question of the morning was how big was Joey?  Well, buddy, you were 11 lbs 3 oz.  Everyone was shocked that you were so big.  We were shocked and the medical staff was shocked.

Unfortunately, you swallowed quite a bit of fluid as you were being born so you did have to go to the NICU to get your lungs cleared out.  Also, your sugars were VERY low so we had to get those stabilized.  Daddy went with you to be by your side while I was getting all finished up.  There came emotional breakdown #3.  My baby was going to the NICU.  I didn't think you would have to go to the NICU at all babe!  Since Elijah didn't and since you were born on the same day, I figured you would be fine just like him.  Dr. Bonebrake peeked over the curtain and asked what was wrong and I was a blubbering idiot about my boy going to the NICU.  He told me that he would have been shocked if you hadn't gone and it was all going to be OK.

I hung out in recovery and was told that I was not going to be able to see you for 24 hours as I had to be on special medicine for my pre-eclampsia.  I could not hold you.  I could not kiss you.  I could not feed you.  I could not even see my baby for 24 hours.  I didn't expect that and so we moved on to emotional breakdown #4.  As I had all this time by myself, I could help but blame myself for everything that was going on.  Of course, it is my body, my diabetes, my food intake and everything I did that made you so big.  It was my discomfort and my pre-eclampsia that made you come early.  All roads pointed to me causing your medical issues.  I can't change that now but I will live with it for a long, long time.  Feel free to quote this to your therapist  :)

Daddy ended up splitting his time between my room and the NICU with you.  As time went on, your lungs were getting cleared up and you went from needing oxygen to just needing air then breathing on your own.  Grampa Keith, Heather, Gramma Debbie & Aunt Laura came up to visit you.  Everyone was just in shock about how big you were and how much hair you had.  Daddy would bring me updates and photos of you.  He brought me videos of you making noises.  He tried to keep me in the loop and tried spending as much time with each of us as possible.  At the end of the night, he was able to hold you and I know that was so special to him.

My night nurse told me that if my health was good, she would find a way to get me down to the NICU to see you or get you up to see me for a few minutes.  I pushed myself so hard to stand, walk and do everything I could to be healthy to see you.  As time clicked on, I would get excited each time the door opened in anticipation of being able to see you.  But, each time was a false alarm.  At 6 am, the resident told me that they were planning on removing my medicine after rounds and I would be able to see you shortly after that.  She said they would be in around 7 am to see me.  As more time passed, I was getting more upset.  My boy was in a bed all by himself.  He wasn't able to see his mommy.  He wasn't being held by his parents.  He wasn't in an environment he was used to and couldn't even hear familiar voices because we were separated.  I think around 7:45, the final breakdown happened.  I have to keep it real with you and it was the hysteric/ugly cry.  All I could keep saying was that I wanted to see my son.  As luck would have it, the team doing rounds walked in during the emotional upheaval and I think I got expedited to finally see you.

I got wheeled down to the NICU and was so excited to finally meet you.  You were all wrapped up and had a ton of cords.  You were in an incubator.  But, I got to touch your hand and talk to you and eventually got to hold you for a few minutes.  I was still weak so I couldn't hold you for long because you were so heavy.  But, I got enough of a Joey fix to push through until my next visit.

Now, 60 hours later, I can come and go as I please to see you.  I have held you, fed you, tried to get you to latch on, sang to you and smooched you so much.  You are a cuddle bug.  I can lay you on my chest and you will get so quiet.  You lift up your head to see me and I tell you that your noggin is too big to be trying that already  :)  You are alert when you are awake - your eyes darting all over.  You are so precious when you sleep.  You remind me so much of Elijah that I can't believe it - your faces, your hand movements, everything.  Daddy agrees but a lot of your visitors think we are crazy  :)

As of now, you are not getting any oxygen - your lungs are fine.  You are holding your own on your sugars.  Our final hurdle to you coming home is getting you fed.  We had a tube inserted so you would still try to latch on and it has made you a bit lazy.  You are used to food just appearing in your tummy so you don't need to suck on a bottle.  Plus, you are a big, diabetic baby and apparently, those breeds of babies don't like to eat.  You have enough in reserves that it isn't a huge priority to you.  We need you to consistently eat a 2 oz bottle of food and keep your sugars stable before we can even think about getting you home.

I think I will be discharged on Monday & you will be discharged on Wednesday.  I look forward to us being home together.  Parenting you is so hard because everything I learned with Elijah is out the window when you are covered in wires.  I feel like a first time parent - you cry & I don't know what the heck to do to make it right.  I have to look helplessly at the nurses to take care of you.  It is also very difficult because the nurses know you better than I do.  They will say "Oh, he hates it when ..."  That is something your mommy should know because she knows every inch of you and not something a nurse is telling her.  So, we are going to slowly get to know each other.

You have had lots of visitors and now everyone can hold you & love you up.  I have been giving out your M&Ms but I have to admit that I am slacking on getting photos with your visitors.  It is hard because we are split between rooms and I don't catch everyone.

Daddy gave you a bath today and you liked parts of it but were fussy during other parts.  It was so awesome to see daddy holding you, feeding you & giving you your first bath.  He was so gentle with you but he was loving you up.  You have yet to meet your brother but you will see him through the window tomorrow.  Because of your NICU status, we can't have him in the room since he is not potty trained.  He could bring in too many germs.  But, I am so excited for you two to meet!

Well, buddy, I owe you lots of pictures but I have only a few minutes before I need to be in the NICU with you again.  I am not even going to check for typos.  I am just going to try to sleep for about 40 minutes and then rush in to see you.

I love you so much and I can't wait to get to know you!

36 weeks

Hi buddy!
Well, in a few hours, we will have made it to 36 weeks.  WOOHOO.  Not only does each day get us closer to your lungs being developed, it gets us closer to you being here!  At our 35 week appointment, everything looked fine but I got lucky and was written out of work.  Now, I can officially be on bedrest during the day without feeling guilty about it.  Today is my 3rd workday that I am off and I can honestly say that we have stayed in bed each of those days.  Your brother was out of town this weekend and daddy was working on the house so we stayed in bed the long weekend too.

I really thought for sure that you were going to come this weekend.  I just felt weird all day Saturday.  My blood sugars have dropped - which is a miracle in itself.  And, I was in a lot of pain.  It seriously felt like my tummy was just going to burst open and there you would be.  I got that pain again last night and I had your daddy feel my tummy - he was shocked at how hard it was.  Each day, I get a lot of pain but unless you break your water, we are staying put at home.  We go back to the dr. tomorrow morning for our 36 week appointment.

Your daddy thinks these last few weeks are going to go quickly and for once, I agree with him.  The days go by so fast now.  We nap, we watch TV, we read.  Then, daddy is home, dinner and back to sleep!  I can't believe it is only 3 weeks until we get to meet you.  I would not be too sad if you came early but I just don't want you in the NICU.  I can't imagine only getting to see you for a minute before you are whisked away and not getting to hold you at all.  So, like I tell you everyday - you can come today if you want but only if you are fully developed and healthy.  Until then, we are stuck together  :)

34+ weeks

Hi Joey,
We persevered through another week, didn't we?  I have a feeling these last few are going to be the hardest.  We went to the doctor on Thursday and he is back to saying "NO EARLIER THAN 39 WEEKS."  That puts you back to June 23 despite me thinking it will be June 9th.  We did get measurements and you are 7.5 lbs.  I told him I didn't want a 12 lb baby cut out of me and he said not to worry - just 10 lbs.  I just keep telling myself each day you are inside, is a day less you are in the NICU!

I have to be honest baby - I am pretty miserable.  If I stand or sit too long, I start cramping/contracting really bad.  I have to lay down immediately and then it stops.  I am not as tired as I was last week so that is a good thing.  You are completely filling up my tummy from my chest to hips.  I have a hard time breathing sometimes because you must be just filling up ALL the space.  The worst thing is that I think I have some internal bruising from you on my right.  Even when you are not laying there, it is sensitive to the touch.  Despite all my whines, I am still tickled to feel you move gently.  I just can't wait to meet you!!

So, there isn't much I can do to help you out buddy.  You are stuck in there until Bonehead decides differently.  However, if you break your juice bag, you would come immediately.  So, if you want to come out, you will need to break your water and you would come that day!  I just don't want you to come prior to your lungs being able to function on their own.  I also don't want you to come before June.  We have some things to get done around the house and they won't be done until next weekend.  I also ordered your M&Ms and they say June  :)  Keep cooking until June 1 then you can go nuts and break your water!

That is about it buddy!  No photos this week.  We will talk to you again next week!!

33+ weeks!

Another week bites the dust buddy!  We rescheduled your appointment to be on Friday.  The appointment went fine.  We didn't get measurements so we have no idea how big you are but you filled up the entire screen.  We think they had you zoomed in or something because you looked huge.  Even outside the fact of the diabetes weight (cheeks/tummy), you are massive in your arms, legs and head.  Daddy was commenting that they are very muscular.  I agreed because I told him you were beating me up in there so I am sure you had developed quite the set of muscles  :)

I told the doctor that I was getting anxious over the sugars, ketones, contractions and pains.  He was not worried about it.  He said that the risk is that you will be hypoglycemic when you are born.  Elijah was 2 points under where they wanted him to be, he took a drink of formula and he was fine.  I hope that is the extent of the issues with you.  He said that you looked great.

This week hasn't been good to me.  I had 3 days in a row where I was in a ton of pain and started having contractions.  I had to lay down immediately because they stop then.  I have a huge pain in between my ribs.  Apparently, that is where you currently have your butt tucked in.  Your knees are in my ribs and your legs are under my ribs wrapped in my muscles.  Not a ton of fun for me.  I just try to shift you as much as possible. I also had to be put on antibiotics for an infection.  YAY ME!

Your daddy told me that these last few weeks were going to go by so quickly he can't believe it.  I gave him a dirty look.  The time is not going fast for me as you are getting bigger and I am getting bigger and we are all more uncomfortable.  He also complained about the pain of having a beer belly.  That did not earn him any points since it can't compare to a belly that is constantly being slammed by an alien  :)

Well buddy, not much else to share.  Bonehead says 39 weeks, I say 37.  We will see who wins.  We will see you every week until then.

Talk to you next week buddy.

32+ weeks

Hi Joey,
Well buddy, we made it through another week!  Each day is getting to be a struggle for your dear old mom but we are going to persevere and make it to 37 weeks.  I know we can do it.  You still move up a ton and keep your mommy awake.  You seem to be getting the hiccups a lot and last night, they lasted for like an hour!  I wasn't too happy when that hour was at 1:00 am....

We will see you again on Thursday when we visit Dr. Bonehead.  Hopefully, you haven't gained too much weight.  I think my weight will end up being about the same so hopefully, yours will be too.

I have to tell you, buddy, that I am so excited to meet you.  I am starting to plan our hospital bag and I am daydreaming more and more about your arrival.  I was even more excited when I learned that the hospital changed policies and now you won't be taken from me in the OR or recovery room.  We will get to be together from the beginning.  Nothing could have made me happier to learn that.  Now, we just have to focus on you being healthy when you pop out so they don't have a medical reason to separate us.

Your book is all caught up and I will share your scrapbook pages with you.  Can't wait to see you Thursday little guy!  Notice how every page has reference to a "boy" or boy colors?  If you come out as a girl, I will have a lot of redo work  :)