Just Breathe...Literally...Just Breathe....

Hi baby Elijah,
Oh man, did you cause a scene today. We went to our doctors appointment and we were disappointed to learn that there were no measurements. We thought for sure we would get to see how big you were and how much you weighed but Bonehead put his foot down and we will do it next week.

They did the ultrasound and the tech just stared at the screen.... It seemed like she stared at the screen for days. Then, she started shaking my tummy. I asked her if she was having a hard time finding you taking practice breaths and she said yes. You were sound asleep - you were up all night moving up a storm so it was your rest time. She kept shaking and shaking until my tummy was sore. Still, you were sleeping and not breathing. I asked if we should be worried. She said "Not Yet." Then, she continued shaking. Your dad was flipping out next to me. She said she was going to get the buzzer and I looked at your dad and asked if we were going to be electrocuted but she never came back! Bonehead came in and started staring at the screen too. Finally, you started taking some breaths and your dad started breathing again too. I think you were 1) Being stubborn 2) Just REALLY, REALLY tired. Hopefully, it shows what a good sleeper you will be if we can get you sleeping at NIGHT.

Nothing else new. No photos at all - just a whole lot of shaking. Still on track for my stitch to be out on the 28th but he will not induce me on that day. He won't induce me any earlier than 1/10. I don't think any amount of whining or begging on my part is going to change his mind. Darn it. I guess you will have to do it on your own before then if you want to. I even told him how you pound on my stitch and you want out but he said that it isn't that you want out, it is that I want you out :)

Not so bad after all....

Hi baby E,
Man, you are hopped up. You would think I was feeding you a mixture of caffeine and sugar. Oh wait, I do... :) Just kidding you. I normally have less than 1 diet soda a day and surprisingly, our sugars haven't been too bad. Normally, you are pretty quiet unless I am laying down. But, the last few days, you are moving when I am laying, sitting, standing and walking. I still vote it is because you are screaming "Get me out of here...." I doubt the doctor will agree with me tomorrow but that is my vote.

I have been reading a pregnancy board of people who are all due in January. They were all discussing how they were feeling and I started feeling guilty because I have it pretty darn good - even though I whine all of the time. So, let's discuss the good things about this pregnancy. Obviously, you are the number one good thing about this pregnancy but that is a given.

1) I have no major medical issues. No high blood pressure, no preeclampsia, no placenta previa, no low amniotic fluid, no bedrest, no hospitalization, etc. I would say that my diabetes is pregnancy induced (since I was in remission) but I was predisposed to that anyway. Besides my cerclage, I am pretty darn well off.
2) I don't have any other little rugrats to worry about. When I am tired, I can rest. I don't have to worry about the care of other little ones or neglecting them.
3) I work from home. Most pregnant-moms have to wake up, shower, get dressed, drive to work, work all day (some even standing all day) and then collapse when they get home. I don't really have to shower (until your dad goes "You stink) if I don't want to, I didn't have to buy work maternity clothes and I am definitely not on my feet.
4) I am not overly concerned financially. Yes, things are going to change but I don't have to decide between formula and electricity. I have to decide between vacations or shopping trips and stuff for you. Big difference.
5) Your dad is a big help and is understanding. Not once has he ever said "Buck up." Not once has he ever said "No, Elijah does not want me to get him a glass of water." Not once has he ever said "Get out of bed and do something woman." Finally, not once has he ever missed a single doctor's appointment. (Let's take one moment to note that if he ever did think about saying "Get out of bed and do something", he would be very, very sorry afterwards)
6) I read about people with sciatic nerve problems, back problems, leg problems, vision problems, etc. Yes, I am uncomfortable and yes, sometimes I do have aches and pains but overall, I think I am in normal pregnancy mode and nothing too terrible.
7) I know I tell you this over and over but I have good insurance. I hope that when you are older, you say "Why did she keep talking about insurance?" Well, it is a bad economy and people are losing their jobs in addition to losing their healthcare insurance. Also, it is very expensive if you are not employed by a major corporation. But, I have good insurance. I am able to go to a high-risk perinatologist who takes excellent care of you. He lets us come see him just because I am a freak and am worried about you. We see you on ultrasound EVERY visit. Some people see their babies twice during a pregnancy. Some people don't even get to see their babies in 3D. Can you imagine the horror of that? :) We are very blessed.
8) Even though weeks 1-16 pretty much sucked, some people had it worse. Some people are hospitalized for dehydration or inability to keep anything down. It was bad but it could have been much, much worse.
9) I have a big support system. I am not going to be a single mom - unless your dad has a fatal heart attack during delivery. I am geographically close to a ton of family and friends who are mostly all willing to help with you. We had a great shower that helped support you financially and get us all ready for your arrival. We are definitely not lacking for help - when you make me at my wits end, I have a long list of people that I can call and say "COME TAKE CARE OF THIS MONSTER." :)

As you can see, your mom (and dad) are doing pretty darn good in this pregnancy and are grateful for our blessings even though I take every opportunity to whine to you about how horrible it is. I would kind of like to raise you like that - it is ok to complain about things every once and awhile as long as you are truly grateful for everything that you have going for you.

35 weeks

Oh my gosh Baby Elijah - I have so much to tell you! It is all ready to come spilling out of me. :) I can't even decide in which order to tell you. I suppose I should start with your health - you are 35 weeks little man. 35 weeks is where I give up and quit telling you to stay in their cooking. 36 or 37 weeks would be better but if you want to come now, I wouldn't be mad at you. Actually, you might hear me whispering telling you to make your way down. You are more active than I thought you would be at this stage - I figured you would calm down a bit as you got bigger because you had less room but for about 3 nights, you have been going more crazy than ever. I kind of picture you in there kicking/punching your juice bag saying "LET ME OUT." When that doesn't work, I then feel the punches on my stitch. I think you are ready!

Your dad and I had dinner out on Friday night and there was a little infant in my line of vision. Oh my kiddo, I about popped you out at Outback. I wanted you so bad! I have dreamt about you a couple of times now and they are so real that I can hardly stand it when I wake up. We have you all packed up for the hospital now. We just need to pack our bags.

I never came back to show you your finished nursery. Your dad took some pictures yesterday. This will show you your mural and your word art. Seeing your name and the quote makes me a little emotional. You do have big shoes to fill Elijah Lang Brigham :)




I made a big decision yesterday - I had your dad take some nekked belly photos. I wasn't going to have any taken since I don't have a really cute belly. Yes, it does look like you are in there cooking but there is a lot of scarring. However, I figured if I didn't do it now, I wouldn't ever have the chance to do it again. So, I decided to take them and hide them on my hard drive if I wanted to. I airbrushed 2 of them to make my tummy look cute and they will go in the scrapbook :)

We had our first family pictures yesterday. Your dad and I can't remember any photos taken of us together since we found out about you. Your Uncle Zach went with us and we got some great Christmas photos for our Christmas cards and we are calling it our maternity photo shoot. Your Uncle kept yelling at us "Look happier. Look happier." I guess old married couples don't look happy. We are happy for you but your dad is not happy when he is taking photos and I am not happy when my whole body is screaming in discomfort.



Finally, your dad and I went to Build a Bear and made your monkey. In 2003, when we were pregnant with your brothers, we made them each a build a bear. They are currently hanging on your wall in a pouch. Yesterday, we bought them new outfits that match your room better and we made your monkey. We named him Bubba because your dad will come home and say "How was bubba today?" Yeah, he calls you bubba :) That is his "I am so tired of photos I am near divorce" face.


That is about it kiddo. Thank you for staying in there these past 35 weeks and your mom is officially off your back - no whining about ultrasound photos, no whining about stay in their cooking or you are grounded. Oh wait, I guess I am not officially off your back because now I will be all on your case to BE BORN :)

Another session...

Hi Elijah!
Let's play another session of "What can my mom whine about now?" Because, you know, I always have something. Man, kiddo, I am uncomfortable.

I have a really hard time breathing now. Your dad thinks your little toes and feet are pressing up against "stuff" so I can't breath.

I can't get my body in a position where I am comfortable. It may be comfortable for a minute then it turns to torture.

Your hands/head are pushing against everything beneath my belly button. Got a couple ovary and bladder shots tonight. My stitch is getting a lot of pressure.

I am getting tired really, really quick now. Need to rest frequently.

I am wondering if I would prefer the nausea & getting sick....

The thing that scares me is that we probably have another 3 lbs or so to go. Where is that going to be stored at? :)

On the bright side, you have been moving up a storm & your dad was feeling you tonight.

I have a new deal for you. You can pop out anytime you want now. However, I need you to break your juice bag so I know you are coming & can go to the hospital :) Just giving me cramps or contractions is not enough to get it thru my noggin you are coming. But, a big splash will definitely get my attention. I know, we have wanted you to keep as much juice in there as possible so your lungs were healthy. However, you are getting big enough (and your mom is getting uncomfortable enough & impatient enough) that we can let you pop out when you want to. Deal?

Dr Appt

Hi Baby Elijah!
We survived the blizzard and made it to the doctor. All is well with you. They didn't do measurements this time so we don't know if your big old knocker kept growing or if you put on any weight but everything else checked out. They watched you breathing, checked your heart, checked your fluid and gave you a clean bill of health for another week. We originally had an appointment for two weeks but because my anxiety level is kicking up a notch (or 10), he is going to see us on the 15th and the 22nd.

I asked what to expect over the next few weeks. This week, next week, and the 36th week = status quo. Then, on the 28th, he will remove my stitch and we will wait with baited breath as to what will happen next. I could stand up, my water could break and we could have you that day. Or, we could go home and you could stay in there cooking for another 3+ weeks. There is just no way to know. Obviously, you have learned your mom's quirks by now and know that I am hoping you come on 12/28.

We did get to see you for a little bit and she did turn on the 3d machine. But, of course, you had your hand right in front of your face so we didn't get any super good photos. We were even surprised to see you in 3d as it was hectic at the office and we were just there 2 weeks ago.

I had a fun conversation with your dad while we were waiting for the doctor. We were discussing how long you are because you are so low but yet you kick me so high. He was saying how he really hopes you get the Lang gene for being tall - our whole family (except your cousin Brandi - she got the mutated height gene) is really tall and your dad wants that for you. He said he didn't care about any other characteristic but he wanted you tall. I said "Don't you want him to have your hair?" He said "Oh yeah, I forgot about that. I really want him to have my hair." I think I disappointed your dad recently. He was so excited that you were showing so much hair on the ultrasound, he convinced himself there was no way that you had my hair genes. He thought my fine, thin hair would never show up on an ultrasound like that. Well, I showed him a baby picture of myself and I had a full head of hair - a ton of it. I dashed his dreams of your hair being guaranteed as his - you could still have my fine, thin hair but just have a lot of it to show up on the ultrasound. He was so bummed.

Anyway kiddo, not much else to share with you - besides seeing you, the only other big news is the blizzard that is hitting us. Thank goodness we have a freezer full of food but I think all 3 of us could afford to skip a meal or two if we didn't. Can't wait until Sunday when I will quit negotiating with you to stay in there cooking and officially give you my blessing to pop out at 35 weeks and then see you again on Tuesday.

Who will I talk to all day?

Hi Little E,
I realized something profound today. I talk to you all day long. When you pop out and you are in daycare, who will I ramble on to? I will just look like a crazy old lady talking to herself! I suppose that I could try talking to the cats if they are in the office. I just say silly things to you - like today, I lifted up a laptop and said (outloud) "Man, that sure is heavy Elijah." Or, I might say "We need to find us a forklift to get out of bed, huh, Elijah?" Just crazy old lady talk that I always did but it sounds more sane when I address it to you in my tummy. :)

I have a quote on my computer desktop that says: "A mother's journey begins when new life is stirring inside...when a tiny heartbeat is heard for the very first time, and a playful kick reminds her that she is never alone." I think I saw that quote today, talked some nonsense to you and realized I have considered us a team for awhile now. But, in a few short weeks, you will be your own one man team and I will just go back to being crazy :)

See you in a few hours bambino! Maybe all your grampas up there in heaven can help us by making sure the snow isn't too heavy and get us to the dr. safely.

34 weeks

Hi little man!
You are officially a week older now - a big, whooping 34 weeks! We are *so* close to meeting you. We will see you again Tuesday and make sure all is well but probably not a long ultrasound or any good photos. Just a quickie check up. Your mom is giving herself anxiety attacks thinking something is wrong so I will be happy to see you and get an all clear for another few days. I haven't been this anxious in a lot of weeks. Then, since I am anxious, your dad gets even more anxious. But, you are still moving around in there so I take that as a good sign.

Your percentages on our pregnancy program went up a bit this week - 98% chance of survival and only a 10% chance of complications. I think that if you came right now, you would have a bit of NICU time and we would have a harder time getting the breastfeeding to work but you would be OK long term. Let's negotiate 2 more weeks and then you can pop out. Deal? I think I may be the only one who thinks you are going to come this year. But, I think that may be wishful thinking on my part.

We went to childbirth class yesterday and it was kind of scary. Popping you out is going to be a bit more difficult than I imagined! I think your dad and I would have been better off if we would have skipped the class - not only would we have $75 in our pocket, I wouldn't be so terrified. I think I would have rather gone in with rosey-colored glasses :)

I do have one funny for you. Remember, a few months ago, we got a new car? Your dad really likes his car and doesn't miss the truck at all. We could have chosen from a Mazda 3 or a Mazda 6. The 6 is bigger and we didn't need that much room - even knowing you were coming. Well, he installed your car seat this week and was going to get it inspected to make sure you were nice and snug in there. It is smack dab in the middle of the back seat and when he rode with it, it apparently forces you to move the seat up so he was not too happy about losing his comfortable driving spot. Then, last night, we took your Uncle Tyler home and he sat in the back seat with your car seat base. Needless to say, he was a little cramped. We got home and he "peeled" himself out of the backseat, shook his head, sighed and said "Should have gotten the 6." it was the funniest thing ever. I guess our Mazda 3 truly is made for 3 - me, your dad and you :) No passengers allowed and no long driving times because your dad (who, by the way, has short legs but has the seat further back than your mom with the longer legs) won't be comfortable :)

Well, kiddo, sorry I am so boring today. I am working and your dad is in KC with your baby God-daddy. Can't wait to see you in 48 hours and get a clean bill of health.