Seriously?

Hi Kiddo! I was combing my hair in the mirror today - which is kind of a rare thing these days because I have been getting out of the shower and throwing a baseball hat on - and I saw a few grey hairs. They were shining in the bathroom light like silver strands. The last time I saw a grey hair was in 2003 with Little M. How is it fair that we are put through these torturous pregnancies with nothing to show for them except nausea and grey hair? Obviously, we are praying that you are the exception and you will cause your dear old mom lots of grey hair but today? Now? At 10 weeks? Come on... Your dad just laughed at my flip out. His only words of comfort were "Well, you aren't as grey as I am." Seriously? He has less brown hair than grey these days so that is not a comfort to your mom who is 6 years younger than your dad.

Oy...what is next? Hemorrhoids? Thick black hairs growing out of my chin and a mustache? Thinner and finer hair than I have now? I am in shock - but, still less shock than when I found out you were cooking in there! :)

Food

Hi kiddo! I thought I would tell you about some of the food that I have been craving then we can see what your tastes are when you get a little older. When we were pregnant with Little M, we ate at Carlos O Kelley's mexican restaurant several times a week. With the twins, it was crab rangoon and egg rolls. In all 3 pregnancies, I love and crave fruit. With you, we should just name you cheerio. I eat a huge bowl of cheerios once or twice a day. My cholesterol should be way down!! We did eat at Carlos O'Kelley's and I pigged out. It was so good. And, it didn't make me sick. I have had crab rangoon & eggrolls once and it was tasty. But, we are pretty much being sustained on Cheerios. Vanilla yogurt burst are my favorite but they are hard to find. Dad said next time he sees them, he is going to buy the store out. :)

We are going to start focusing on more protein and see if that helps the nausea. Yesterday, we had a big fat leftover steak for lunch and it was yummy!! Today, we are going to have left over pork chops that your dad made for us last night. They were soooooo good. I think we need to get you a few other nutrients than the cheerios can provide.

I don't think you will have a choice but to be a sweet addict like your mom - oh, and your dad. But, maybe you will surprise us and had your fill of sweets (& cheerios) in the womb that you will prefer veggies and lean protein. :)

10 weeks

You are 25% done cooking today kiddo! Honestly, it has been a long 5 weeks for your mom. Time seems to be standing still for me. It feels like we have known about you for 5 months and should almost be time for you to get here but it has only been 5 weeks. I definitely think you are moving around and growing in there. I can't feel you kicking or anything (I have never felt that in any of my pregnancies so you will be the first) but I can feel my parts getting bigger and moving upwards. It is really odd because there is like an invisible line across my tummy that lets me feel where you & your womb are. It was definitely moving yesterday.

Father's Day was uneventful. I felt awesome - no nausea or anything - until 2:00. Then, we were done dealing and hurling. The rest of the day was shot. I didn't even get to see Grampa Keith. Your dad had to take his gift over there.

I talked to your dad about names. He was OK with Bobbie but he said people will think you were a Roberta. Yeah, I don't like that so much. So, you are officially Maggie Marie now. I think that if you surprise us and pop out as a boy, you would be Noah Robert. Your cousin Brandi said that Maggie Marie was perfect for customized M&M's and I think she is right on the money. We could order those for people that come visit you in the hospital :)

Well, kiddo, that is about it for today on your 10 week growing day. This week your mom is getting a haircut, bowling and then we head to Minnesota. We are going to drug up like there is no tomorrow to get through the weekend.

Early morning

3 Doors down must have been too much for you last night because you are getting me back this morning! I didn't go to bed until 1:30 am but I was up at 7:30 and couldn't get back to sleep. I think you are telling me "Hey, you kept me up last night, I will keep you up this morning!"

So, I was thinking about names this morning when I couldn't fall asleep. In the early years of our marriage, your dad and I would toss around names that we just liked. As we actually became pregnant, we had experienced more loss in our lives and the names we chose became more important and meaningful. In 2003, when we delivered "Little M", we named him Robert Mark Lang Brigham. We already knew that none of our kiddos would be named Robert so it was a safe choice that honored your dad as well as having my middle name. When we were pregnant with twins in 2008, we chose two additional boy names - Xander Joseph & Jacob Robert. Xander was always our favorite boy name. I really liked Jacob but it is so popular that I was hesitant on it. Our middle names had special meaning to us. Joseph is Grampa Larry's middle name and he was gone by then. Robert had so many meanings - your dad, your Grampa Brigham and your Great Grampa Lang. Grampa Brigham left us during the pregnancy and Great Grampa Lang left shortly after we had the babies.

Now, this brings us to you. Pretty much since I have been pregnant, I have thought you were a girl. If you pop out as a boy, that is ok too but my instinct (and the psychic, haha) is telling me you are a girl. We did have girls names picked out in our last pregnancy and we will probably end up going in a similar direction. Our first choice was Maggie Jo. A friend of a friend was named Maggie and I really like it. Your Gramma Debbie will think it is because it was her nickname when I was little but really, I just plain like it. We were going to use Jo from Larry's middle name & it is also your Aunt Valerie's middle name. This morning, I think that I may have changed my mind on the middle name. I think I would prefer Maggie Marie. Marie is my middle name, Aunt Sheila's middle name and Brandi's middle name. But, most importantly, your Grampa Larry always used to call me Marie. So, I am still honoring him and will think of him each time I use your name but you also get a small part of the Lang side with me, Brandi and Aunt Sheila. Since you get your dad's last name, he gets his family honored there. Another name that popped in my head today was Bobbie Marie. I haven't talked to your dad about this one yet - the bum is sleeping while I am awake. I kind of dig Bobbie - I think it is a cute girls name and it still honors your dad, Grampa Brigham & Great Grampa Lang. We will see what your dad thinks later when he wakes up. He is kind of picky!

Well, that is about it for this morning. I am sure it will be nap time for us pretty soon!

Wow - lots of news!

Hi kiddo,

I feel like I have so many things to tell you and I just wrote to you a couple of days ago!

On Friday, I had an appointment with a psychic and he told me you were a girl. No surprise there. Then, he said there was a twin in there with you. Ummmm...not a possibility. Since we know there is not a twin, he said that you will have a baby brother some day. He said that your brothers (4) & sisters (2) are up in heaven but they are with us everyday & that we will be reunited someday. That has always been my personal belief but it was nice to hear it from someone else.

Today, I finally talked your dad into getting me a new laptop. After wanting an apple for a long time, I finally caved! He got a free itouch out of it so he was happy too. Your scrapbook pages are going to be awesome.

As a spur of the moment decision, we also traded in my car! Your dad has always hated my car and we ended up getting the car that we have always wanted - a Mazda 3. I would like to say that we are going to hand this down to you but 16 years is a long time for a single car. But, this will be the car you are brought home in and raised in!

OK, the news that impacts you most. You went to your first concert today! I doubled up on my anti-nausea and we rocked at 3 Doors Down. WOOHOO. Awhile back, your dad and I talked about who our #1 concert choice would be. His was Sheryl Crow and mine was Bobby Seger. Both of those came true. My #2 choice was 3 Doors Down and it was fulfilled tonight. I wish you could remember your thoughts in the womb because I am sure you were quite confused tonight. For one thing, we were out of the house from noon until midnight. WOW - what a day of activity. I was also jamming in my chair at the concert. On the last song, I couldn't help but get up and dance. You probably didn't know what the heck that was all about since we are not very active! Finally, it was LOUD. I don't think you can hear that well yet but if you could, at least it was good tunes! My all-time favorite song is Kryptonite by them and it was played tonight.

A side note, the psychic told me that I need to learn not to stress about all the little things and learn how to not take on people's problems as my own. I knew that this was true but I didn't realize how true it was until today. I will work on it for you kiddo because you don't need to be feeling stress in there!

Tomorrow is Father's Day and it is bittersweet. For years, we had TOO MANY places to go - Lang's, Brigham's, Faiman's, and Blankman's. This year, we only have one dad left. This is probably going to be hard for your dad since it is his first father's day without your grampa bob. But, knowing you are on the way is also going to help him get through it. For me, I am not missing your Grampa Larry as much as I had been in the past - it has almost been two years. However, I am missing your Great Grampa Lang for Father's Day tomorrow. He was always our master griller and chef. Last year, we all hung out over there and celebrated his last Father's Day with us. I am sure all those grampas are up there and taking care of you - Grampa Larry, Grampa Bob, Grampa Faiman, Grampa Lang and Grampa Bill. Even though we know that they are looking out for you and are in a "better place," it doesn't make the loss any less painful for us left behind!

I don't think we have any big plans this week but I will have lots to tell you next weekend - we are going on your first road trip to Minnesota to see your "Uncle" Brian play soccer. Then, when we get home, it will be time for our 3 week doctor appointment and we will get to see you again! I am betting you are shaping up now and aren't going to look like such a little blob!!

9 weeks

Hey kiddo! Not much new this past week. We didn't go to the doctor so we didn't get to see you this past week. You are still making me sick with nausea. Any way we could cut a deal & you could make it go away? I would so appreciate it :) I have also had some problems sleeping lately and I think you are restless!

Last Thursday, we went and got "poked" - literally! You had your first acupuncture treatment. I was hoping it would help with the nausea but no results there. I also had her "pop" my shoulder. For some reason, your mom stores up all her emotion in her left shoulder. I have learned with acupuncture, it can release some of that emotion. Finally, she did some specific points to keep you in there cooking. It only makes sense that she helped you enter this world and she is helping you stay in there :) With every poke, I tried to envision you getting little bursts of love and energy. I barely feel the needles so I know you don't but I hope you felt the love and healing power.

We have a big weekend coming up this weekend. On Saturday, it is your Aunt Cindy's (aka funsucker) 50th Birthday party then we have tickets to 3 Doors Down. Please, please, please kiddo give me a day off to feel good. Last year, I had tickets to 3 Doors Down and your brothers made me too sick to go. I don't want to miss it again. Maybe some Kryptonite will calm you down!

That is all the news from outside the womb!

8 weeks...

Well, I have been off the blog for two weeks but that doesn't mean I have forgotten about you kiddo! You are officially a kiddo and you are officially 8 weeks and 1 day. We went to the doctor last Tuesday and found out that you were 7 weeks 1 day. It relieved us that you were not going to be born drunk. But, I have to tell you that I was a bit bummed for 2 reasons. 1) That puts you as being delivered in 2010 - we sure would have liked a 2009 tax write off and a Christmas baby :) 2) That means my sickness started at about 5 weeks. OY!!

We went back to the doctor today & you are still fine. You are a little blob on the screen with a heartbeat. No problems. I told the doctor that I didn't want to come every week. While I would like to see you every week, there is nothing that could be done if something goes wrong. So, we are not going to see you for 3 weeks. Then, 3 weeks after that, we will be whisked away for surgery to sew you in there nice and tight.

Well kiddo, I am at peace today with everything. I am going to go a bit philosophical on you here. I always figured that we lost your little brothers early on in our pregnancy because it just wasn't God's time for us to have babies. We tempted fate by doing fertility treatments and it wasn't meant to be. With you showing up unexpectedly, I have thought that it must be fate that you will make it to full term. There was a voice nagging in my head that kept saying, if you didn't make it full term, why would God do that to us? Why would he tease us with you unexpectedly and then take you away? So, I prayed on it last night and a big thought came to me. I prayed for our fertility issues to be resolved one way or the other. You know what kiddo? You are the answer to that prayer no matter what happens! If you stay in cooking until 35+ weeks and you are tortured by us until the end of time, you are fulfilling our prayers. But, if you are only with us for a short time and it isn't meant to be your time here with us, you are answering our prayers by letting us know that it just isn't meant to be for us to try for any more kiddos. Previously, I thought it would be a cruel trial from God but now, I see there is wisdom, closure and peace in whichever direction you end up going. I can't control it. The doctors can't control it. Your dad can't control it. So, I have stopped spending all of that energy on worrying and fretting because whatever your purpose is, you will serve it. And, I firmly believe that when it is my time (and your dad's time) to kick the bucket, we will be reunited with all of our little ones that have returned to God.

You are still making me sick. You are kicking out some strong baby hormones - even more than the twins that came before you!! I am nauseous everyday and the hurling started on Thursday. The only time I am not sick is if I am feeding my face and honestly, I don't want to gain 100 lbs with you!! The only bright side is that while I am sick, I know you are still there torturing me with your hormones :)

That is all of my updates for you kiddo. Pretty much everyone knows about you except your Aunt Candi. I wasn't able to connect with her to tell her & she went on vacation. We had to tell all of our family and friends at your dad's 40th birthday party because your Gramma Debbie has loose lips. The reactions from everyone were quite varied. Mostly, people are happy for us but nervous because of our history. A couple were sad because they know how hard the pregnancies and losses are on us. But, no matter what, we will get through it. Most importantly, did you catch that your dear old dad is 40? Yep, 40 and grey and expecting a baby!