Well, I have been off the blog for two weeks but that doesn't mean I have forgotten about you kiddo! You are officially a kiddo and you are officially 8 weeks and 1 day. We went to the doctor last Tuesday and found out that you were 7 weeks 1 day. It relieved us that you were not going to be born drunk. But, I have to tell you that I was a bit bummed for 2 reasons. 1) That puts you as being delivered in 2010 - we sure would have liked a 2009 tax write off and a Christmas baby :) 2) That means my sickness started at about 5 weeks. OY!!
We went back to the doctor today & you are still fine. You are a little blob on the screen with a heartbeat. No problems. I told the doctor that I didn't want to come every week. While I would like to see you every week, there is nothing that could be done if something goes wrong. So, we are not going to see you for 3 weeks. Then, 3 weeks after that, we will be whisked away for surgery to sew you in there nice and tight.
Well kiddo, I am at peace today with everything. I am going to go a bit philosophical on you here. I always figured that we lost your little brothers early on in our pregnancy because it just wasn't God's time for us to have babies. We tempted fate by doing fertility treatments and it wasn't meant to be. With you showing up unexpectedly, I have thought that it must be fate that you will make it to full term. There was a voice nagging in my head that kept saying, if you didn't make it full term, why would God do that to us? Why would he tease us with you unexpectedly and then take you away? So, I prayed on it last night and a big thought came to me. I prayed for our fertility issues to be resolved one way or the other. You know what kiddo? You are the answer to that prayer no matter what happens! If you stay in cooking until 35+ weeks and you are tortured by us until the end of time, you are fulfilling our prayers. But, if you are only with us for a short time and it isn't meant to be your time here with us, you are answering our prayers by letting us know that it just isn't meant to be for us to try for any more kiddos. Previously, I thought it would be a cruel trial from God but now, I see there is wisdom, closure and peace in whichever direction you end up going. I can't control it. The doctors can't control it. Your dad can't control it. So, I have stopped spending all of that energy on worrying and fretting because whatever your purpose is, you will serve it. And, I firmly believe that when it is my time (and your dad's time) to kick the bucket, we will be reunited with all of our little ones that have returned to God.
You are still making me sick. You are kicking out some strong baby hormones - even more than the twins that came before you!! I am nauseous everyday and the hurling started on Thursday. The only time I am not sick is if I am feeding my face and honestly, I don't want to gain 100 lbs with you!! The only bright side is that while I am sick, I know you are still there torturing me with your hormones :)
That is all of my updates for you kiddo. Pretty much everyone knows about you except your Aunt Candi. I wasn't able to connect with her to tell her & she went on vacation. We had to tell all of our family and friends at your dad's 40th birthday party because your Gramma Debbie has loose lips. The reactions from everyone were quite varied. Mostly, people are happy for us but nervous because of our history. A couple were sad because they know how hard the pregnancies and losses are on us. But, no matter what, we will get through it. Most importantly, did you catch that your dear old dad is 40? Yep, 40 and grey and expecting a baby!
