Hi Boys!
I have lots to share with you since my last post but today is just a time out for me to ramble a bit. I have some things roaming around in my mind and I want to get them out. As of this minute, you are over Great Gramma's with Auntie Val because we were out of town last night. I am going to go pick you up soon because I miss you guys something fierce!
Thursday night, Elijah was in Minnesota and Joey woke up crying about 10. We brought you into bed with us where you had some milk and I cuddled with you. You fidgeted and slept restlessly as we watched TV. You were asleep but you would still grin now and then. Your daddy said that it was because you knew you had snaked your way into our bed in Elijah's place :)
As I was watching you sleep and rubbing your back/belly, I had a very large thought. And, it kind of struck me hard. I don't think I would categorize myself as being put on this planet to be a mom. But, I would definitely categorize myself as being a person that was put on this planet to have kids. There is a big difference. You guys are my universe now. You make me so happy and you make the sun, stars and moon brighter to me. But, I know that I could never be a stay at home mom who is a homemaker 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I like working and I like having a few hours a day where I am me. So, maybe I wasn't put on this planet to only be a mom but I know I was put on this planet to have you guys in my life. You can feel free to remind me of that when I am screaming at you in your teens because you are lippy.
Yesterday, I got very angry about something. I can't remember how long it has been since I have been that angry. I was physically shaking and my anger was just exploding. I was cussing. I was being disrespectful and I don't think I have ever spoken in that manner to a family member before.
As your dad and I went out of town, we were talking about it a lot. I was just so surprised at how that anger came up and overtook me. It is kind of out of character for me. But, your dad just looked at me and he said "It is because it had to do with your kids. It is ok if something makes you mad, you can bite your lip. But, this has to do with your kids." I think he was so right. I am a different person when my kids are involved. I think that is a good thing. I think it is good that you inspire me to be so protective!
I will leave you with a small snippet of a lyric from a song that was played last night. I thought of you both when it was being sang. I will always be looking out for you both, you both will always belong to someone (even when you are out on your own and making your own ways) and I will always love you!
I got a new interpretationAnd it's a better point of viewWhile you were looking for a landslideI was looking out for you
I was looking out for youSomeone's looking out for you
I know the darkness pulls on youBut it's just a point of viewWhen you're outside looking inYou belong to someone
And when you feel like giving inOr the coming of the endLike your heart could break in twoSomeone loves you
