Hi babies!
Another week has gone by and it sure went fast. I don't think we were totally busy but it flew by. We started the week with Joey having the hand, foot and mouth virus. He got a mild case but he was home 2 days and fussy for about 2 days. Luckily, he didn't get it too seriously and no big sores on his body/in his mouth. But, it made for a trying few days.
We had a last minute outing at Werner park to go to an Omaha Stormchasers game. We had so much fun. The stadium is so nice and we just really enjoyed ourselves. We had hotdogs and chips. We played in the bounce house and we rode the carousel. Oh, and we saw an inning or two of actual baseball. Great time with Aunt Sheila, Lauren, Jake and Jeremy.
We visited Gramma Lang on Friday and Auntie Val was there. Elijah was so excited to see her. He grabbed on to her and wouldn't let go. Poor Jake was ready to go play so he started slapping Elijah saying "Get up." We played outside and Joey scooted all around. When Aunt Val left, I heard this weird noise. I turned around and Elijah was just sobbing. I don't think I realized how attached to Aunt Val you are. Aunt Val thought it was because she has never left you before - you always leave her. You calmed down when we told you that you were going to go visit her again tomorrow.
On Saturday, I had to work and the whole house got up with me. You guys went and got coffee & doughnuts. Then, Elijah took off with Auntie Val for a road trip to "the farm." Joey & daddy hung out while I worked. Afterwards, we ran errands and went to Auntie Sheila's for dinner.
Poor Joey got the crap kicked out of him. Mila pulled your hair, scratched you & pinched your cheeks. At first, I think you were kinda shocked that someone would do that to you. Then the tears came. I was surprised that it made you cry because your brother tortures you more than that. You guys played together OK the rest of the night!!
When we got home from Auntie Sheila's, we finally got to talk to Elijah. He was so tired and sad. He broke my heart because he was so darn sad. But, he had a great time. He went fishing on the farm and caught his first fish. He played with Brock a lot and was worn down. On Sunday, he was in better spirits but made me sad when he asked if I was going to come get him.
We had breakfast on Sunday, went to the gym and ran other errands. It was so weird to just have one child. It was so easy. It was nice to spend so much time with Joey one-on-one. I often feel bad that you don't get any attention as a baby with an outspoken big brother. But, you got plenty of attention and love this weekend.
I was overwhelmed at the strong desire I had to want another baby. My baby is turning 1. I know he is my last one. I made the right decision in getting my tubes tied. But, this weekend with Joey, my heart was aching for another baby. Financially, mentally & physically, I know it is not the right decision but this weekend, I was emotionally craving that experience again.
On Monday, Gramma Debbie picked up Joey so she could have some 1x1 time with him. I went to pick up Elijah and I was so excited to see him. I didn't even get a hug or a kiss. Instead, I got a colossal meltdown because he was so overtired and didn't want to leave Aunt Val. It was horrible. I hurt my back trying to get him in the car and he screamed for about 40 minutes. One of the most horrible tantrums that I have ever dealt with. But, some good did come out of it. I realized that my baby is only 2. This is normal for him. And, I realized that with my children, I have to act different than I would towards an adult. If an adult treated me like that, I would probably never speak to them again. But, with my babies, I have to let go really quick. Even though I was mad about it all evening, as soon as he was done crying, I had to let it go and be his mommy. I had to be nice and calm and loving even though I was still upset inside. That was a new lesson in humility for me.
Gramma Debbie hung out with you guys all night on Tuesday as we went to a concert. She reported that Elijah was still somewhat fussy because has tired. But, generally, she had a good time with you guys.
I try to keep it real with you guys on here. Lately, I haven't shared anything deep - more about our daily comings and goings. But, I have something deep and it won't resonate with you until you are older. Hopefully, you never need to put this to use in your life but I figured I would share.
I joke around about being too old to chase you guys around. That is only half true. In my head, I am still 16. My body is out of shape like a 60 year old. But, I still often look around and wonder how I was able to have kids, a husband and a house at the ripe old age of 16. But, last night, it was a head-on collision with the fact that I am going to be 37. I have been feeling unsettled because my baby is turning 1. Then, I was at a concert with so many young people around us that I felt out of place. It was truly the very first time that I felt my age emotionally. It made me sad that I wasn't a teeny bopper anymore because I often feel like I am. My advice to you is to always stay young in your mind and your heart. Your dad always say that you are only as old as you feel.
The other issue I faced last night was some body issues. I hope that you guys never experience these either. After being severely overweight (obese) for so many years, I hit a weight that was skinny for me. With the babies, I ended up gaining quite a bit (60-70-80 lbs during pregnancies).
As of today, I am down to where I was in 2008 - before the twins pregnancies. I am so much better off than I was at my super high weight. However, I still have 18 lbs to go to bet back to where I was at my lowest. The problem is that I don't think that I am going to look or feel as good as I did in 2007. My tummy is so different from you guys and my mind still feels like it did 40 lbs ago. I am having a difficult time conceding to the fact that I am never going to be the same shape I was before. Either that or I had rosy colored glasses on in 2007 and I wasn't as little as I remember being.
Either way, I am just not comfortable in my own skin and boys, that is not a happy place to be. I hope that you are always comfortable in your own skin - skinny, normal or fat, I want you to be happy & confident. So, that realization was a good one for me - it is going to push me harder to lose weight and made me realize that the lowest weight is a first step goal but I may need to lose more than I thought to feel better. It makes me want to try harder to reach that goal for three reasons - to feel better about myself, to look better in my clothes and also to be able to keep up with you. I want you guys to be proud of me. I don't want the other kids saying "Your momma is so fat that…." Finally, I also want to be in good shape for our upcoming vacations.
Oh, did you catch that last part? Yes, we are geared up for 3 vacations between now and the end of January. We have Denver in June, Disney in September and a Disney cruise in January. YAY us!