Some photos/layouts

Hi boys!

Quick refurbish on your blog.  It was finally time to take the snowman down as I think we are now officially done with winter.

We survived our trip and had a great time.  Now, May is almost over and we are counting down to the wedding.  This Memorial day weekend, we are resting because Joey has an ear infection.  Looks like both you boys are going to have tubes.  Aunt Sheila is out of town so we don't even have a BBQ to look forward to - she is our BBQ Matriarch :)

As we prep for the wedding, we also prep for Joey turning 2.  Can't.even.believe.it.  wow.  He will turn 2 in Colorado surrounded by 1/3 of his family.  Then, we will do a picnic for the other parts of our family.

This week, I said extra prayers of thanks for my boys and their health.  A good friend reminded me that we take health & being "normal" for granted.  Besides being stubborn and lippy, we don't have much to complain about.  Most of our medical stuff is pretty minor and pretty short term.

I have been busy scrapping this weekend so there are even some new Disney photos to share!


Here are some oldies from our September 2012 Disney trip.  I am a bit behind there.

Still have a couple of Christmas pages left to do!

Elijah's birthday at Great Gramma's.  Still have to do your bounce house!

For your books, I decided to do one page with one photo a month.  This is Elijah's 2012.

Couple Easter down, couple to go!

Our April 2013 Disney pool photos.

Unfortunately, I lost all our beach and pool photos except what I put on facebook that day.  DARN IT!

Big trip...

Well, boys, we are almost off!  Tomorrow, we leave for Disneyworld.  We will get to see Gramma DVD and Auntie Val.  We will get to see all the Disney friends.  Elijah knows we are going on a trip and he knows we are going to a beach but no specifics!  I am sure it will be exhausting, I am sure I will be crabby but I am sure it will be MEMORABLE!

I have something deep to share with you.  I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer but I have to tell you as it has been on my mind lately.  Mostly, in my life, I am always looking for something.  Next trip, next job, next event.  I still do but to a smaller degree.  Last night, I was just looking at you guys as you fell asleep and realized that I am good.  Elijah rolled over and put his arm on my shoulder and signed.  Joey snuggled up to me and had a big sleepy smile.  Looking at you two, I know that I have now experienced everything I need to experience.  Sure, I want to go more places, see you grow up, see some grandbabies but really, it is all gravy right now.  Just having you two and sharing my life with you gives me a sense of fullness and completeness that everything else is just a cherry on top.

Joey is really starting to talk a bit clearer.  He walked up to Gramma's door and said "Open the door."  He was trying to say his prayers last night and was mimicking Elijah's list of people to bless.  "Tyler", "Mark", "Padi" and "Luke" came out so clear.  I can't wait to see you at Disney with your favorite Mickey!!

Elijah was in such a good mood last night.  He made us laugh, he was listening and he wasn't being ornery.  It was just a feel good night!  I can't wait to hear his reaction when we pull up to the airport!!

I have made a vow to WRITE THINGS DOWN this trip.  Last time, I didn't and it has been super hard to remember all the details.  So, i am going to make notes nightly!!

Love you both so much!

Bit of a catch up

Hi babies!
I don't know that I have ever been this far behind in my scrapbooking.  Normally, I am pretty current - within a month or two.  I am now almost 8 months behind!!  Kinda scary as the photos keep piling up.  But, January thru April seem to be a bit slow for photos.

I am sure I have a lot to share with you but I just don't have the words today  :)  I am sure I will be inspired with some midnight ramblings soon.

Valentine's Day - No good photos this year.

Erica's shower - after the shower, you guys came up for Pizza.  Poor Joey was at the beginning stage of an ear infection.  You know what was cool, Elijah?  Erica texted me about wanting to see her godson.  In my eyes, you have always been blessed with 4 Godparents - Becky, Steve, Brian and Erica.  But, it was super nice to hear her say it.  You know what else was cool, Joey?  I was going to take you home Friday night and she wanted you to stay the night with her.  You two bonded and snuggled together on the first day you ever met her!

You guys are LOVING the kinect.  It is nice that it is a physical game the whole family can play.  Even though Joey isn't really playing, he gets right up there to help.  I love hearing you & your dad play.  All 3 of you get so automated.

Open gym night with Morgan & Debbie

St Patrick's Day - a big walk to the park.  At the top of the slide, it was always a big ordeal with Elijah - he had to count to 5 then he said "Put your hands up"  It sounded whimsical like a pop song  :)

Disney on ice - For 2 days, Elijah was so excited to go see Mickey.  Then, when we were at dinner before the show, he decided that he would rather go home and be with the puppies.  He was scared of everything!  When we got there, he was the only kid screaming to go home.  When we were in our seats , both boys were crabby and wanting to go home.  When the lights went out and the show started, they both crawled up on their daddy and buried their heads in his shoulder.  Elijah calmed down when the Incredibles came out and it wasn't scary.  Joey calmed down when Mickey came out but he was pretty reserved for the whole first half.

By the end of the show, Elijah said "That wasn't scary.  I was silly."  Joey was clapping and enjoying himself.  By the very end, it went on about 15 minutes too long, they were a bit stir crazy. But, for the finale, I did coax my shy little guy Eli into saying "Byebye" to Mickey, Minnie, Donald and Goofy as well as blowing them a kiss.  

Since it was 9:00, they were kind of tired.  In the car, I asked Elijah his favorite and he said his favorite was Mickey.  I was surprised it wasn't Captain Hook & the crocodile.  I said to Joey "You saw Mickey tonight & Minnie & Donald & Goofy."  He took his milk out of his mouth and slowly said "Goofy" then plopped his cup back in his mouth.

I must confess that I was quite discouraged when we got there.  When Elijah was flipping out, I was regretting our Disney trip in April.  But, once they settled in and I was watching their faces, I knew that the trip was a good decision and I am quite excited.  But, I also realized that I am more like my grampa and Keith than I would like.  I get quite impatient in situations like that.  I was quite crabby when he was acting out at an activity 100% for him.  I was already thinking how to cancel the trip.  That wasn't really a positive reflection of myself and I need to work on it.

Misc scrapbook pages

Getting old...

Hi babies...
I realized this week (and not for the first time) that I am getting old.  I am just shy of 40.  When I was 16, 40 seemed ANCIENT.  Now, I am rounding that corner checking my 401k to see if I will ever retire.  Checking your college fund to see if you will ever be able to afford it.  But, I had a large realization this past week that I can't really articulate well.  I am not worried about age anymore.  I am not worried about growing old.  I am mostly worried that with my passing age, it signals your growth and aging too.  The closer I get to 50, the closer you guys are to being teenagers.  The closer I get to 60 (for sweet Pete, how can I even think of being close to 60?), the closer you are to leaving the house.

We had a fun weekend this past weekend.  We went to open gym at the Gymnastics center. You had a sleepover at Morgan's.  Elijah wanted to live there forever.  Joey was happy there but also happy to see us.  We walked up to the park at Pawnee and you played.  We celebrated St. Patrick's Day with.... the park and our usual corned beef dinner.

Tomorrow, we are going to Disney on Ice.  I am so excited to see how you guys act.  it will be a good preview into our trip in April.  I hope that we can go to The Croods this weekend as we have no other plans.

I haven't been taking a lot of photos.  I snapped a couple on Valentine's day, at Erica's shower, the gymnastics center and then at the park.  That is it for this whole year.  Quite a change from the past 6 months where I had more photos than I knew what to do with!!

That is about it for now, boys.  I mostly wanted to get it written down about aging.  This whole different way of thinking was quite a shift for me!  Love you monkeys soooo much  :)

Your songs...

We have had our fair share of weird things happen with you boys that have questioned us to wonder what kind of souls you guys have inside of you.  Is there a bit of Grampa Larry?  Grampa Bob?  My Grampas?  Sometimes, you will act just like them.  But, more often than not, you guys remind me so much of Grampa Larry.

As some therapy, I need to get some things out  :)  See, I truly believe that I just really didn't know how much I truly loved your Grampa Larry.  He had some really bad days when he was drinking that made me want to move out and never speak to him again.  He could be really cruel on those days and I think it overshadowed the good that he brought to my life.  But, now that he is gone, I can truly see his part in my life and how much he enriched it.  His death brings me a sadness I never expected and it is almost 6 years later.  When I think of my grampas, I get sad.  I get wistful.  But, when I think of Larry, I truly still grieve and I really didn't expect that at all.  It was quite a powerful thing to realize.  I am lucky that I said all I needed to say to him before he died but I do have the regret that this realization came after he was gone.  I wish I would have paid more attention to spending more time over there before he was sick and recognized its value.

In order to tie those points above to my story below, I need to give you both some backstory.

1) When Elijah was born I "picked" a song for him.  Every night, I would sing it to him.  I chose "I could not ask for more" by Sara Evans.  When Joey was born, I thought he needed his own song.  I wracked my brain and when we were in the NICU, we snuggled up and I went through my iPhone and found his song.  I sing it to them every night and now Elijah is learning to sing it.

2) Today, mom was over and I asked her when it was ever going to get easier that Larry is gone.  It just seems like after all this time, it should get easier and it doesn't seem to be.  She said that she thinks it gets harder.  I told her those things above and how I was surprised at how hard it was.  She was surprised but she said "Larry loved you to the max."  I couldn't ask for a better conversation.

So anyway, we were in the car on the way home from daycare and Garth was playing.  Elijah got all excited and said "That is the wind in your face guy."  I was really impressed that he could recognize voices.  So, I found the song and started playing it.  I said "Let's go put it on in the house and we will let Gramma hear it."  So, we came in the house and I started playing it and mom got really quiet.  She said "Why does he like this song?"  So, I told her that it was really Joey's song and the story above.  She starts crying and I am thinking "What did I say?"

Turns out that Larry's nephew Mark always played "To make you feel my love" and Larry would dance with her and sing it to her.  What are the odds that in the 5,000 songs on my iphone that I would choose my little Joseph a song that meant so much to my mom and Larry?  Just another way that he is still with us.

Tonight, we went in the car to go to the store.  Elijah kept asking to play "wind in your face song."  I put it on and he would sing right along as best as he can.  I tried to change the song because it was a bit too emotional tonight.  Then he would ask again.  With the first few piano keys, he said "This is my favorite song."

I was listening to my baby boy sing.  I was listening to the lyrics telling me all the ways that I could feel his love and it truly struck me that Elijah singing this song could be a bit of a reminder of Larry's love.  Maybe he has turned this song into a message for me to think of him and feel his presence - because "There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do, go to the ends of the earth for you, to make you happy, make your dreams come true and to make you feel my love."  I still think that it took Larry to go to the ends of the earth for my dreams to come true - my babies.

I hope that with each passing in my life, I have learned from it and grown.  I hope that I can apply those lessons to all of the people that I love that are still living.  I hope that I can show them here and now how much I love them and not look back and realize I did give 100%!

I emailed Larry's nephew and told him the story.  He said that every night that Larry came up to watch him play, he requested that song.  The story made him smile and think of Larry, too  :)

When the rain
Is blowing in your face
And the whole world
Is on your case
I could offer you
A warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows
And the stars appear
And there is no - one there
To dry your tears
I could hold you
For a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you
Haven't made
Your mind up yet
But I would never
Do you wrong
I've known it
From the moment
That we met
No doubt in my mind
Where you belong

I'd go hungry
I'd go blind for you
I'd go crawling
Down the avenue
You Know there's nothing
That I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging
On the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change
Are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing
Like me yet

I could make you happy
Make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends
Of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love

Melancholy...

I was feeling a little reminiscent tonight.  It was bed time and you monkeys just plain didn't want to go to sleep.  Joey was laying on my tummy wanting some mommy time.  I started thinking back, way back to how things were the day with Little M, the day my water broke with the twins and the day of their birth.  I started thinking about all the days that led me to this night.  This night snuggled up with 2 baby boys.  2 boys that are mine.  2 boys that I never thought I would have.

I went out to look at my scrapbooks and it was such a treat.  I started out sad by just looking at the boys' albums and their little alien baby photos.  Then, I started in 2007 and worked up to Joey being born.  It is amazing how much you forget in life.  Little things.  Big things.  Somedays, my scrapbooks seem like a chore.  Somedays I want to just chuck my camera.  But, looking through those books & reading what I had written was cathartic.

I laughed at some pages - silly cousin night pages, Cory's drunken wedding night page (actually make that 2 nights - the night of the wedding in November where I was cutting my steak with a spoon and the night in April where I was doing who knows what).  I laughed that we loosened the ban on allowing in-laws in wedding photos but each wedding photo is now outdated because someone is outta there.  Will be interesting to see who makes the cut at Brian's wedding. I almost want to tell Mark to stay out.  Maybe being in the photo is a jinx.

I smiled at pages of Larry.  I smiled at pages of Grampa Lang's last birthday.  I wrote that he went and got a big plate of food at the casino and came back and said "You don't have to sing happy birthday to me or anything." and then gave one of his little grins.  I smiled when I wrote that I spent the day that he died with him & even on that last day, he said "Your gramma is picking on me, Stacy."  I smiled when I wrote that I hope that I never forget hearing his voice saying "Hiya babe."  And, so far I haven't.  I smiled when I saw old photos of me and can see Joey so clearly in them.

I got sad at photos of the babies.  So much loss. I didn't remember that we had given them middle names.  I knew it was Xander & Jacob but I didn't realize it was Xander Joseph &  Jacob Robert.  Hello Joseph Robert.... guess that wasn't too original after all.  But, I did get a Lang thrown in there.  I don't think he twins had a Lang in there.

I got sad that so many people are gone.  I got sad that my babies are growing up so quickly.  I got sad that I can't document every moment of everyday because I already forget things.  But, overall, I enjoyed my walk down memory lane and am happy for the times I had forgotten about and documented.

Elijah is so darn excited.  Brian and Erica asked him to be a part of their wedding.  I showed him photos of my wedding and how he will have to dress up and be super good.  I told him he would help with walking the rings down the aisle.  He is so excited that we are getting a big house and the whole family is going to Denver for a big sleep over.  He brings it up like every other day.  The last time, he said "Where is Erica going to be?"  I told him that she was going to walk behind him.  He said "Is she going to be a princess?"  I had to stop for a second because I thought it was the coolest question ever.  I assured him that Erica indeed, was going to be a princess.

Joey changes everyday.  He loves music and loves to sing.  He loves the ipad and putting on Yo Gabba Gabba songs.  He says please when he wants something.  He tells me what songs to sing.  He gets ornery and arches his back and throws himself on the floor.  He screams when he doesn't get his way.  It is a high pitched angry scream.  He isn't as affectionate as Elijah was - he isn't as free with his hugs and kisses.  But, his smile lights up his whole face just like his Grampa Bill.  He is my baby  :)

The boys play together a lot better now.  Like I expect their whole life to be, they will play together for a few minutes and a toy will get fought over and they will scream until someone cries.  3 minutes later, they are best buddies.  Elijah still thinks of Joey as a little underling but I am not sure how much longer that will last.  Once Joey is talking, Elijah is screwed.  :)  He will get mad at me and tell Joey "Come on baby, let's get out of here."  Or, he will share a treat with him "Here you go, baby."  Then, 10 minutes later he is screaming "Don't touch my toy, JOEY."

Hopefully, we will have some good Valentine's Day photos to share!