Busy Month!

Hi boys!
When it rains, it pours.  We have been swamped this month.  We had a vacation, a 1st birthday, 2 weddings and luckily, no funerals!  While I have a lot to catch you up on, there are three things I came to write about tonight.

I am getting rid of the bottles.  Joey has to be off the sauce at 1.  We have been spoiling him a bit and giving him one here and there.  You miss those bottles and when you see one, you want it.  So, we need to kick them to the curb.  We are also finishing up the remaining baby food that we have in the house.  After this batch, there will be no more bought.

This purging is really taking a toll on me.  Not only did my baby turn 1, I have a immediate follow up with the baby items leaving the house.  It is weird because I am very happy to have 2 babies and I have no desire to have more - financially, physically, mentally.  But, knowing that I made such a drastic decision to stop any more babies and also purging the baby items is really making me pause.  I made the right decision and I don't regret it, but this is truly closing the book on a chapter in my life that was rough, tough and abusive but also the best ever!  Seeing each of the events (turning 1, no more bottles, no more food) really drove home the finality of that stage in my life.

Something happened last night and I honestly don't know if it is a good thing or a bad thing so I figured that I would write about it to figure out how I felt about it.  Elijah has been choking and poking in the neck.  It is very painful to me - I am not sure if it is my thyroid or if it is just that painful to everyone.  Last night, you poked me and I poked you back.  It hurt you and you cried.  I did feel bad and we snuggled a bit.  But, after you calmed down, you got upset one more time and you screamed at me "You don't do that to my neck."  You even pointed at me.  It wasn't a squealing scream - it was anger, crying and pain.

I am going to be blunt with you, Elijah.  It did not bother me that you were in pain because I felt like you had to know how that hurt others.  It did not bother me that you cried a bit because I want to cry too.  What really is sitting heavy on my shoulders is the fact that you calmed down then screamed at me.

I have two ways to look at this.  #1 you are an undisciplined heathen who has been trained that it is ok to be so disrespectful to your parents and that you can talk back to us whenever you feel like it.  There is a grain of truth to that but I feel like we do address it and it will come with a little bit of time/maturity.  Most times, it is more funny than something to punish you over and I have not been told that you do it to others.

The other way that is weighing on me is a little bit more deep and more of a reflection on me than you.  See, I never would have talked back like that.  I may have at 2.5 but I probably only did once.  I knew that I had to listen or... else.  So, I listened out of fear.  Yeah, I probably did talk like that to your gramma Debbie because she was probably a softie.  But, I never would have talked back like that to your Grampa Keith or your Great Grampa Lang.

In a warped way, I was glad you talked back to me.  It made me happy that you don't fear me.  Now, don't get me wrong, I want you to listen to me.  I want you to respect me.  But, I never want you to fear me.  With these 2.5 years under our belt, it is clear who the meanie is in our house.  Your dad thought that it would be him.  I thought it would be me.  When you were a baby, I thought it would be him.  But, as you have gotten older, I am more strict with you.  And, that weighs on me. I know I have to be a good parent and I can't be your buddy until you are an adult.  But, I don't want you to look back and think that I was the meanie - the one you feared.

So, one little yelling/rebelling incident taught me that things are working out ok.  It made me noodle it over a bit but I am pleased with where we are.  I know it will get worse, but, as of this moment, I am at peace with it.

One final thing I have been noticing lately.  I think I am getting better at letting things go and really truly focusing on my "family" - meaning you two and your dad.  I am pretty high strung at times and I am always advised to step back and look at the grand scheme of things.  If they don't impact my family, they shouldn't get me worked up.  I think I am slowly starting to get there.  That is big progress for me but it is only because you guys just mean the world to me.  Most other things in life pale to you guys and aren't worth the emotional turmoil.

Short recap of what we have done this month -
Drove to Denver

Ole's restaurant

Saw Santa

First Roller Coaster Ride

First Train ride

Drove Pike's Peak

Denver's Children's Museum

Whitefence Farm
Alpine Slide

Mini-bday party for Joey with Valerie and Brandon

Big bday party for Joey - all our family was there

Grampa Keith & Leisa's wedding party
Blankman wedding
Father's Day

Farmer's Markets
Madagascar 3
Cousin Fun - we too po' to have a car for each kid  :)

New Sunday tradition of Breakfast at Ingredient
Uncle Tyler's Graduation

Water fun with Gramma Debbie
Zoo with Gramma Debi D
Made a video for Great Gramma's birthday (that is "cracker Gramma" to Elijah)

Upcoming events
Olympic Swim Trials
CWS Homerun Derby & Fireworks show
4th of July Holiday
Trip to Minnesota with Auntie Val to see Brian & Erica (Elijah)
Overnight with Auntie Val (Elijah & Joey)
Morgan's birthday party

I leave you with one of my favorite photos of Joey right around his birthday.  Happy Birthday Handsome!!

One more video

This one was from awhile back.  Just was too large to get off my camera.  I love seeing you talk a bit and do your rage out.  :)

Videos

Cleaning out my phone because it is out of memory  :)

Last week - trying to get Joey to talk.  Pretty boring video and lots of camera flipping but I kept it because of your little winks in the middle.

Last night.  I was tickling you under the chair and wanted to get some of your giggles captured.

Slip and Slide

We went to a graduation party today and Elijah had so much fun on the slide.  They added some water to make it all the more fun.  You went down over and over then went down with a blaze of glory - you got knicked at the bottom by another kid coming down.  You recovered and started walking around the front and you got taken out by Morgan flying over the edge.  If I would have been taping, your college fund would $10k richer from the America's funny home video prize  :)

The last of our Easter photos

Jake's bday party but no birthday photos  :)

Joey being silly in the tub

Baseball game

 Elijah's road trip with Aunt Val and his first fishing trip.

Hi babies!

Another week has gone by and it sure went fast.  I don't think we were totally busy but it flew by.  We started the week with Joey having the hand, foot and mouth virus.  He got a mild case but he was home 2 days and fussy for about 2 days.  Luckily, he didn't get it too seriously and no big sores on his body/in his mouth.  But, it made for a trying few days.

We had a last minute outing at Werner park to go to an Omaha Stormchasers game. We had so much fun.  The stadium is so nice and we just really enjoyed ourselves.  We had hotdogs and chips.  We played in the bounce house and we rode the carousel.  Oh, and we saw an inning or two of actual baseball.  Great time with Aunt Sheila, Lauren, Jake and Jeremy.

We visited Gramma Lang on Friday and Auntie Val was there.  Elijah was so excited to see her.  He grabbed on to her and wouldn't let go.  Poor Jake was ready to go play so he started slapping Elijah saying "Get up."  We played outside and Joey scooted all around.  When Aunt Val left, I heard this weird noise.  I turned around and Elijah was just sobbing.  I don't think I realized how attached to Aunt Val you are.  Aunt Val thought it was because she has never left you before - you always leave her.  You calmed down when we told you that you were going to go visit her again tomorrow.

On Saturday, I had to work and the whole house got up with me.  You guys went and got coffee & doughnuts.  Then, Elijah took off with Auntie Val for a road trip to "the farm."  Joey & daddy hung out while I worked.  Afterwards, we ran errands and went to Auntie Sheila's for dinner.

Poor Joey got the crap kicked out of him.  Mila pulled your hair, scratched you & pinched your cheeks. At first, I think you were kinda shocked that someone would do that to you.  Then the tears came.  I was surprised that it made you cry because your brother tortures you more than that.  You guys played together OK the rest of the night!!

When we got home from Auntie Sheila's, we finally got to talk to Elijah.  He was so tired and sad.  He broke my heart because he was so darn sad.  But, he had a great time.  He went fishing on the farm and caught his first fish.  He played with Brock a lot and was worn down.  On Sunday, he was in better spirits but made me sad when he asked if I was going to come get him. 

We had breakfast on Sunday, went to the gym and ran other errands.  It was so weird to just have one child.  It was so easy.  It was nice to spend so much time with Joey one-on-one.  I often feel bad that you don't get any attention as a baby with an outspoken big brother.  But, you got plenty of attention and love this weekend.

I was overwhelmed at the strong desire I had to want another baby.  My baby is turning 1.  I know he is my last one.  I made the right decision in getting my tubes tied.  But, this weekend with Joey, my heart was aching for another baby.  Financially, mentally & physically, I know it is not the right decision but this weekend, I was emotionally craving that experience again.

On Monday, Gramma Debbie picked up Joey so she could have some 1x1 time with him.  I went to pick up Elijah and I was so excited to see him.  I didn't even get a hug or a kiss.  Instead, I got a colossal meltdown because he was so overtired and didn't want to leave Aunt Val.  It was horrible.  I hurt my back trying to get him in the car and he screamed for about 40 minutes.  One of the most horrible tantrums that I have ever dealt with.  But, some good did come out of it.  I realized that my baby is only 2.  This is normal for him.  And, I realized that with my children, I have to act different than I would towards an adult.  If an adult treated me like that, I would probably never speak to them again.  But, with my babies, I have to let go really quick.  Even though I was mad about it all evening, as soon as he was done crying, I had to let it go and be his mommy. I had to be nice and calm and loving even though I was still upset inside.  That was a new lesson in humility for me.

Gramma Debbie hung out with you guys all night on Tuesday as we went to a concert.  She reported that Elijah was still somewhat fussy because has tired.  But, generally, she had a good time with you guys.

I try to keep it real with you guys on here.  Lately, I haven't shared anything deep - more about our daily comings and goings.  But,  I have something deep and it won't resonate with you until you are older.  Hopefully, you never need to put this to use in your life but I figured I would share.

I joke around about being too old to chase you guys around.  That is only half true.  In my head, I am still 16.  My body is out of shape like a 60 year old.  But, I still often look around and wonder how I was able to have kids, a husband and a house at the ripe old age of 16.  But, last night, it was a head-on collision with the fact that I am going to be 37.  I have been feeling unsettled because my baby is turning 1.  Then, I was at a concert with so many young people around us that I felt out of place.  It was truly the very first time that I felt my age emotionally.  It made me sad that I wasn't a teeny bopper anymore because I often feel like I am.  My advice to you is to always stay young in your mind and your heart.  Your dad always say that you are only as old as you feel.

The other issue I faced last night was some body issues.  I hope that you guys never experience these either.  After being severely overweight (obese) for so many years, I hit a weight that was skinny for me.  With the babies, I ended up gaining quite a bit (60-70-80 lbs during pregnancies).  

As of today, I am down to where I was in 2008 - before the twins pregnancies.  I am so much better off than I was at my super high weight.  However, I still have 18 lbs to go to bet back to where I was at my lowest.  The problem is that I don't think that I am going to look or feel as good as I did in 2007.  My tummy is so different from you guys and my mind still feels like it did 40 lbs ago.  I am having a difficult time conceding to the fact that I am never going to be the same shape I was before.  Either that or I had rosy colored glasses on in 2007 and I wasn't as little as I remember being.  

Either way, I am just not comfortable in my own skin and boys, that is not a happy place to be.  I hope that you are always comfortable in your own skin - skinny, normal or fat, I want you to be happy & confident.  So, that realization was a good one for me - it is going to push me harder to lose weight and made me realize that the lowest weight is a first step goal but I may need to lose more than I thought to feel better.  It makes me want to try harder to reach that goal for three reasons - to feel better about myself, to look better in my clothes and also to be able to keep up with you.  I want you guys to be proud of me.  I don't want the other kids saying "Your momma is so fat that…."  Finally, I also want to be in good shape for our upcoming vacations.

Oh, did you catch that last part?  Yes, we are geared up for 3 vacations between now and the end of January.  We have Denver in June, Disney in September and a Disney cruise in January.  YAY us! 

Happy May!

Hi boys!
This month is flying by!  I can't believe it is half over.  We have had a lot going on ...

Elijah & mommy got a hair cut.  Elijah's hair is shaved off short.  Our on-going joke is "Elijah, where is all your hair?"  He responds "It is all gone.  I got haircut."

You guys went to Bounce U with your daddy & Aunt Laura & your cousins.  You all had a great time!

We went to feed the ducks again.  We took more bread this time but I think we have learned it is a 2 loaf minimum  :)

You waiting for the choo-choo.  You were even talking to the choo-choo "Choo-choo, I am here.  Come on."

You went to the park with your Auntie Cindy & Auntie Becky.  You really enjoyed that.  Unfortunately, the day after, your Great Gramma Dorothy died.  She sure did love seeing you boys.  Oh my goodness, you guys made her so happy from the day you were born until the day she died.  You brought her great happiness with each visit.  We took you up to the visitation so you could see your Blankman family.  We didn't know what to do with Elijah but had a general agreement to keep you away from the casket.  Of course, you ran right up there.  You came back to me and you told me "Gramma sleeping.  Gramma wake up mommy."  You killed me buddy!  Since then, you have asked me more than once if "Gramma still sleeping?"

We had Jake's Birthday party and you guys loved playing outside and in the sprinkler Auntie Sheila set up.

Joey had his first Malara's sketti trip.  Sketti was everywhere!

You had an overnight visit with Debbie and Morgan.  I think you guys had a great time!!

Joey got sick from a virus at daycare so we have been dealing with that for awhile.  But, it is looking up for the rest of the week.

Just some miscellaneous stuff...
Joey is getting a lot better at pulling himself up.  During bath time, he pulls himself up to tell me he is done.  He is also starting to scoot off the chair.  He thinks he is such hot stuff.  He is really getting ready to walk soon!  He says "Mom" so cute - he puckers out his lip when he says it.  He is also trying to mimic words.

Elijah is continuing to amaze us with all the words he knows.  The thing is that he uses them in the correct context.  We are working on counting at bed time and he is up to 6 on his own.  He has told us a couple of times "Daddy/Mommy, I happy."  :)  We are still working on trying to curb the annoying screaming and getting him to listen.  You also had your first neighbor play time.  Most of the time, the kids come to our house to play on the swing set.  This week, you went over their back yard to play.  You were so funny - you were standing in the back yard screaming "Hey guys, want to come play on my swing set?  Hey guys, can you hear me?  Hey guys, are you listening to me?"  Eventually, you got to play with your "guys" next door.

Well, guys, a couple of weeks and we are off on vacation together.  One whole week together and we are planning a visit to Denver!!  Talk to you soon.